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Well, I'm glad you found us. I know that depressed crap---it sucks the life out of you and makes everything look hopeless.

I hope you'll stick around and get to know us. Are you on any medications? Working with a therapist? It ain't over 'til it's over, so I hope that someday you will see the light at the end of the tunnel.

olga

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Your avatar is positive - then sun rising up through the darkness, at least that's how I interpret it.

It's ok if you're not up to posting, I have many days like that where I want to but I just don't have the energy or the motivation to translate my thoughts into comprehendible sentences. Have a look at some of the pinned threads though because they can be useful, even though I know they wont make things instantly better.

Welcome to the forums. *shakes your hand*

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  • 2 weeks later...

I didn't know people had answered this, thank you I appreciate it.

I'm just inches away from total doom but something inside keeps my head up out of water. I obviously have some hope left but it's hard to feel hopeful... I'm in a can't or won't get out of bed crisis, a very long one that started back when it was still warm outside, now dreary february knocks me back down.

That and I am physically drained like never before. It all makes sense though because I've gotten myself stuck out here in the ozark woods with no transportation and anyone who could be of help to me has given up due to my seeming lack of trying but they have no idea. Well they're starting to at least show a little concern since I stopped drinking in October. I wasn't drinking that much (it costs money) but given my history I guess they blamed my condition on that.

It was almost good for a while right after I stopped though, my brain like woke up and I had a little energy for a couple of weeks but water seeks its own level and things returned to the normal trudging through sludge mode. I'm scared of psych meds any more after they quit on me and left me worse off.

I'm starting to think maybe the meds didn't harm me as much as I had thought, I read and read on sites like these and in other sources where I was expecting to find other people angry with ssri snri drugs but it seems to be pretty rare... Maybe it's just that my depression got much too deep for the meds to work. All I know is that prozac dropped me like a hot potato back in 95 and I've tried everything since, ending up on effexor which really did a number on my head when I quit it and I said no more of these damned pills that only make things worse.

So I'm left with realizing that no pill is going to get me out of this, I need to get back among people. I go for weeks without seeing or speaking to anyone, it's not good I know. Even when I'm in my normal urban environment I isolate away from everyone, it's like Bukowski said - I don't hate people but I seem to feel better when they're not around.

I'm trying to get myself out of here to move back to Ohio where all my friends are and the stress is overwhelming me. I just want to get back where people are so I can not answer the door or the phone, that will be a step up. Hopefully on Monday I'll get the ok from an apartment building in Strongsville, I can send the money for rent and deposit and I'll be committed to action.

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Hi. I'm sorry you feel so low. It sucks to be stuck down there. I'm glad to hear that you are trying to move back to where you have friends. It's important to have people around who keep you going both mentally and physically.

Are you saying that you will not again try medication or that for a time you thought it was the problem? I'm asking because there are many stories of people who were giving up that ultimately did find something that worked. There are many different classes of meds, too, not just current generation SSRIs and SNRIs like effexor (which was horrible for me to quit, too).

I got a little backwards here. Welcome to CB. It's a pretty friendly community. We have blogs and chat in addition to the boards if those interest you. Feel free to PM a moderator if you need help with anything.

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I haven't given up on meds. I've just been very angry with them since they let me down. Another lie, another letdown, another reason not to trust anything, not to expose myself, to hide, to be angry.

When my father died I think he had some remeron left. I'll see - if there is any I'll try it. In small doses. I asked for it in the psych ward last summer and I went nuts, pacing the halls in my underwear and curling up on the floor. But they had also given me ambien and ativan (both of which I KNEW might make me crazy) plus I was on the tail end of a morphine jones. Now I'm all cleaned out and it might work. I've known some people who had good results from remeron.

I can't get to a doctor right now, can't get to anywhere. I feel better today, I'm coming out of a two week depression sinkhole and it's snowing too. The cats are asleep and I have tobacco. I washed some dishes and boiled 11 eggs.

It's hard not to hyperfocus on yourself when you everything hurts and you feel like you can't move. The dreams have been coming out good recently. Not so much frustration and more sex. I'll take sex in dreams over the real thing any night.

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declaude, if you had a bad reaction to remeron once, since it's unclear at least if it was this med, you really should only take it under a doctor's supervision. Seriously. Is there any way you can get to medical help, a GP, any doc or NP? Or speed up your move back to civilization? I'd just hate to hear that you are in worse shape all alone with not help nearby.

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Effexor did a number on me too & didn't help out one bit. However, Cymbalta worked wonders. Two very different meds even though they're the same class. Just something to think about if you get back to a doc.

Edit: Also I notice you haven't tried the Anti-Psychotics. They can be really helpful for plain depression. You don't have to be psychotic to take them.

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