Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Other People's Joy in LIfe Makes Me Want to SI


: (

Recommended Posts

Anyone else really feel like hurting themselves when you hear about how others/friends are doing what they want in life, feeling happy, feeling like their life is filled with good friends and good social interactions??

Trying not to react like this.

My best friend was really depressed like me here in Boston, hating her job, feeling isolated, me feeling the same way only more isolated and more like I am getting no where with my life. (She is relatively normal, I am afflicted with a million emotional problems). Then she leaves on tour with her band to sunny Australia, on a grand adventure, meeting and socializing with many young amazing peers who are doing fulfilling creative things with their lives, seeing wonderful new landscapes, feeling inspired and.... HAPPY!!... wtf! why do I feel so awful when I hear this good news?? makes me feel like i should just get rid of myself. I wonder if I will ever feel comfortable with myself and confident enough to go out and do exciting fulfilling things, if I will ever really be where I want to be in life.

I learn that other friends from college are living in a big house with people in Ohio creating an organic garden, cooking together, sending fresh produce out to soup kitchens, working at bike shops, feeling fulfilled. I have similar dreams that are very powerful and important to me but I feel so depressed that I have just kept myself stuck and motionless. I work a mindless, minimum wage job where i struggle to survive in an ugly concrete wilderness of stress and isolation and cold, self-absorbed people. I don't know how to get going. Get what I want. And I want too many things. Where to start?

Other peoples' successes make me feel afraid, like I am running out of time with my life, and I have gone no where with it.

Thanks for listening

<3 Amanda

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i know exactly what you mean. quite a few of my high school friends have found me on facebook and hearing about their exciting fulfilling lives makes me feel even more stuck and like a loser... and to be honest... a little jealous. but on my good days (and there are some) i am relatively happy and can find some contentment with my situation. just wish there were more good days. ;) not much help, but you are not the only one in that boat...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I know what you mean..... I mean I'm happy for friends that are doing what they like and all.... but at the same time reading about (love facebook).. how they are now teaching at a school after graduating from a top notch school... or how they are now in therapy.. as the therapist (haha.. love what happens when they ask about me after)... just kinda makes me look at myself/my life and think... Huh ;)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I can relate.

However, those lucky people often have struggles of their own coming in later life, even though their youth seems golden. No one escapes this life without getting pain in some shape or form. You're better off focussing your energy on how to make your own dreams come true than you are envying people who probably have issues of their own in secret.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I understand what you're going through. All of my friends have graduated college already. I had to take 2 years off to deal with my problems. They have jobs, are in grad school or even married. I feel like a child compared to them. And a failure since they seem to be able to manage their life when I can't. But after revealing my disorder to them their seemingly normal lives weren't all that normal. Two were dealing with anorexia, one was depressed. One had cervical cancer and another severe migraines. Even my little sister has questioned her own mental stability. And she is my standard of normal (graduated with honors, magna cum laude, going to med school, social and outgoing). I didn't know this but she's really afraid that she might develop bipolar disorder as well. She's experienced a few of the symptoms. It's why she completely removed herself from my life when I was at my sickest.

So I guess my point is that people don't necessarily want to show you their weaknesses. And in our minds we are built to compare ourselves to others, to what we see. We can either do our best to match their achievements or we try to get the hell out of our self reflections. And we do it by self injury. I just learned that in my psych class. It's called social comparison theory.

Stay as safe as possible.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

my jealousy has a slightly different slant - because of my hubby's brain cancer, and his subsequent physical deficits, I go green over happy couples, active couples, and here's the big one, OLD couples. I really have to work to not be super envious of my own sister who has a hubby that does everything with her (harley, snowmobile, just STUFF) To see a couple just walking down the street hand in hand without a care in the world fucks me up. I walk ahead of hubby - not on purpose, it's just that i'm a ramped up person and he goes so slow; his very visible scar (even now almost 3 years later) makes me watch other peeps to see if they are looking at him.

And old people, hubby and me making it to a older age together is simply impossible

My jealousy is really very irrational - never judge a book by its cover - they may be having a shitload of problems themselves - you can't begin to know what's the deal with a couple from the surface. Hell, even the "old couple' who have that 50 year marriage look about them could have just met 2 weeks prior!! ;)

i know it is hard, try not to turn it on yourself though, anti up some self comforting thoughts with a strong dose of "we are not going to hurt ourself over this, it's not worth it "

take care

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Anyone else really feel like hurting themselves when...

Not self injure, no, short of actual suicidal thoughts from depression.

But

"When the happiness of others points the painful contrast one more time"

is a line from a poem I wrote about five years ago.

It's not quite anger or envy or jealousy, more the highlighting of this strange other place called "happy" (in a good range of versions, yet!) that I've almost never been able to get to, no matter what I try.

Is it some sort of glass wall, a lack of a magic potion or word of power?

I've tried to emulate what seems to make other people happy, in lots of ways, but I've not been able to make it work for me.

And I don't think it's as fake as those perfect families with perfect lives shown on TV for Christmas adverts: there are happy people out there. It's not just acting and false social faces (though reasonable allowance should be made...)

So other people's joy, while I can abstractly think "good for them", sets a standard which worsens the dissatisfaction with where I am, and increases the frustration at not being able to tap into that "other world."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was afraid that I was the only one who felt this way...seeing the people around me happy and progressing, while I'm struggling just to stay "sane" is really painful and, yes, triggers my urges to SI. Sometimes it even triggers suicidal thoughts. Then I feel even worse because I know that I should be happy for my friends. Like lostgirl said, it makes me feel "stuck."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks for relating guys, that's all you need sometimes. It was very helpful.

Did better for a few days this week which I am attributing mostly to eating better, actually. And started to get some tasks done which makes me feel like I am getting somewhere slowly. Applied for foodstamps so can stop worrying as much about money all the time. Trying to find a new job in some sort of field that I have an interest, even if it is admin work and I would ultimately like to be in a hands-on position. Trying to get the courage up to go to a free program called a Spanish-English exchange at local library where you speak for half an hour in one language and half an hour in the other. I know some Spanish but want to learn much more. This is a good way to learn but I have so much social anxiety, I don't know about this hour of one-to-one conversation, yikes! I fear I will have nothing at all to talk about/ask! Anyway, doing a bit better, trying to just realize I have to take my life slow and also not try to control it too much, just accomplish small goals and watch where they take me. That is helpful for me anyway.

So now just going up and down with my mood... Can be suicidal thinking some days but now having a couple of happy days as well. This is progress. For me it is really important to only eat unprocessed organic foods I've noticed. I have found that "normal" foods make me feel terrible, and sometimes even really depressed. Days with good foods I feel clear headed, lighter, happier.

I hope you all find your own ways to lift some of the burden, to not feel so trapped by sadness. I guess it just has to be tiny steps toward happier times.

Also, winter is slowly passing which is helping my mood as well. Winter is so hard on me and I'm sure on many others too.

Take care, wishing the best for you all today.

<3 Amanda

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...