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It sucks to be in depression limbo


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I've been on the prozac for about 10 days now, and while I don't feel like breaking into the locked medicine cabinet with a crowbar for a massive quantity of xanax, I still feel like shit. Today was an especially bad day. I slept most of the day I was home alone. When I was awake, I didn't do anything. I didn't clean, I didn't cook (we ate takeout for the second day in a row, extremely unlike me), I didn't even really get on the computer. I just laid on the couch watching it rain and thinking about how miserable I felt. Not that my life is miserable, my mom and I talked (see my blog) and I guess I have to accept what she did and when she says she didn't do it because she didn't want to be with my family. And everything else in my life is good. So WTF is this depression hitting me now? I haven't had a depressive episode in more than a year.

My husband tries to be understanding, but since I have more mania than depression, me moping around the house throws him for a loop. He falls back on his old standby, "Go see your doctor." I told him that I'm doing all I can be done, I just have to wait until the medication kicks in.

I just wish this would pass. It's like I have this memory of what I used to be like - smiling, laughing, happy. And I'm stuck in this dark gray world, nailed in place. I know intellectually that it won't last forever, but right now it seems like it will.

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I'm sorry you feel so yucky... hang in there.

It sucks to cycle down when you're a mania sort of person. The meds will work, just keep reminding yourself of that. I can feel myself trying to slip downward, and my hubby is calling my pdoc today to see if we can adjust and nip the slide in the bud before it goes too far.

Even if you don't get up and clean, maybe find something that you like to do, like painting? When I start slipping, I get a cheap clay flower pot and a couple of colors of craft acrylic paints at walmart. The actions involved with the simple brushstrokes on the clay are very soothing, and gives you a small goal to set and see get accomplished as the color covers the clay. It will give you something practical to do till the meds kick in. ;)

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Have you thought about if it might just be the weather and time of year? It sounds like you already have some mental stuff, but the dark months can just make it so much worse. Not saying that's the only reason, but it may be something. Also, not that I'm telling you to get off of your med, especially since ADs take awhile to work, but what if it's not right for you, or too low of a dose? I'm sorry for what you're going through, and I'm sure a ton of us on here understand completely.

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Gizmo, I just remembered you had surgery. How incapacitated are you by that still? I *always* get depressed when I am pretty much unable to move because of orthopedic surgery. And I agree with Koali, it could be light sensitivity. I used to always get super depressed around the solstice, although as I keep saying ad nauseum, my illness has totally changed, and now light boxes make me hypo-manic.

And did you know that Monday was "Blue Monday," which is supposed to be the most depressing day of the year even for "normals?"

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