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Why do I have this sick desire to be in the hospital?


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By hospital, I mean mental health ward. I don't know why I want it. I try to go over what I like about it (set schedules, caring people, people who understand me, healthy, productive things to do), but I can get that anywhere. What the hell is wrong with me? I am so sick of who I am and how I can't seem to get better. It's not that I want attention, I HATED getting visitors when I was in there. How can I make these cravings go away and substitute them with something else?

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I want to go to the phospital you go to. Seriously, mine isn't bad, it just isn't good. You can watch tv (turned on the same channel all day long) or watch a movie if they let anyone bring them in (first time no, second time yes). You could go to the gym area once a day, if the nurses remembered or cared to let you go. Then there were the sporadic group therapy sessions that sometimes were mandatory, sometimes not. The only consistent thing they did was have a smoke break every 90 minutes or so (and I don't smoke). The only thing my phospital did was drug me and warehouse me until I could convince me pdoc that I was safe to go home.

Now, why would you want that? Are you sure you aren't have a bit of the old amnesia-driven "the grass is greener on the other side" thinking? Because your life really is for the better on the outside. If you are in life-threatening trouble, then the phospital's the only place you need to be. But if you are just adrift and unsure, the hospital isn't going to help you find your way.

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Mine was really good, it was like a resort but a resort that tried to help you get better. We didn't have a gym, but there were tons of donated movies and several channels. But you're right, things are better on the outside. It may be the grass is greener thing. And I don't know if I'm a threat to myself. I'm hoping my meds will kick in so I won't be if I am.

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the other inmates may not be personalities that you can relate to. if it's a county locked ward-that is a guaranteed! be your own advocate and go towards the best psychiatric help available in the time you have before caving in. the locked ward is almost assuredly understaffed, overworked and 24 hours in there becomes a miserable 2 or 3 x perceived longer in duration.

do anything in your power to get medical help other than a county ward. it sucks that you are teetering on the edge and there are hundreds of us crackpots here that have been in your shoes (so to speak). if you have no health insurance (whether private or subsidized) just hang on somehow and get in debt if you have to rather than use the rubber rooms of last resort.

there is no one here that doesn't wish for you to regain your emotional and rational well being.

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I think you're right, sylvan. I want to be safe where people take care of me but don't freak out about it (as my mom would if she knew how I was feeling right now). I liked the quiet yet constant companionship with people there. I mean when we were all on meds, no one was that "weird" and it was a simple mental health ward, not a locked state ward, so no one was extremely dangerous. I liked others worrying about feeding me and giving me my medications and being required to be there when I was upset.

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I used to want to go in for several reasons and I can only speak about my own experiences -

I wanted to have someone understand me, I felt lost and wanted help figuring things out, I wanted to not be alone, I wanted (as much as I hated it too) people to check on me ever 15 minutes while I was on suicide watch. I wanted to matter. I wanted to be safe and I wanted to change.

I have found all the ways for the last many years to help myself with all of those issues - the only reason I would go into the hospital now is to feel safe. I've managed to find out that I matter, I know people understand me, I seek people out so I'm not alone and I'm changing through my tdoc/pdoc and recovery and just doing things different.

Shoot there were times I put myself in the hospital just to get out of responsibilities.

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I totally understand your feelings about wanting to go in to the hospital. I've had them myself. I wanted to be in a place where I had no responsibilities, where I felt safe, where I didn't have to worry about answering to anyone. I haven't felt that way in a while now, but I understand how you feel.

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I think Stormienite has the right idea - maybe you just need a vacation away from the people and responsibilities that are stressing you out. Check yourself into the nicest hotel you can afford, turn off your cell phone, and order room service. Use the gym and the pool and just relax.

Or if you can't afford that - go to a cheap motel for the weekend, stock up on DVDs and snacks before hand, and order pizza.

This is all assuming you can keep yourself safe. If not, go to the hospital.

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Wish all phospitals were like the one you described... I'd certainly wanna go in! But nowadays those are rare. When I was younger, the hospitalizations were really good, for being removed from daily life, work schedules, responsibilities, trials and tribulations, etc. The phospital was-and still should be-a place to focus solely on treatment, without trying to work and function in society at the same time. However, most phospitals nowadays are nothing more than lock-downs for suicidal or psychotic ppl. There's no program or caring staff (they're spread too thin, burned out, and not about to look up from their charts long enough to acknowledge a patient, smoke breaks are sporadic at best, and the staff seem burdoned by smoke, or any other, requests. I can't focus on TV or reading when that sick, though others can...) Glad you have one of the few "resort" facilities nearby that you can turn to...by all means go in if you feel unsafe or unstable, but if not, I'd really recommend that you go to a good therapist on a regular basis (or an outpatient program) to work on new, longer lasting coping skills for dealing with life on "the outside." I can certainly understand where you're coming from (having been there once, way back when) but it does get harder, not easier, to break the "escape to the phospital" pattern as time goes on, and out here is where we eventually have to move forward with our lives... just ramblings from a veteran mental health patient here, is all.... Wish you the best. -Lav

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The phospital I'm in right now is 5 stars. I mean, common, they have a computer and weirless internet! But hey, that's Mayo. More importantly than that there are LOTS of trained pnurses, and the majority of them are A++ and very caring. It irks me that people here still complain, because I've been in some awful places, but that's another topic.

For me I end up here because I know I'm safe. Even if I don't always want to be, I know there's nothing I could really do to myself here. There's always someone to turn to. Some programming and some of it is even relavent.

But now I've been here so often that they tried to commit me- I would have been off to the county hospital then. But then the county decided to send me to residental treatment instead. I embark tomorrow!

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By hospital, I mean mental health ward. I don't know why I want it. I try to go over what I like about it (set schedules, caring people, people who understand me, healthy, productive things to do), but I can get that anywhere. What the hell is wrong with me? I am so sick of who I am and how I can't seem to get better. It's not that I want attention, I HATED getting visitors when I was in there. How can I make these cravings go away and substitute them with something else?

I am just like you. When life starts to get tough I start to have thoughts about going back to P Hospital. It always seems such a safe place. I am lucky that the P Hospitals i have been in our part of the Priory Group in the UK. These hospitals are more like a hotel than a hospital, so when I'm depressed or manic (if I realise I am manic) the thought of going in hospital is always a good one.

I think for me going back to hospital is a chance for me to remove myself from the responsibilities of life, be around other people similar to me. Know that i wont do anything "silly".

For me now if i am to carry on getting better I have to try and take on life's responsibilities and not run from them back to hospital. Hospital for me needs to be a last resort and I can't view it as a simple "escape" root for a bit of time out.

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I forgot about my thread here and so I was happy to see so many replies when I came back. You're all right. It's a safe place. If you're lucky, it's like a hotel. It's nice to be checked on and have kind people be sweet and caring to you, it's nice to have set meals and schedules, it's nice to feel secure in a locked facility (the door to the ward was locked of course). But the people that said check into a hotel...I may do just that. Taking my laptop, laying on the bed, surfing the web, calling room service, watching movies...all in a locked room, sound so safe. If I wasn't on meds I'd want to drink in there too but I can't...lol. Thank you for that suggestion. My birthday is coming up in March, and maybe that will be my little present to myself. I'm in school and work now, but my birthday is during break so I can take as much time as I want! I work and saved money, so I can afford it for a bit ;) Thank you.

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who pays for these stays ? i am just after being billed $16k for short stay surgery . my insurance will pick up the majority of the bill and savings will be busted open to pay the 20% that's my responsibility. that price tag doesn't yet include anesthesiologist, surgeon and what ever else comes with this round of cancer fighting . i been in rubber rooms when i was young and without visible means of support - the tax payer paid - not me .

i been in rubber rooms that the VA ran and the tax payer paid . these joints are not hotels . my health insurance amounts to 4/5ths of my social security check - ain't that something !

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Some of us are talking about different facilities. I'd never want to go to a locked ward. The ONLY thing I originally posted was about the good type of "mental health unit." This is different than a state institution. I'd be out of my mind to want to go to one of those.

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