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i hate having low self esteem. i hate it. why can't i be like other people and think "hey, i'm cool and i can do this"????

i'm so caught up in feeling like i'm not good enough for anything.

no one really likes me.

okay, people like me in general but since i can't invite myself places NO ONE ever calls me and invites me out (not that i'm available more often than 2 evenings a month). i think i've dug myself into a stupid hole. i feel totally isolated.

of course, when i do go out i obsess about everything i've said or done OR people are so irritating that i think "well that was a fucking waste of time". though.... i've only been "out" with a friend 3 times in the past year and a half.... and i find myself disliking people more and more. it's even rubbed off on my daughter. she's only 10 and will tell you "i don't like people". she's got friends at school and is one of the more "popular" kids but she REALLY doesn't like most people.

anyway.

just venting about feeling like shit because i don't do anything.... because i don't think i can do anything very well.

fucking hell.

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Yea it can be a lot of work just thinking over all that was said and wondering if you did anything wrong. It can take some effort.

The hole comparison makes sense.

I guess some people are like that and what is the way out?

Trying to see how to improve the situation.........

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people can be hard to handle some times...especially if you're not feeling so well.

that said, it can be nice to have some supportive social contacts. do you feel like the depression's getting in the way of things? i'd wonder whether a support group might help out. it's not "friends" and you probably wouldn't "hang out," but it might help with some of the social interaction.

one other possibility might be a group therapy option...it can help you work on your crap, while working on intrapersonal stuff as well.

those are obviously on the therapeutic side of things, rather than the every day life things, but maybe something to explore?

also--why do you feel like you can't just invite yourself out? why not see it as you inviting someone else out to join you, rather than you inviting yourself into their plans? is there something you find relaxing that you could bring one or two people to?

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"do you feel like the depression's getting in the way of things?"

always.

"why do you feel like you can't just invite yourself out?"

i don't know. it feels icky. i'm afraid they will either say no or make up an excuse.

"why not see it as you inviting someone else out to join you,"

because i can't make decisions and can never decide where to go. then if i call someone i think they'll say no. it causes major anxiety.

"is there something you find relaxing that you could bring one or two people to?"

no, because i never go anywhere other than target and the grocery store.

as for group therapy or a support group.... i haven't found anything here that is during the day and seems like it would fit me.

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as for group therapy or a support group.... i haven't found anything here that is during the day and seems like it would fit me.

Sometimes it seems like life was easier stumbling through life completely depressed/fucked-up. At least then, well people still would suck but since there wasn't much that could be done to make you feel much worse, there'd be nothing to lose just going out and doing any of that stuff. Might even be vaguely entertaining or something...

That's my generally morose take on things. But maybe it would be OK to do group therapy/support/underwater basketweaving/whatever even if it doesn't fit so great, until something that fits better comes along. It's worth trying for a while anyway. What do you have to lose - your marbles?

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i'm so caught up in feeling like i'm not good enough for anything.

of course, when i do go out i obsess about everything i've said or done OR people are so irritating that i think "well that was a fucking waste of time". though.... i've only been "out" with a friend 3 times in the past year and a half.... and i find myself disliking people more and more. it's even rubbed off on my daughter. she's only 10 and will tell you "i don't like people". she's got friends at school and is one of the more "popular" kids but she REALLY doesn't like most people.

maybe there is one little thing to help you feel good about something?

maybe something with your daughter?

the fact that you have a daughter is something amazing that you did

i have a 10yr old too. sounds pretty similar - popular, but doesn't seem to like many people. For her, I think she thinks that whatever needs to be done, she can do best, so she doesn't need anyone lol.

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... i think i've dug myself into a stupid hole. i feel totally isolated.

...just venting about feeling like shit because i don't do anything.... because i don't think i can do anything very well.

fucking hell.

You are "...not alone in being alone"

http://www.youtube.c...feature=related

I apparently rated "extreme social isolation" on my late diagnosis with Asperger's, age 48.

You don't live in Cornwall and like playing board games, do you?

Or happen to be into toy trains?

It doesn't make it good because other people struggle too, but it does mean it is not "just you".

And you've got a daughter, a which is a step-up in connectedness from me.

And yes, sometimes a vent or rant is good.

Best wishes, Chris.

Edited: spelling.

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"What do you have to lose - your marbles?" - that cracked me up! very true.

"maybe there is one little thing to help you feel good about something? " - hmm... i'm sure there is but i haven't found it yet... or really there have been things in the past but they somehow get screwed up and wind up making me feel worse.

"You dont live in Cornwall and like playing board games, do you? Or happen to be into toy trains?" - LOL nope. sorry. i don't even know where cornwall is.... i suck at board games for some reason.... toy trains could be fun for a few minutes but i think i'd quickly lose interest.

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"You dont live in Cornwall and like playing board games, do you? Or happen to be into toy trains?" - LOL nope. sorry. i don't even know where cornwall is.... i suck at board games for some reason.... toy trains could be fun for a few minutes but i think i'd quickly lose interest.

You see, I'm not great at connecting either! Let's be disconnected together, or something...

Cornwall is at the end of the bit sticking out of the South West of England.

Beautiful in Summer (when we have one): cliffs. beaches, moorland, rivers.

OK, not board games or trains (sob!): any particular interests or hobbies you are into?

When very bad, I retreat into re-reading favourite books.

Chris.

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I was trying to explain to my popular and extrovert boyfriend why I have very few friends and not much of a social life. I'm just an introvert with low confidence. I have stuff to offer, but it's not all shouted about the moment a person meets me, they discover it in time. I'm not good at broadcasting my strengths. I'm the supportive person in the background.

I'm becoming okay with that being my thing.

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"You dont live in Cornwall and like playing board games, do you? Or happen to be into toy trains?" - LOL nope. sorry. i don't even know where cornwall is.... i suck at board games for some reason.... toy trains could be fun for a few minutes but i think i'd quickly lose interest.

You see, I'm not great at connecting either! Let's be disconnected together, or something...

Cornwall is at the end of the bit sticking out of the South West of England.

Beautiful in Summer (when we have one): cliffs. beaches, moorland, rivers.

OK, not board games or trains (sob!): any particular interests or hobbies you are into?

When very bad, I retreat into re-reading favourite books.

Chris.

ahhhhh..... i wasn't thinking outside of the US box!!

sorry 'bout the board games and trains. hobbies/interests i'm into? well, i suppose since i don't make any money at my art it's more of a hobby so there's that but it's not a hobby that will get me to socialize. i like to play guitar (not very good at it) but haven't played in a while due to being depressed all the time and i don't know anyone who likes to play with people who aren't very good at it.

i do like to read but i don't do it often enough. mostly because i never have a big enough block of time i guess and it makes me feel like i'm being self indulgent.

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ahhhhh..... i wasn't thinking outside of the US box!!

No worries: quite a lot of the UK doesnlt tjhink about Cornwall, either.

(US: been to San Francisco and the Bay area twice, Chicago and area, and a good trip around much of Wisconsin)

...i suppose since i don't make any money at my art it's more of a hobby so there's that but it's not a hobby that will get me to socialize.

I know that near catch-22: if you are on your own a lot you need activities you can do alone... but if you get into them it almost turns self-reinforcing.

*Groups* for those sort of hobbies, including art, do exist, but no, I'm not that good at the reaching out and compromising that's involved, either.

I don't easily fit at my two nearest model railway clubs: yes, I have the "wrong sort of trains"!

i do like to read but i don't do it often enough. mostly because i never have a big enough block of time i guess and it makes me feel like i'm being self indulgent.

You say that like it's a bad thing. Go on, indulge a little. With milk and cookies?

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