Rhekarid Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 I'm in a bit of an annoying pickle, yet the bitterness is not as delicious. I've been in and out and in again and to psychiatrists, therapists, and other related degree-on-the-wall important types since I was 8. Currently I'm 22, and nobody can seem to agree what exactly is wrong with me, though the favorites are depression, Asperger Syndrome, ADD, anhedonia, and a handful of schizoid/traumatic/avoidant whatevers. Medication has been suggested many, many times, but not until recently was I finally, and barely, willing to give it a try. My most recent psychiatrist strongly wanted to prescribe Paxil, and after a few days of agonized pondering, decided to give it a shot. Unfortunately, my insurance company feels that Paxil is not allowed as a "first" antidepressant. Instead I'd have to take something, have it not work, and then be switched to Paxil. At this moment I'm waiting for the doctor to call back with a list of things that they WILL cover, but he mentioned Remeron as his second choice over the phone. Not having researched that one, I put up a delay and proceeded to read about it. It appears to be decently more potent than Paxil. From what I've seen, and correct me if I'm wrong, the biggest and most likely side effects are intense hunger and intense fatigue. The hunger I can live with; I'm not far above underweight, and while landing in the overweight range looks to be not unlikely, I don't really care. I'm not too concerned with how others regard me in terms of how fat I am, and I know enough about the body and fat and so on to know that my health wouldn't really be in danger from being a bit overweight, and I'm confident enough in my self-control to, at the very least, be able to spread the sugar-craving into just eating more in general of a more balanced intake. The fatigue is another matter: I don't have trouble sleeping, and I DO NOT want to sleep more than I already do, roughly 7 hours. If I were pushed any higher than 8-9 hours, I would stop taking it immediately, period. I sure don't need those 14-hour nights I've read about, and am a bit worried about that considering I don't have a sleep problem to begin with. In that regard, if I do accept the Remeron, I'd probably insist on 30mg doses instead of 15 to ward off the sleeping. But I've read, at this site particularly, that it's not for light or moderate depression, and that it can cause a great deal of happiness when it works. I don't want that. I have an intense fear of drugs that alter mood/personality directly, and something that did that would lead to some serious problems. But the mention of it is a bit vague, hence the real point of this thread: some clarification. The site says "when it works." Does this pill just ram a log of happy down your throat? Or, if the particular problem it corrects isn't what YOUR particular problem is, does it have no effect in that area? Does it only change mood if it's really fixing something, or will it cause some insane euphoria in those who aren't actually in the deepest pits of depression? It's important to me to know exactly what it does. My depression is an unsteady surface. I've been diagnosed with that since my age was in the single digits, but as I said before, all these years and doctors later, nobody can really agree and nail down what's wrong with me. I have an extremely limited ability to process emotions, and have for as long as I can remember, which is about a week. My childhood is a big gray blob. Apathy is a sign of depression, but also of AS and other things. And given all the conflicting diagnosis and my own state of mind, I don't know. I "feel" very little, and I'm just not all there in many other ways. I don't honestly know how depressed I am, and neither does anyone else. So is the Remeron a valid risk? If it will either clobber a real problem or do nothing is fine, but if it either clobbers the problem or severely overmedicates a nonexistent one is not, and before making a decision I want to know if it's worth a shot. Sorry about the long post, I tend to ramble a bit in text form. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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