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I was diagnosed Manic Depressive at app. age nine. Which now is called Bipolar 1. (wondering about Child Onset) diagnosed ADD, Anxiety Disorder

Now....

It is like my brain gives the wrong signals. All the feelings and emotions or thoughts I feel are so extreme they seem to have a real purpose and sometimes I have trouble realizing the difference between what is real and what is not anymore.I cycle very rapidly sometimes several times within one day and sometimes a few days. It is hard to talk about because cause and effect is so natural to us that sometimes people dont understand how i can be so hurt or happy or angry with no cause. I jump back and forth with every decision. I can love someone so much and suddenly feel I dont think I do anymore. I dont gradually loose interest I suddenly loose interest and move on to someting else. I can be completely engulfed in a project or a book or an idea and then I will just leave it and move onto another.

My brain constantly goes over and over every conversation I have or text I send and I obsess over how the recipient will understand, I should have said this, I should have said that...Im now to the point where i almost dont even want to talk to others.

When people do talk to me and tell me things it is like I cant focus on what they are saying to me. I can be looking at them and nodding when I feel cued but my brain is so far away I can hear none of the actual words coming from their mouth. I catch myself just spacing out. Sometimes my eyes will be big and fixed and I dont realize it is happening until someone asks me what Im thinking of but I cant remember.

When I go out to places of business or other peoples houses I feel instantly anxious, I worry i will say something wrong, or smell funny, or not look right. I feel this all to the extreme that I prefer to stay at home as much as I can. When at big places like Walmart or Lowes I actually feel faint if I look up from the floor. I have been turned down jobs because I cant take a tour of a factory at all.

I am getting depressed again now. I havent been this low in a while but when I was on the Prozac I was forgetting important things about my life. Like how to get to work, my age, where I was going, where I parked, other peoples names. I am allergic to Effexor and the drugs I remember being on are:

-Imipramine

-Risperdol

-Depakote

-Trazadone

-Lexapro

-Paxil

-Wellbutrin

-Prozac

-Elavil

-Remeron

-Buspar

-Xanax

-Abilify

-Celexa

-Adderall

They have suggested Lithium many times but I am so afraid of Tardive Dyskinesia.

Sorry if it is too much to read....I tried

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What you describe sounds somewhat like Borderline Personality Disorder mixed with some flavor of an anxiety disorder as well as other symptoms I can't place a name on. No one here at CrazyBoards is able to diagnose you or tell you that you specifically have something (mainly because we have very few mental health professionals here, and we you can't diagnose going by a single post). I would suggest that you seek help from a psychologist or psychiatrist (or even get a second opinion).

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