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feeling mixed episode coming on


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I feel a mixed episode coming on and it's fairly intense. I can feel the agitation and the ...just the intensity alone is making my jaw clench. I don't have any prn for times like this and other than trying to be alone and away from people and just trust that "this too shall pass" I don't know what else to do.

I feel like...honestly I wish one of my teeth would break or I'd have a heart attack so I could justify being on pain pills to just change how I'm feeling. But honestly pills make things sooooooooo much worse - like "shut the fuck up, you're messing up my high" kinda thing. Plus I haven't used in almost 6 years so ... it's just not an option but I still think about it.

So not only am I venting but I'm asking - what do you guys do when you have a mixed episode? Do you get the "nasties" - I feel vicious inside like I just wanna be mean to people and tell everyone to fuck off. I feel edgy and testy and I can feel a "come on punk, mess with me...just push my buttons and you'll see...you'll see" kinda thing just growing inside. I call her "betty badass" I keep my mouth shut because I truly don't want to hurt anyone.

I just don't know what else to do and I feel like there's something I should be doing.

I feel like...ummmm.... when I have one of these episodes I feel like I've done something wrong and this is all my fault.

I hate it. fuck

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My mixed states used to be a lot like yours. I would flip out and like you said just want to be evil. During a mixed episode I actually got the symbol for evil tattooed on my arm. What I do when I feel it coming as cliche as it sounds is I call my pdoc and she adjusts my meds. She doesn't have me on any "oh crap" meds as I like to call them but I am pretty med sensitive so a little tweak here and there gets me down.

Sometimes I just put on my mp3 player and listen to some heavy metal when I feel mean or as weird as it seems to calm me down I listen to enya or some trance music. It really depends on how far gone I am as to what I listen too. I do feel the heavier music pushes me more manic but I like others like to walk that line occasionally.

What I would do is either call the doc or maybe try some meditating. That used to help me and I still do it when I get anxious for no reason.

The biggest key thing I can say is it isn't your fault. These things happen to everyone on this forum and it is ok. It is a big step and show of control that you can come here and vent and reach out. As my doc says that shows that you still have your senses about you and are trying to do the right things. Sorry I can't be of more help I am a little zoned out on my meds right now.

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when it happens to me, I take extra zyprexa and that knocks it right down. so i'd suggest to take as much seroquel as you can since it has a similar effect to zyprexa.

other than that, vigorous exercise helps get some of that frustrated, angry energy out. If you follow that with some meditation or yoga you can stay in a pretty good space for an hour or two. It's not much, and youre still going to be on the adrenaline rush rollercoaster most of the day, but it will be a break and an hour or so of peace where you feel like you can breathe and relax for just a moment.

hang in there,

lluvia

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Sometimes I wish I could just go and beat the crap out of a stranger. When I get like that I just tell my family to back off and stay away from me. The best thing is get away, whether it's out of the house or just in a room by yourself. Take a book, fav movie, music. Just concentrate on yourself and forget about everyone around you. (unless of course, if the house is on fire lol)

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music, warn family, work out, ask for emergency med, hang in there and call pdoc...ok got it thanks you guys-but it's friday and my head tells me if I call pdoc today that I will be better by monday when she calls...oh wait, it's saturday...crap, never mind

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Tempesia, you need to call your doc when these episodes happen for a couple reasons. The most immediate is to get help so that you don't have to live the episode in it's full glory. That is why doctors are there, to treat symptoms when they emerge. Wanting them treated isn't weakness. It is healthy. It is what most pdocs expect from their pxs. I'm not sure if you are reluctant to call for similar reasons. A lot of people are at first, so I thought I'd mention it.

The second reason that you should be telling you doc about these episodes each time they occur is so that your pdoc can determine if you need more of a prophylaxis med regime. The meds in your signature are fairly low dose. If you aren't fully informing you pdoc about occurrence and severity, s/he isn't going to be able to make an informed decision regarding best treatment. Reporting out after the fact isn't the same as being assessed during. Ya know? Really, this stuff may seem somewhat insignificant, but really, it is important for your mental health.

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Tempesia, you need to call your doc when these episodes happen for a couple reasons. The most immediate is to get help so that you don't have to live the episode in it's full glory. That is why doctors are there, to treat symptoms when they emerge. Wanting them treated isn't weakness. It is healthy. It is what most pdocs expect from their pxs. I'm not sure if you are reluctant to call for similar reasons. A lot of people are at first, so I thought I'd mention it.

The second reason that you should be telling you doc about these episodes each time they occur is so that your pdoc can determine if you need more of a prophylaxis med regime. The meds in your signature are fairly low dose. If you aren't fully informing you pdoc about occurrence and severity, s/he isn't going to be able to make an informed decision regarding best treatment. Reporting out after the fact isn't the same as being assessed during. Ya know? Really, this stuff may seem somewhat insignificant, but really, it is important for your mental health.

I didn't know that I should call her EACH time. Are you sure? Isn't that like...overkill? I'm a bit foggy at the moment so I need to listen to outside people...I tell her each time I see her what has happened but by the time my month or two appt is up I'm pretty much onto the current issue and have forgotten or ...er...moved on (dunno what I'm trying to say here) and I also forget how "intense" my mixed episodes are. It's like "it's in the past, time to move on" - never occured to me to try to define when the moods are or chart them in any way.

Or do I keep a log? I'll call on Monday.. I thought I was doing good last week when I saw her. I'm so confused - still hungover from Seroquel and going from mixed to depression. I don't know if this is a single episode or if I'm one of those rapid cyclers. I feel so stupid and like I'm talking too much without making any sense.

Thanks for your input, I really appreciate it. I can come back and read it over and over til it makes sense.

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