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BPD symptoms, but..


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So my pdoc told me today that I do have a lot of bpd symptoms but that she will not diagnose me with it simply because I have so much depression/anxiety/social anxiety that she doesn't feel it is a good idea until we get that under control. She feels that those other issues could be causing the bpd symptoms and that if they were lessened/gone that maybe the bpd like stuff would not exsist.

I really like her.

She hasn't prescribed me a single med, though I am on 50mg of lamictal and today we were talking about how that tiny bit calmed a lot of anger/irritability for me, so I am going into my regular doc tomorrow (the one that ave me the script in the first place) to get it upped and see if that helps even more. She did say that she isn't feeling the original tentative bipolar diagnosis I got (yay!) and that she won't even say anything other than obviously severe depression/anxiety. So that's that.

She did mention that she feels DBT will be extremely helpful for me, whether I actually end up with a diagnosis of BPD of not, so I will be refered for that at my next appointment.

My only issue is that, while I know I focus a lot on my crappy relatonship with my partner, I feel like it is MY emotions, my way of taking things said to me and my short fuse and anger that is causing a lot of this (not that he isn't at fault too) and if I got that under control, maybe the relationship issues would clear up. I feel like she is sayng the relationship is the cause and that I shouldn't be in it.

I won't lie. Sometimes I don't want to be in it-- but that is when i am upset. I have no other real focus right now, different city, no friends/family/job so everything gets projected on that. All of my frustration and anger. So today I am really uncomfrtable with the anxiety over "what if she is right? what if it never gets better with us?" and then being stressed about that. I feel like I lost that tiny speck of positivity I had that it wasn't just 'us" being unfixable, but that it was something that could be worked out...

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Ultimately, DBT is the only treatment with any real proven efficacy in treating BPD. If you're going to be entering a DBT program, you'll be addressing a lot of the issues that you're having- regardless of their cause. If it is BPD, you're already getting the appropriate treatment.

Your pdoc is right to refrain from diagnosing a PD while in the midst of a mood episode. Its impossible to get an accurate picture of a person when they're in the midsts of a severe depressive episode.

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Well she didn't outright say "I think you should leave him" it was more along the lines of "This relationship is really affecting your mood and it isn't doing you any good" and the like until I really felt like she was telling me I shouldn't be there and THAT was a lot of my problem.

As for not diagnosing me now, I do know that is the right way for her to go about it, and I am quite glad for her restraint at not immediately shoving meds at me as well, though I do have this feeling of, you know, I don't even remember NOT feeling depressed, pretty much ever. She asked me if was depressed as a kid and all I could say was, well not exactly, because I didn't even know what it was then, and even now I can't say "yes, that was depression" because it's different when you were a kid then how things go as an adult. I know I was never really happy, but I was far better than where I am at now. And asking things like "did you have mood swings as a teen?" I can't even answer- I mean, I was a teenage girl! How do I diferentiate? I have a very hard time knowig if what I am feeling is a problem, or if I am just bowing it out of proportion and I always worry I am just making this up.

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