Newbie Fun

[Guest BOYD]

Hello to everyone- I just don't know where to start but this is the best site since sliced bread. There are so many issues with these meds(mine lexapro now) and basically know one to relate to except for my wife and she just cares that I'm doing better. I posted yesterday and got good advise. My Gen DR just tells me that you have to balance the good with the bad period- like go figure it out for yourself. He just says that as you get older (54) you don't prouduce enough of the right chemicals in the brain and this can lead to the inability to deal with stress. Sounds easy but when I got depressed 1 1/2 years ago I didn't have a clue what was happening. The only thing that made me realize what was happening was I was thinking I was worst than a co worker that was getting help & on meds. I never understood his problem until I saw myself through him. And believe me I thought he was really out there. He gave me a 10 point depression sheet and after reading it I had every symptom, according to the sheet I was in a major depression. My Doc put me on Zoloft which worked until it got me too volitle. Went off of it and relapsed 4 mo. later worst than the 1st time. I know that the med are powerful and really scare the hell out of me. Paxil made me worse then the Doc says O well we'll try lexapro. That was after repeated calls telling the nurse I couldn't get out of bed on the paxil. I was reading the net about alot of this depends on how your body metabolizes the med. For me a small amount goes a long way. But anyway after reading some topics I'm not the only one with all these crazy thoughts and questions with these meds. I was just about to quit them until I read the Boss's intro page. That guy is really great. Now like what the **** was I think'in. Now I'm so happy I'm  ocd'in on this site. I've always had some problems like social anxeity big time but I think I'm really on some kind of right course. My wife thinks I'm doing good except for the fact that I'm 54 and ocd on XBOX online. Now I can ocd on this web site. I'll probably get booted out for over indulgence. Gotta go.

[grousemouse]

hi boyd,

welcome to crazymeds. i'm glad you managed to make your way here.

this thing you said really jumped out at me.

"when I got depressed 1 1/2 years ago I didn't have a clue what was happening. The only thing that made me realize what was happening was I was thinking I was worst than a co worker that was getting help & on meds. I never understood his problem until I saw myself through him. "

this was one of the main benefits i got from my first group therapy. i would find that i was completely content to feel terrible about myself, but when other people in the group talked about themselves i would find myself getting angry that they would say such bad things about themselves. i would want to stop them and say 'don't you see how strong you really are? even from knowing you for less than an hour i can see that you're smart, funny, compassionate, courageous. stop ignoring those parts of yourself!'. and then i found that having felt it for other people, i could turn that outrage on myself for being so negative about myself when i had all these good qualities too. what i was doing was seeing all these terribly negative and unfair things that i did to myself like my ways of thinking badly about myself being done by other people to themselves. and then i was able to see how i did the same thing to myself.

another powerful tool that we used in a group session i was attending was brought up by one of the people in the group. he said that when he was feeling really bad about himself due to depression, he would try to imagine someone else as having achieved all that he had and having all his good characteristics. when he did this he found that he quite admired that person who was really himself projected as another person. it's kind of a way of circumventing the depression telling you that YOU are shit and useless cos it doesn't tell you that someone else is shit and useless. so if you project yourself onto someone else you can actually find yourself quite admirable.

i hope you are able to track down some therapy for yourself. the meds front is a very important one without question. but a gp isn't really trained for that kind of thing. your best bet would be to find a psychiatrist who specialises in your problems and go see them. they can dispense medication for you and can provide you with therapy that will help you learn about your problems. they can also help teach you skills to reduce the impact of your problems on your life.

take care,

grouse.