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I had a surgery back in 2005, they used Ketamine and Propofol to put me out, also Valium, I look back to that day, and have the craving to feel what I felt when I came out of surgery, I was awake and I hallucinated on this combo, I felt so Euphoric and good! I have the craving to feel that way again, and thinking about having another surgery to feel that way! I clearly obsess about that day cause I felt good. Does this make me an Addict?

I'm just curious.

B.

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im not an expert at all in this, but i dont think so. It sounds more like you have a predisposition towards addictive behaviour, or perhaps a craving rather than an addiction.

Yes But I think about it all the time, I even attempted to get a rx for Ketamine, which is Ketalar.

B.

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For me addiction is two-fold. Mental (can't stop thinking about it/obssessing and going to allll sorts of lengths to obtain it) and physical (once I have it I must have more against all evidence to the contrary that I shouldn't-like physical side effects or health consequences)

Case in point - late 80s/early 90's I had a migraine and went to ER, they gave me vicodin. The experience was so euphoric and wonderful and made such an imprint on me that I remember what bed I was in in the ER, I remember thinking to myself "I have got to get more of this yummy stuff" And then I chased it, hard.

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I have had very similar feelings of absolute desperate need/want/craving/have already felt like this etc towards the following things

- any illicit drug (have not yet tried any, but feel like i am drawn to it... dont intend to try any)

- jumping off the roof (this mainly happens when i am manic but even if i think about it when feeling normal i still feel attracted to the idea)

I wonder if it is something to do with Bipolar. I am quite a calm and chilled out person. But when manic I get extremely excited over very random things. And that feeling or emotion is definitely remembered so that occasionally when i'm not at all manic, i experience a similar reaction towards a thought or suggestion or event.

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