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Falling down the rabbit hole


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I won't give details, because I think my hubby ready this board. Let's just say I've been very, very self-destructive with my meds this week. I think he suspects something (I went to bed at 7 pm the past two nights and woke up at 10 pm refreshed from my "migraine" The bad thing is that I'm doing this with the very few meds I have on hand.

I'm depressed and actually need the xanax. And I actually need the pain pills for my migraines when they occur. To tell a doctor would be bye bye to both, and I can't live like that. For five years I did without, and it was hell (no issues there, just shitty doctors)

I'm really depressed right now for various stupid reasons and Mr Gizmo isn't concerned. So I don't cook or clean or help kids with homework. But it's a big deal with me. Now it looks like me and 8 year old will get braces at the same time. Where the fuck are two poor people with shitty credit gonna pay for that? And I feel bad about need braces for a bite that won't close (only the back two the on the left side) when the frickin molars on her teeth are growing in sideways and one of her front teeth is purchased all the way in the back.

Maybe tomorrow I will buy a big bottle of booze and drink it to oblivion. Fuck, I can't do that. Hunny's off. it's Saturday. More pills.

ETA: Corrected typos

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My meds this week has been out of control! I wake up late, take meds late and everything else. I understand about the Xanax, I'm on Klonopin and my tolerance built up pretty much once, I was taking so many.... I titrated down to 2.25mg of Klonopin from 5mg and now at 3mg, plus I tried Celexa that messed me up some way, it just has not been my week. And now I'm thinking adding in the Xanax again on top of Klonopin, 0.5mg as needed.

B.

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Oh gizmo, I am so sorry you're having such an awful time, I understand the lack of dollars to pay for braces let alone for you both, I really wish there was a good solution. Just take care of yourself and know that even though we're powerless to help the situation, we're here listening, okay? ;)

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Hey Gizmo,

Sorry I've not been around for a while, but you know you've all been in my thoughts.

Sorry you're having such a crappy time of it, too.

Can't offer any real concrete help. but wanted to let you know I feel for you.

And oblivion ain't all that. It has a nasty habit of turning back into an even worse reality.

Love and peace, sending you good thoughts and strength.

Love Maz x

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