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Turning Into a Recluse, and Don't Mind


Catnapper

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I moved to the southeastern U.S. for work about a year ago, and I really like my job, and my employer likes my work. I get along well with my coworkers, am generally regarded as easygoing, have a good sense of humor, in other words, no problems with social relationships.

However, since I've moved here I've had trouble making meaningful friendships. I am friends with some of my co-workers, and see them on a limited basis outside of work, but they're pretty superficial relationships. A huge part of the social scene here revolves around church and family. I don't have any family left to speak of (and none in the area), and I'm not a Christian. Also my politics lean far to the left of anyone I've met here so far. Two friendships that I thought were getting off to a good start have cooled since I was invited to their "fellowship group" and I politely declined.

I do have very good friends that I've been friends with for many years that I speak with regularly on the phone, and visit a few times a year, limited because of the distance and the expense.

Although I would like to have someone to play Scrabble with and go to a movie or something, I spend most weekends on my own and don't really mind. I don't long for love, and it doesn't bother me that some days the only conversation I have is with my cats. I also know that social isolation isn't a good thing combined with MI. But I feel fine, and keep myself amused, so I wonder if I should make more effort to find a group of like-minded souls. I'm interested in hearing others' thoughts and experiences, and I also wanted to vent about life in a small southern town. Or as the locals are always saying to me, "You ain't from around here, are you?"

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i am an accomplished recluse . started as a child . too much goes wrong when i am trying to hang with people or hooked up with a woman . so i retired to an isolated part of the states and a backwoods few acres .

the urge to socialize is not entirely dead but can be satisfied by just an hour or two's interaction every few weeks .

the south east is rough . i don't know how you maintain there . the ex's parents were from a small community in the interior of georgia . when we would visit and i would go for walks the blinds would part and calls to the police would be made . the barneys stopped me several times asking me who, when and where while simply out for a walk . that's some backwards fearful shit .

i too question the possibility of having a good life while living semi removed from society . recluses are in the minority . i know of a couple of other old men that have no social interaction . one is of the order that wears long underwear 365 and talks complete nonsense . the other types manifesto type crap on his computer but is not connected to the web . he's so important that the government is after him - it killed his wife and child and subjected him to nuclear radiation . i have dodged these whack fucks since i encountered them soon after my house was built five years ago.

i too would like something similar to your desire . not scrabble but hearts, spades etc. i miss the sunday games back where i spent half of my life . i volunteer 2 hours behind our library desk and there are card games in one of the public rooms, canasta i believe-gotta look at how it's played before i work up the nerve to inquire about a place at the table.

good luck down there !

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Any animal shelter or care groups that are local? The animals I can relate to immediately, of course, but being involved with such a group, I get to meet people similar minded. No guarantees, of course, but someone who connects with animals ... then there's a real person there.

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I'm useless, I wouldn't mind it either. Just letting you know you're not the only one. I'd probably love it. I'd have all this time to myself to read and write and do whatever, no knocks on the door, or ringing on the phone, doesn't sound so bad to me. Not that I encourage this, I just feel the same way.

Really, I socialize a few times a week, but that's if I work on the weekends, socialization, outside of speaking with my family, it completely rare for me. I don't go out with friends very often, sometimes SO has people over, that's not so bad as long as I'm medicated or can hide somewhere with my computer.

If the mental health community does not find your preference for isolation to be healthy, then I suppose you should get help for it.

Sorry I don't have anything REAL to say.

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Other than i2d2, I have no friends here (and he's not here anymore ;) ). I have many acquaintances, but no friends. I spend much of my time alone and it's basically my preference - even though it's *boring* because there's nothing to do in this damned town. Sure, I don't mind being around where other people are, but having to put up with the petty social things? Nah, most of the time I'd prefer not.

There's a huge difference between being alone because one wishes to be alone and being alone because society cast you out. It sounds to me like you'd just rather be alone. Nothing wrong with that.

Read the book Party of One and you'll see that you're not alone. The book is a bit militant for me, but hey, it does show that being a loner isn't as against society's norms as people like to think.

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Catnapper, when I go to visit our family members who live in the southeast, I have all I can do to keep my mouth shut for that week or 10 days. This town is so conservative that I doubt there would be anyone I could even hang out with, if we ended up living there.

So I can understand why you're alone. If you don't attend a church, and you don't have kids in the school system, it's hard to find congenial souls. If you have time, it might be worthwhile to volunteer, as other members have suggested. If the local community college has any non-credit courses that interest you, that's usually a low-cost way to learn something fun and get out of the house.

But you seem happy with entertaining yourself and I don't think it's a bad thing. It only becomes a concern if you start to feel lonely and abandoned.

olga

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