Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Maybe I'm not made to be in a relationship?


Recommended Posts

So, whenever I start dating someone, I get HORRIBLE anxiety about everything. If we do end up in a relationship (which only happens sometimes because I often sabotage things early on by being clingy and super anxious), this lasts about a month.

With the current person I'm supposed to be seeing (Well, during reading week when I'm back in my hometown, anyway), everything is freaking me right out and I don't know if it's her or if it's me. Like, when I first asked her out, she was all cute about it and seemed really excited. Then she apparently accidentally deleted me from facebook while meaning to delete someone else with the same first name as me, and was subsequently too embarrassed to submit another friend request. (I requested her again, though, and she did add me.) Then, the next time we talked on the phone, she definitely seemed more distant, probably because she was hanging out with a friend of hers that doesn't seem to like me very much. Also, her and said friend were joking about their "stalkers" over facebook, so I sent her a "sorry for overdoing it" message, because I do tend to call people a lot if they don't pick up their phones. She said I wasn't overdoing it, and the stalker was another girl.

A day after telling me to call her when I get into town, she changed her phone number. Without telling me.

I wonder if I'm overthinking this because I like her a lot, or she is being genuinely weird.

I think a lot of it is my anxiety, which is pretty bad in general at the moment. I really don't understand how people get high off clonazepam, really...it doesn't do much for me at all.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, good news: You KNOW you can be clingy and anxious, which is better than doing it without knowing at all, and wondering why people keep leaving. This doesn't mean that you shouldn't be in a relationship. As you know, it makes it harder, but you shouldn't be forced to not seek companionship just because you have problems. She does sound SORT of weird, I mean like deleting you and not adding you back, changing her number and not telling you...it may be totally unrelated to you and she may just be forgetful and possibly thoughtless.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

first off... forget about that girl and move on. if she wants to see you she'll call you... and she WILL if she really likes you. otherwise it's just not worth it.

second.... i don't think you're "not made to be in a relationship". if the anxiety is causing you to do things like be super clingy then you know that's something you have to work on. it's not something that you're just always going to do forever and ever. you need to find the real reason you get so clingy and eventually learn how to tone it down. it's not an impossible mission ; )

Link to comment
Share on other sites

let this neurotic fish swim away, man . she has all this self made emo drama going on an reveling in it. plenty whack ho's out there so zoom in a girl of a type that you have no familiarity with. that was a paraphrase from a sharp p/doc to me on the subject of dating.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Let me tell you something.

With the right kind of person, dating is kind of easy. It's not that you never have miscommunication at times. But they like you. And they're comfortable with you knowing they like you, and with knowing you like them. It's not a guessing game, no one is left dangling. Your anxiety might not go away right away, but you have the basic reassurance you need to combat it, with the right person, who lets you in.

Let that girl go. She isn't for you. The next girl will be better. Be careful with who you give your heart to, it's a precious thing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That stuff DOES sound suspicous to me, really, to be honest. If a guy I were seeing were pulling that crap, I'd probably break it off. But keep in mind, you're getting advice from other people with anxiety and relationship issues of their own. Karuna said a lot about it that made sense.

HOWEVER. MAYBE this girl is telling the truth, and if you really like her, keep at it I suppose, though I think those things you mentioned are enough to cause ANYONE anxiety. The constant phone calls could settle a bit.

If she changed her number and DOESN'T contact you in any other form or give you a new number, give up your pursuit of her, apparently she's just too chickenshit to tell you to your face she is no longer intested. If she does call you, I don't know, I think everyone deserves a second chance.

She does sound sketchy though.

Just my two cents, and keep in mind, I'm crazy with anxiety too. I had a lot of it revolving around my relationship. I fixed that somehow, though I can't say how. I wish I could help.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...

I recently just completely ruined my relationship of almost two years with my stupid anxiety and paranoia. He won't even talk to me,and I don't blame him. I give up on having a normal relationship.

Anyway, this girl does sound fishy though. Maybe she is not the right one for you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I see nothing redeeming about this girl. Seriously. Deleting your from facebook. Talking about "stalkers" while you were on the phone. Then changing her phone number? This one sounds uber strange.

If it makes you feel any better, I HATE it when people don't call me back. I'll call their house. If they don't pick up, I'll call their cell. If they don't answer, I'll leave a message. I'll repeat this process again in an hour. I mean, who *doesn't* have their cell phone on and near them at all times, hmmm? I don't do anything all day, and mine is next to me on my couch... come on!

If it makes you feel better, I was super anxious and clingy when I first started dating my soon-to-be hubby. It went on for about three years. Then I slowly got more comfortable. No more "Are you mad at me?" "Do you love me?" Sometimes those feelings just take time to subside.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It sounds as though this chica is dropping hints all over the place. Perhaps she's hoping you will cease and desist your efforts to contact her for a bit. Try it out, and see if she picks up the phone and gets a hold of you. If she does, YAY! If she doesn't, then you certainly haven't missed out on anything spectacular. You may think that you like this girl, but if she's not feeling the same way, and her perception is what you already acknowledge (that you are too clingy), where could this possibly go? Ride this out by taking a step back and see if she makes any moves in your direction. Look forward to new opportunities and the possibility of meeting new people who are interested in you and want to spend time with you. Good luck!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

hi,

i don't really have words of support but i can relate in a way regarding the anxiety. and frankly i congratulate you for getting to the point of being in, or almost being in, a relationship. anxiety or not you're getting involved and 'risking' yourself emotionally. i think that's really admirable.

good luck,

grouse.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hahaha, it all went to shit with her. Oh well. I self-flaggelated about it for a while, but then realized a lot of this is her shit, not mine. (Seriously, she was just...really manipulative.)

I'm swearing off pursuing people until I can figure out why I'm an asshole magnet, though.

Thanks to everyone who replied.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...