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Self-Injury escalating

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I'm getting kind of worried because my self-injury is really escalating....I'm ;) cutting deeper, more often, and more extensively than I used to, as well as hitting my arms or banging them on counters :) when I'm upset. I wonder if there's any medication that will help take the impulse away...or what kind of therapy would work. It's an issue because my mother is all hung up on how "high-functioning" I am because I'm in school pulling half-decent grades, plus I'm intelligent so my parents have always made it clear that being anything less than very "high-functioning" is not an option. My mother has just basically said that the only treatment she'll support (not financially, as I live in Canada and have supplemental insurance as well, but emotionally as my mother) is basically someone supervising my meds (a pdoc) plus one hour a week of counselling/CBT/DBT. So I'm kind of at a loss as how to help myself. Any suggestions?

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I don't recall much from your other postings, so not sure what you've been doing.

But from this post it sounds like your mom is a bit controlling.

I'm guessing there are a lot of emotional conflicts there. They don't have to SEEM "major".

I'm guessing you probably don't think you can move out, either.

I'd be inclined to say to definitely start therapy. (I'm personally not a CBT fan, but many seem to like it.) I would suggest that at the very beginning of therapy you bring up this issue - mother - (the cutting is obvious. You need to look at causes.) It may be that the family situation is a primary stress. In which case it might be that finding SOME way to move out (as a roommate in a house? with a part time job to pay for it?) might be the best solution.

A TOTAL guess on my part. It certainly doesn't address your escalation. Except that having "steps" to look forward to can sometimes give enough "hope" and "distraction" to damp down the urge to cut.

Maybe others will have a different and more helpful take.

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I hope you see this post as supportive and not anything other than that k?

When I was cutting at my worst points in life I wish I could have just screamed - that's what I was basically doing anyway. My cutting and blood screamed for me. Some times there were cuts that I had no idea what they were saying...and then other cuts were screaming specific things - like "fuck you" to people that were just so horrid

I had to learn and it was hard to do these things -

scream into a pillow (but how? I felt so numb and no energy)

draw all over my skin with a red marker

I wrote - you think I'm longwinded on here... I wrote for hours, by hand - as this was before computers

I got into therapy with a really good couple of therapists

I hated doing anything other than cutting but then my cutting was also taking on a life of its own and I found myself in restraints because I was taking staples out of magazines and hurting myself with them while I was IN the psych ward...

I spoke in monotone voice - I may have been psychotic I dunno...

Tdoc had me sitting with a huge big ass pile of newspapers and had me rip the whole pile into tiny shreds of paper - it discharged a lot of my energy but it wasn't the same as...you know.

Cutting was addictive for me and god forbid I got around other cutters (esp in psych wards) it would become this sick "contest" ... I would cut deeper and not tell anyone - my secret of knowing that my cuts were deeper was enough...

Cutting is such a private pain and a private hell.

I don't know what to tell you other than for me it was this huge behavioral change and when I stopped cutting I went straight into pills - I loved the numbies...

Have you tried anything other than cutting?

can you put the cutting off for one hour? 30 minutes and try some of the substitutes instead?

I know it doesn't help to hear some of this as I remember the people who were encouraging me who were ex-cutters and I would think to myself "I'm too sick to stop cutting, they have something I don't have and the infamous (seriously I used this a lot) "they just don't understand"

I hope it gets better ... get help if you can't do this alone

Meds did help but I had to work too...and it was worth it.

Hope this helps

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