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gloom and doom and sick ferrets.

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i've been on zoloft for a couple of months now and i've been doing great. depression? what depression? i feel great! i was super-motivated in summer school and came out with a 3.5. i was even doing good this first week of school. then came this weekend..

my boyfriend says he "feels confused" about our relationship. to me, it sounds like he's preparing for a break up but can't do it yet because i make him feel too guilty. when he stated "i don't know what's going to happen to us," i got hysterical because i've been working so hard on our relationship and being a good girlfriend and i'm STILL not good enough but i love him so much.

i also adopted a ferret. long story short, i didn't meet him before i adopted him (he's sort of a rescue) and now i see that he has major health issues. i love him to death, he's such a sweetheart, but i cannot afford vet bills right now. i don't even have a job. i don't know why i got him in the first place.. i'm just an idiot.

yeah, i just felt like venting. i haven't felt this low in forever. if i had any more sleeping pills left, i would take them all and then drink all the beer in the fridge just to sleep for a long time. fortunately, all i have is one beer and two sonatas.

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This is what sucks, just when we think we have it going well (and we do!) the situational shit hits the fan and mucks it all up but good.

Please don't let this take you down. You know the meds are helping, and your bf is a total ass for not communicating well and putting you into a state of anxiety and depression. Don't allow him to keep you there. Your world doesn't suck, HE does!

Give yourself credit for all the hard work you have been doing! Fight for yourself.

Ask for support from anyone who can help. Vent as needed.

All good thoughts and energy to you.


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relationship issues really can make you fall back down.  You may not "hear" what I have to say, I know how it is to be in flux with someone you love but:

a) you're not married.

B) you're not married with children!

c)  It's not about being "good enough" for someone else. Find someone who appreciates who you are, the whole package.

Ferrets are adorable.  We used to have one and he made me laugh SO much! They are very intelligent and fun creatures (when they're not ill, heh.) If there's any way to scrape up the cash for the vet I say do it. Any favours you can call in from friends/family?

If you simply can't, someone else will adopt the weasel.  Ask a local vet who specializes in small animals to help you find someone to adopt.

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well, digs the ferret is doing much better. he's just a little ball of energy, running around and chasing things until he gets tired and just falls down flat. it's kinda cute.

i am doing a little better, although i'm beginning to worry that i'm bipolar. i was even evaluated for it in a research study once, but i was depressed at the time and swore up and down that i had ALWAYS been depressed, no i had never been happy what are you taking about? looking at my past, however, i realize that since middle school i've been really depressed, and then "normal" -- except during my normal, i do really stupid shit like key the cars of complete strangers or do drugs or try to start a city-wide activist group and then run around downtown in the pouring rain handing out flyers, thinking that i'm going to change the world. gosh i feel crazy thinking about all this.

as soon as i get my insurance back (yay for student health insurance!) i'm going in for a psych evaluation with a new pdoc. my old tdoc was a little biased and always wrote off what i was thinking without even really talking to me about it. he told me to stop reading about psychology because i was just freaking myself out.. now i'm a psych major. i guess that saying about how psychologists just get into the business to figure themselves out is true.

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