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Depression worsening while getting sober


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I have been on Paxil for about 6 weeks - starting out at 15 mg and now on 20 mg.  This is my 2nd time trying it this year.  The first time I felt better (go figure) and so I told my doc I didn't need to be on it anymore.  But at this time I was also heavily self medicating with alcohol and Xanax.  Finally I was miserable, and realized that I needed help desperately to save me from my alcoholism.  I have been sober for 12 days and am incredibly miserable.  This is a bad depression, and I feel like my Paxil isn't helping me from it.  I can tell that the Paxil is keeping me from obsessive thoughts, and I probably would be drinking if I weren't on it, but I can't do anything right now but sit in bed, smoke cigarettes and watch T.V.  My sponsor says things will get better, but for right now I am in hell.  Is there any advice about anything I can do at all.  I am so miserable.  Please...

Thanks so much

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Personally I found AA untenable in the long-run, but I'd say: keep coming. There are some effects with alcohol that simply take time to heal from, and it's weird how many people relate the 2nd month as being similar, the 4th month is like this, the year anniversary you feel like that. I remember the first 30 days are a lot of just wrestling with emotions that suddenly have no outlet. So going to meetings is one outlet.

This is all very hypocritical as I do not abstain from alcohol at this point, nor do I go to AA. But I do know that at times when I was relying on alcohol to cope, it took a lot of human support as well as just weeks away from drinking to feel positive most of the time.

Completely separate from all of this -- lying around smoking and watching TV will make anyone feel like shit. Hell I've been lying around the apartment all day and I feel pretty shitty. Thank God I don't still smoke!

Hope you feel better. It will get easier. Just try to plug yourself into something else, ya know?

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Feeling more depressed probably isn't a suprise.  You said it yourself, you've been self medicating with alcohol and quit.  It is going to take your brain a while to get used to operating with out it. The alcohol helped supress  the emotions and thought that felt bad as well.

Attending AA would be a good way to talk to others who have been through the same thing. Good advice, observations and some commiseration.  You don't have to feel obligated for life to AA.

Whatever you do, find some things to get your mind off feeling bad. Go for a walk, swim, a long drive, a movie, friends, relatives.  Anything is better than sitting in your room.

Best,

A.M.

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I took the chicken exit last time and ended up detoxing in the hospital. Ativan can help with the anxiety, but I'm not sure about the depression.  You can win against the booze, just remember that your body is addicted to it and it is going to take some time . Don't give up *hug*

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You can win against the booze, just remember that your body is addicted to it...

Body AND mind.  And I agree that support from others will help.  Amongst other reasons, at least help until the Paxil kicks in (I *do* hope it works).

And certainly, I second Jemini--sitting around all day smoking will drag *anybody* down!  Always plays merry hell with me, that's fer sure.  I find that when I can get my ass up and active, get the blood flowing, and get away from the smokes for awhile, I *always* feel better.

Glad you've made it 12 days, so far, at any rate!

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hiya,

  i would say the first few months of sobriety are a rollercoaster for everyone.  its good that you are taking the paxil from a doctor because it improves your recovery chances.  i stopped going to NA/AA  a long time ago but for anyone new in sobriety they should definately attend the meetings.  whether or not you go to meetings its ALL about not drinking/using, so that is the most important thing.  dont let anyone convince you that you are "fucked up" or have a "spiritual/physical/mental disease" and "need to do step work", even though that usually wont hurt too much.

personally it took me like a month off opiates/benzos/alcohol/marijuana before i got hit hard with the depression, and i hear everyone talking about this "pink cloud" that occurs early in sobriety where u feel really good.  so just stick it out and then you'll get to float on your own pink cloud most likely.  but keep that paxil on board anyway!

but also, know that everyone has an opinion.  if you go to AA you'll get an AA-sided opinion, and this opinion of mine is more of a mental illness/non-AA opinion, and its up to you (and only you!) to decide what works best for you.

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