Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Recommended Posts

I'm sick of everything...raging and impotent in my anger. I want to break all of the dishes and shred my ugly flesh with the shards. I'm tired of waiting for the creeps at disability decision HQ to make up thier damned mind . I'm so lonely, my bf is swamped at work and has no time for my endless string of crisis points. God ! I wish I could just  kill myself, but I don't have any way to do it and not leave a shitty mess for my poor tired bf to deal with..I hate myself with such thick black loathing. I'm worthless trash, I can't take care of myself, I can't really do anything, I don't even have long distance to call the disability determination place. What the hell point is there making someone with mental problems wait 5-6 months just to likely dismiss them anyway????? what is the point in even waiting? jumping the hoops? I just want to die...I don't have the spirit to fight them for disability, I have no option but to either fight them or die...God help me, I don't know what to do

Link to comment
Share on other sites

"I don't know what to do"

Keep posting. Let it out.

Call your pdoc...or tdoc.

Maybe you could just put some old dishes in a pillow case and smash them with a hammer...and then throw it out...no sharp edges on flesh please.

You could also think about others who have posted when they were in your condition. I know you have helped people with your comments in the past. Maybe its just our turn to be a friendly "ear".

Link to comment
Share on other sites

"Checking out is an option, but I think that you should give yourself a chance to live.  Bad, even real bad is a transitory thing, but when your down in the deepest end of the pit of depression, you can't see that. Please try to live."

we are all here for you... even if it is just to listen and let you know that a lot of us have emotionally been where you are.  like above, you have been there for many people.... you deserve the same treatment...

be well

~Ophelia

Link to comment
Share on other sites

We'are here for you...I'll just echo everyone else by saying please get some help now.  Do everything you can to get help.  You are worth it, even if you don't see it now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

doesn't life fucking suck! And then you go outside for a walk and see all these normal people with perfect hair and no lipstick on their teeth and a googy eyed SO on their arm and it just makes you want to SCREAM.

So maybe the world isn't meant for people like us, maybe it would be a lot easier for everyone if we just *booinnggg* disappeared one day ... welll fuck that for a bag of peanuts. Let's not give everyone else the satisfaction of getting rid of us that really. Let's make some noise. I am hereby giving you permission to do whatever you goddamn want, to be bitchy, to be snide, to be difficult, to anyone, bank tellers, parents, friends, docs. Because right now, when you're in a place where it is literally life or death, you get to do whatever you need to do to get better. For me, it's watching dumb funny movies and chomping down on seroquel on a pile of cushions on my living room floor. Maybe for you, it's getting pissed and throwing eggs at a wall. drastic times call for drastic measures ...

pm me if you want to have a good rant. we can rant about anything you like. and then look up radical left wing websites and be really self-righteous.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

;)   :)

Panz,

I'm right there with you

I'm just teetering

I'm impulsive

any damn thing could do it

or not

Full of undirected rage

physical pain

emotional pain

part of me is living a "normal" life

the rest is a boiling excuse for death

I'm getting rid of my possessions

some represent the past

or a future that will never exist

between the pain dope

the head meds

I don't feel good

lets whine together tomorrow,Stasis

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks all. I'm just raw anger, bitterness and pain right now. I hate being dependant on anything and I'm a slave to my meds...I hate it...I'm on the razors edge and the abyss is too near right now.

I'll try to be here tomorrow as well, but if things get any rougher, I'm checking myself into the loony bin

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'll try to be here tomorrow as well, but if things get any rougher, I'm checking myself into the loony bin

...a good thought. Much better to check in than check out. Thinking of you, sharing that same feeling of anger, pain, and wanting out. Keep hanging on. It is transient and you will get yourself out of this.

Greeny

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'll try to be here tomorrow as well, but if things get any rougher, I'm checking myself into the loony bin

...a good thought. Much better to check in than check out. Thinking of you, sharing that same feeling of anger, pain, and wanting out. Keep hanging on. It is transient and you will get yourself out of this.

Greeny

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I'm in that place too.  If I had insurance, I"d check myself in to the loony bin.  Or a spa.  Or something.  Man, I wish I had someone to take care of ME.

But I don't, so I'll hang in there anyway. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm on the razors edge and the abyss is too near right now.

Panz -

As the official innkeeper of the Abyss, I must tell you that none of our guests actually belong down here, and we try to send them on their way to the surface as quickly as possible.  It sounds very much as if your meds aren't working for you; remember that your brain is sending you false messages, and you don't have to feel this way.  Call your pdoc as soon as you can and let him or her know what's going on.  And keep talking to us as much as you want.  We're listening.

Cerberus

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks all. I'm just raw anger, bitterness and pain right now. I hate being dependant on anything and I'm a slave to my meds...I hate it...I'm on the razors edge and the abyss is too near right now.

I'll try to be here tomorrow as well, but if things get any rougher, I'm checking myself into the loony bin

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Please know that we are here for you to talk to...  It's terrible when other people hold our life's direction in their hands.  Good thoughts coming to you that the SSA approves your disability so you can get on with getting better.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

PANZer general,  hang in there.  if you do go to the loony bin, 

you will be safe there.  I'll be with you in spirit.

Don't give up on disability-  hang in and MAKE THEM give it to you. use your anger to fuel your motivation to fight the system and get what you need. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Panzy, Panz, Panz. 

I hate being dependant on anything and I'm a slave to my meds...I hate it...I'm on the razors edge and the abyss is too near right now.

Depending on others sucks.  The only thing worse is not being able to depend on others.  At least you have us.  We can't help with your disability or your meds or the shit going on in your life, but we can listen and we can understand.  I know having that helps me.  More love from the Justin on the way through the ether.  See ya tomorrow.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Panz

we know how you feel.  To be honest when I saw the heading "I just want to die" my first thought was "join the back of the line and no pushing in".

But yes, we are here for you - we are all in the same leaky boat and we all get to have turns on pailing the water out and steering the ship.

Just take care, ok

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...