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yellowbutterflies

How long did it take you to accept your BP diagnosis?

  

72 members have voted

  1. 1. How long did it take for you to accept your BP diagnosis?

    • I knew before the doctors did.
      13
    • It made sense, I accepted it straight away.
      24
    • It took a number of months.
      8
    • It took 1-2 years.
      6
    • It took 2-3 years.
      4
    • It took 3-5 years.
      5
    • It took over five years.
      5
    • It took over ten years.
      4
    • I don't have BP... it's just a government conspiracy to repress intelligent people.
      3
  2. 2. If you are BP do you suffer from psychosis also?

    • yes
      33
    • no
      39


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Hi all,

Just wondering when it became clear there was something wrong and it wasn't all just in the doctors' heads. For me because I suffered psychosis along with depression and mania it took a while to accept that there was something wrong with me. Just wondering why it can be so difficult to accept it sometimes. I realise the poll is not fully fair because you can accept it and yet still not fully accept it ever. It's a hard question, I guess.

Peace,

yellowbutterflies

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Guest Vapourware

I'm half and half with this...while I can accept the BP part of my DX, I find my "psychotic features" part hard to accept.

I knew for a while that there was something not quite right about my moods. I was already questioning my mood swings 9-10 years ago, but particularly my depressions because generally, they impacted more on me than my manias. Although, before I was diagnosed, I didn't see the manias as "manias" - I just saw them as "Vapourware in a good mood". Having paralysing depressions vs (what I know now as) euphoric manias meant that I focused more on my depressions because they weren't as enjoyable as my manias, but because I was only seeking help when I was depressed, I spent a long time being misdiagnosed as a MDD.

I did briefly raise my concerns about mood swings once, but it was quickly dismissed at the time.

When I was finally diagnosed as BP last year, my first reaction was - "You meant my mood swings were significant after all?" It also meant I was able to reappraise my life in terms of how these mood cycles have affected me, and I had to do some backtracking through journals to identify moments of mania.

I would say that I still don't have a good insight into whether I'm in an elevated mood cycle or not. Luckily I have a tdoc ;)

What I'm still finding hard to come to terms with is the "psychotic features" element of my BP. It's basically with odds with how I view myself (as a rational being). When I look back at my delusional periods, I view them with an intellectual detachment and I still find it hard to fully recognise the impact those periods have had on my life. It's almost like I'm viewing them as happening to another person, rather than something that has happened to me.

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I, too, knew something wasn't right. And, like Vapourware, I was dx'd as MDD for the longest, because the hypo/mania wasn't enough to land me in the hospital, and I sure as hell wasn't going to complain about increased energy, socialization and wild creativity. It's not until this last crash that I had to seek help, and I knew going in it was going to be different, the preceding mania was far too dangerous, as in, I damn near killed myself. I remember sitting in my car for the longest time, struggling with wrapping my mind around it, I accepted the dx pretty much immediately, but it was the meds that I had trouble with.

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YELLO,your pole is very intresting,i voted 2-3 years and yes below,but loved the last choice the most

no,i never thought i was BP,when my GP first dx me with dipresion and anxiety,i was madly offended,and thats due to my ignorence,i always thoughT depresion is something that ONLY effects women during thiere monthly periods,and anxiety is to effect ONLY cowards...as i was not of these earlier two,i almost hit my GP,and refused to take his meds

my whole life changed some months later,where for the first time i entered a shallow part of the bottomless mud pond..so i took his meds.,,months later had to see a pdoc.,months later i started to see more pdocs as the pmeds couldnt work any more and i was only getting worse,i dont think there is worse than where i reached,taking my 3 kids to a mountain near by to make them witness my departure(suiside),but i was wrong,a time came later where i experienced 1000 fold worse

i was told that i was born defferent,and everyone noticed my extra agresion and sex maniacness,but also my extra energy,very extra happyness,and my obsessivness about living on the edge,and always involving in dangerouse mad things,i always thought i was somehow superior to others who didnt have gutts,i always had a talent to sell ANYTHING to anybody,and to draw a smile on the face of any body i want,but also i had an urge to have a loooooooooong enemy list

seeing,hearing,feeling invisible stuff NEVER bothered me,even untill this day,and i have my personal strong opinion that its REAL

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This is a tough one for me. I was told when I was a teen that I was bipolar but my mom said the docs were full of crap and pulled me out of the hospital and refused to get me any help. So for years I just thought I was a spoiled, selfish, horrible child and that mental illness was an excuse lazy people came up with. After all this is what I was told. It wasn't until my late 20's that I started to accept that I was in fact ill and that I needed help but even after my suicide attempt after the birth of my 4th child I just though maybe I was just depressed and that was all. It's really only been in the past 5 years that I have accepted that I am in fact bipolar and that it's not just exhaustion or hormones from having kids or being in a bad marriage. I think what's helped me the most has been that I've been able to ignore my mother who still refuses to accept my diagnosis. Once I was able to discount her hurtful words it was easier to accept.

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This is a tough one for me. I was told when I was a teen that I was bipolar but my mom said the docs were full of crap and pulled me out of the hospital and refused to get me any help. So for years I just thought I was a spoiled, selfish, horrible child and that mental illness was an excuse lazy people came up with. After all this is what I was told. It wasn't until my late 20's that I started to accept that I was in fact ill and that I needed help but even after my suicide attempt after the birth of my 4th child I just though maybe I was just depressed and that was all. It's really only been in the past 5 years that I have accepted that I am in fact bipolar and that it's not just exhaustion or hormones from having kids or being in a bad marriage. I think what's helped me the most has been that I've been able to ignore my mother who still refuses to accept my diagnosis. Once I was able to discount her hurtful words it was easier to accept.

exactly how my lovely sane wife did

untill she ordered some VERY informative books on BP,she said"sweeeety,reading through these books is just like looking at you" "how didnt i ever notice that im married to a CRAZY maniac??" hahahaha

now when someone new asks her about her family she goes"YES,i have 3 perfect kids and a maniac monkey" WaaaaaaaHahahahahah

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I had Tourette's from @5th grade on so I had plenty of comorbids. But when I turned thirty I guess the gene kicked in (whole family history on both parents' sides had this pattern). It wasn't a surprise to me. I knew something was off and after the second terminal attempt, the docs nailed it. Course that was before they had real meds available and then all the hoohah hell began. But the BPII designation made the most sense and explained where I was and what was happening and suggested a path to deal with it. My wife was both relieved and horrified. I was just glad to finally know WTF was going on.

Edited by JackBQuick

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I was upset for a day. Then I was over it.

It made sense. I kept having weird reactions to meds. Once an AD made me hypomanic, it was like "Oh, I've been like this before! How could I forget?"

I don't have any issues with losing contact with reality, though. I imagine that makes a difference.

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At the risk of repeating myself... i read about manic depression in a lot of books as a teen when reading about split personalities (very popular subject back then) and how they were misdiagnosed as manic depressive. I said, "hey, that's me!" I didn't see a doc for it until age 19 though. They said, "yep, you're manic depressive" and there it was. Classic symptoms, rapid cycling, psychosis, and yeah, that was fun. So, I knew before they did, and they pretty much confirmed it.

edited for grammar

Edited by withing

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I voted a couple of months and yes to the psychosis. When I was first dx'd I doubted it because I was still somewhat manic and thought I was fine. After the first big crash and suicide attempt I knew something was wrong. They first dx'd me a bipolar 2 but eventually got it right with bipolar 1 with psychosis. Looking back on what I was told I did when I was manic I have no doubts about the dx now having read up on bipolar and seeing I fit the criteria. Now I am over the initial shock of being told I was not "normal" and just accept it as someone would with diabetes or something similiar. I just gotta take some pills no big deal.

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I sought out a psychiatrist for depression, and was initially diagnosed with MDD. Then I too had the Prozac hypo-mania, and the epiphany. I wasn't that surprised. There are other bipolar people in my family. I accepted the diagnosis right away. But I didn't accept the limitations it would put on my life for several years.

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Like everyone else, I languished for years as an unsuccessfully treated MDD. It wasn't until I had a serious psychiatric meltdown that I sought the services of a pdoc and was given a thorough clinical review of my symptoms and diagnosed as bipolar. Unlike basically everyone on earth, I actually knew very little of what bipolar was, and had to go do quite a bit of research on the net to learn what it entailed. Once I did, it really made sense to me. I realized I had suffered from BP since my late teens.

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I feared that I had bipolar disorder for years before I was diagnosed with it, so I guess I could say I knew before the dr did. Sort of.

My father is bipolar, and I knew there was a chance that my GAD wasn't just that, and that my rages weren't just really bad PMS. I know I told dh, after we'd been dating awhile, that my dad was BPI and that I feared I may one day be diagnosed with it as well, and that was....13 years ago.

My story is that I just thought I had really bad PMS/mood swings which caused rage and then some down time. Kinda sucks to be a female who rapid cycles, because for quite awhile, things lined up to support that belief. Then they didn't anymore, and I finally got myself into see a pdoc last November. I knew I wasn't going to make it through the holidays the way I was. After a, brief, 90 minute interview (I had filled out the paper tests before hand) she said "sounds like a clear case of Bipolar" and all I could reply was "damn" - because if I had let myself, I kinda "knew" for years.

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I was diagnosed as being somewhere on the Bipolar spectrum this week. At first I was shocked and afraid of the brand-spanking-new diagnosis and the giant pills of Dekapote, but, as the days go by, the shock and the fear has started wearing off. To be completely honest, I wasn't 100% fine with my previous diagnoses, which included schizophrenia at some points and depression with occasional psychosis at other points.

People in chat have told me, however, that a new diagnosis and new medications mean new treatment opportunities that were unexplored before that might yield better results than the years of other things that have been tried. Hopefully their optimism will prove contagious.

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I still go back and forth on accepting it. The reason is because I'm BPII and have only had hypomania a few of times. I've had A LOT of deep deep depressions, though. And the hypomania I do get is dysphoric. Only once or twice can I remember ever feeling good during them. So mostly my experience with BP has been all bad. . a lot of agitation, anxiety, intrusive thoughts and suicide ideation. There's no enjoyable time for me when I'm not stable.

The reason I have such a hard time accepting it is because I keep thinking that I just have depression. That's what it's been called all my life. And depression is less taboo, more socially accepted. But BP, people think you're crazy. Sometimes I still think that I just have depression, but I've seen 2 pdocs and 2 psychologists and they ALL say BPII. So I guess that's what it is. I'm finally coming to terms with the fact that regular depressed people don't have it quite like me.

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I was diagnosed in middle age (46) so I kept blaming it on everything else.

Too much caffeine

Daily stress

Everything.

It took me 2 1/2 years to finally say that given the diagnosis, everything in my life made sense.

That being said, I still find times when I blame it on other things...mostly coffee when manic. Even though I rarely drink coffee anymore.

I just don't want to admit it to myself so I guess you could say 2 1/2 years but still trying hard not to believe it.

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I got my BP II dx about a year ago and it makes sense, and I love my mood stabilizer. I was previously dx'ed with MDD recurrent, and had my first episode of depression in my twenties. I've never been psychotic, or hypomanic, but have had some wicked multi-year life-destroying depressions.

If I think about it too much it still pisses me off that I have an illness that will require meds for the rest of my life, makes me have get to sleep at a reasonable hour every night, and all the other self-care bullshit that is so much more critical than for the everyone else.

But on the other hand there are lots of worse diseases and injuries to have so I try not to dwell on the down side of things.

When I was first dx'ed with MDD and dysthymia 10 years ago and started ADs, I was relieved because I started to feel so much better, and I knew something had been wrong/different for many years before that.

It still sucks, though.

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Whilst I knew before the doctors did, I'm having trouble actually accepting it. :/

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I had a REALLY CRAZY manic episode when I was about 24. So things were so seriously FUCKED UP that I had no difficult accepting the diagnosis whatsoever. While I don't really recommend psychotic mania as a way to find out you are BP, having that for a long time and then spending like weeks in the hospital and then PHP certainly helped me accept the "reality" of my dx. In some ways I'm grateful it was so extreme, because it really wasn't fun and really fucked my life up for a long time.... since that time I have NEVER been tempted to go off meds, because I know what would happen. So it makes med compliance a LOT easier.

Anna

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I had only bounced around periods of mild hypomania and depression before my first manic episode. Only reason I went to the doc was for the sleep deprivation, she asked me a few questions (when she could get a word in) and after 10 minutes said that she was pretty sure I was BP1, gave me some seroquel so I could get some sleep and referred me to a pdoc for longer term rx and monitoring. It took at least 6 weeks after that to be stable again, that was the confusing part, not understanding how long it takes for drugs to kick in, what is a bipolar mood swing, what can I handle stress wise etc

I was very surprised but accepted it quickly, just didn't tell anyone for a while. I'm pretty conservative by nature, can tolerate any drugs they put me on and have military precision with timing of meds and sleep so if I don't tell anyone they would never in a million years guess my diagnosis.

Getting the dx was actually kind of the kick start I needed to break through a few barriers that were holding me back (getting my own place, dating again, not being afraid of socializing)

Edited by Wonderlats

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