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Is this Mania ... That I'm feeling

Guest PinkToo2grrl

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Guest PinkToo2grrl

OK ... in 1988 i got a BP dx, and when lithium didn't help, we ditched the dx and moved on.  So far no AD has really done the trick.

In the early 90s or so, when Prozac was new, got started on that, and instantly felt *worse* pdoc said that was impossible, so I fired her.  Looking back, I think maybe it was AD induced mania ... dysphoric mania.    I've never really stopped to think about mania being other than classic euphoric i rule the world, lets buy everything and fly to Portugal mania.  So, I never stopped to think that what I was experiencing was mania.

I have been on cymbalta for about 3 weeks now, first week at 30mg.  This last week has been hell.  I have been having *explosive episodes* left and right.  I have been having these things since I was in 4th grade or so.  Screaming at the top of my lungs fuck you, impulsivity, throwing, smashing, putting my hand through windows, yanking shower heads out of walls, clinging to the side mirrors of a moving truck in bare feet, throwing my girlfriend into the bushes, hurling pots full of food through the house, wreaking havoc with damn near every relationship I've ever had. and then i get depressed and remorseful, and embarrassed.

I am back to square one here, like i was when i was unmedicated.  It is scaring the shit out of me. 

Called my doc friday, and she threw me on 500mg depakote, but left me on cymbalta.

she's away for the weekend now, and I am still freaking out, keep having these fits.  and if my DW wasnt so good, I would have just packed up and left about 40 minutes ago.  Yeah angry impulsivity.  How I have left all my jobs and relationships.  <sigh>

so.  I dont know.  Is this dysphoric mania?  mixed states, rapid cycling?  wtf?  and is the cymbalta triggering it?

is the cymbalta not working

not working yet

or working against?

any input appreciated, I am lost and confused. 

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If you have a bad breakthrough episode have a buddy drive you to the ER and get a couple doses of zyprexa or something to get you through the weekend.  And call the pdoc again Tuesday--you may need help to tide you over until the depakote kicks in.  And do ask her whether reducing the cymbalta might help.  I'm ignorant on the drug, but if it triggered the mania you may need to reduce it until the depakote does really start working. 

Wellbutrin was the AD that completely flipped me out and got me a new pdoc who ramped me up quickly to 1500 depakote within a few weeks.  He didn't take me off the WB, probably because the depakote started working for me within a few days, and I did need it to counteract the depakote.

So anyhow, usually 500 is a pretty low dose of depakote, and it does take some time, so don't panic yet. 

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