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Thoughts of starting again


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I know how you feel.... I have felt the same way recently... it has taken everything in me not to cut myself... as you put it:

With all the crap going on in my life and stuff I am doing - not enough of me to go around.  I am mentally exhausted...

today is my 68th day without cutting myself... it has been and is constantly a struggle.  To be honest, I get scared that I will break as I have so many times before...

You have to take it a little bit at a time... hour by hour, minute by minute, even second  by second sometimes. 

I'm sorry that everything is so overwhelming for you at the moment.  take care of yourself and I am here if you need anything...

xo

~Ophelia

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At the moment I have pained over the thoughts of starting or not starting again I have a terrible tummy ache and feeling the need to throw up - now that is painful.

I am still looking lustfully at my arms.....I will let you know

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hmmm. i'm getting worried now. must be something about the name helen ... my real life nickname at the moment is Dr Hell...

honey, there isn't anything i could say to magically fix things. but i will tell you that cutting will help for a few days and then things will get worse again. worse than before. i take a harm minimisation approach. i let myself cut if i think it might stop me from trying to off myself. it's no excuse for it, but it explains it.

we cut because we can't otherwise express ourselves, (alexithymia). we cut because we can't tolerate our affective states. we cut because we are neurotransmitter depleted and crave any stimulus that normalises our chemistry for even a short time. we cut to distract ourselves or to punish ourselves for the rotten things in our head.

i wish you could have a bit of peace, though. maybe a day with the phone off watching bad videos? and a six pack of coopers in the fridge? no deeds to do no promises to keep?

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I agree totally about having a day off to calm me down.  I love my pjs and would live in them if I could.

I have some time off from 14 to 19 Sept - so next week.  I just have to hold on till then.

My picking at the scabs on my arms is getting quite uncontrollable.  I know it is disgusting and horrible but cant help myself.

Oh crap

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  • 3 weeks later...

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