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Happier Yet? Yes, but where do I go now?


Guest BOYD

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I just have to kick back into the SSRI page. Yesterday was MY day for the alignment of the stars. I've got to admit it's getting better. I know I'm not out of the woods but I made it to 3rd base and and now I want to get to home plate(normal). Now that I'm kinda thinking clearer I have a whole new set of concerns. Where do I go from here? I have to come to grips with mild depression. It's like I'm aware of it's proximity now, where as before I wasn't "smart" enough to recognize it's presence. (Wow that's a real thought).No suicidal thoughts or anything drastic but think it is still out there to a smaller degree. First off does depression just "fade"away because I can feel something good kicking in. I ruled out that hypomania thought thanks to CrazyNot Stupid's criteria list and found out that there really is LedZep affective disorder thanks to anotherBP as C@SCRATCH and I rolled another one.(Sorry, you had to be there). What's next, do people ever get to Home Plate. I was thinking of upping the Lex from 5 to 10 to kick in more AD but I'm not sure that's a good idea. 5mg is the bare minimun.Can't hurt? Can depression be cured or is it a life long battle.I already know the meds are there for good but how about that depressed feeling.(please leave in the SSRI forum so I can keep it relative to what I'm going through with the lexapro)

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The "cure" possibilities depends a lot on the nature of your depression.

Each episode you have makes it more likely that you'll have another one, until around 3 or so episodes when you reach near certainty you'll have another. The longer you stay on meds after the end of the depression, the less likely you are to have another. The same for more effectively treated episodes.

So, you can probably realistically expect to have spaces of "normal" between actual depressive episodes. How long they are, and how severe the depressions are, will be partly a result of how well you're taking care of yourself (meds and such as needed). And by recognizing and seeking treatment immediately, you can make those depressions less agonizing and long.

I have a severe treatment resistant depression pattern, but even so my pdoc believes I'll have spaces of "normal" between episodes (and he's certain there will be more episodes). I'll need to stick with meds, and I'll need to stay in contact with a pdoc, but that I can have long spaces of not-depressed.

As for changing the dose of your medication -- talk to your doctor about your concerns. A higher dose is not necessarily the solution. Are you doing any therapy? If not, that would probably be a good idea, therapy and meds together are the most effective treatment.

Fiona

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To use your analogy...I was at 3rd base for quite a while.  But for the last 2 months I've felt like I've made it home plate...that is, being "normal" (for me LOL!)  I've slowly been lowering my dose to see if I can get off them and still feel good and normal.  So far, at 5 mg, I'm doing OK.

I'm of the frame of mind where I want off these meds, I want to see if I can do this without them. (Backstory: this is my first cycle with any kind of med).  But we'll see if that's the case.  I'm in talk therapy once a week and that has really helped me a lot.  I know it's not for everyone. For me, it's shown me ways to deal with what triggers me and how to avert them before it becomes full blown.  It's helped me to identify certain ways of thinking that have aided in my downward spiral.  But that's just me and my experience.  The meds just helped to take the edge off long enough so that I could remember what it was like to feel good and, eventually, normal.  I'm hoping that I can emulate it on my own.  If not...well, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

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I remember a time around the beginning of the year where it was one giant pity party all the time.  I complained to my doc that my dose of Lex wasn't working and I wanted more to help regain some footing.  He obliged, but only slightly...upping my dose by a mere 5 mg.  A few weeks later I was complaining again.  Wanting more.  My doc said something that made me sit up and pay attention...it was like a slap in the face.  He told me:  The fact that the meds work is not in question but that there are times when we (the patient) can let them work better than other times.  He then agreed to up my dose but I went home that day and never did up the dosage.  Instead I brooded over that one statement. I was alternately mad at him for "blaming' me for not letting the Lex help me and happy that he opened my eyes and showed me what I could do for myself without leaning to heavily on the meds. 

Again, like I like to say:  that's me and my experience.

But, it came to mind while I read your response.  Being on meds is not a bad thing.  Being on them for the long haul is not a bad thing.  As long as they work for you it's not a bad thing.  You know yourself and you know what you need.  No need to quit the meds if they help make it better for you.  But, if things are good now I'm not so sure upping the dose will actually make them better.

Brings to mind something else I experienced:  Once the Lex was working and I was feeling "happy" I spent a while wondering what it was I was feeling.  It took me a some time to figure out that I was happy.  It had been that long since I had felt the emotion so purely.  Then after that happened I was like a junkie, jonesing for my happy fix. Life's not like that, though, unfortunately.  And, happy comes in so many forms..I had to learn to identify all those forms.  It took a while. 

About those triggers:  They are a bummer, aren't they?  Mine are small and slight, too.  Makes things hard to handle. Are you working with a therapist to help you figure them out and the best way to work through them (around them)? 

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Wow - my first post.  Hello everyone.  I'll fastforward and get right to it, I know all about the 3rd base blues. 

As Supergwen said, battling depression is a life-long fight.  I've been at it for 10+ years and can't even count how many meds and med combos I've been on.  I guess on a longer time-scale things do get better.  When I do fall into an episode it is typically much less intense than what I used to get in my early 20s, and it only lasts for a week tops, maybe two. 

I've been on the same combo for over a year now, lowering the dose to help with side effects and things are going reasonably well... 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Been to third base.  Been home.  And now looks like I'm at bat again. ;)   Every time in my life I"ve thought that this whole thing was finally over, I get bitch-slapped again, so I'm going to assume I'm gonna be needing SOMETHING (meds / talk / something) like...forever. :)

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I'm just coming out of MDD episode number five, which wasn't nearly as bad as four since I know what to look for now.  The first three that I had in my late twenties/early thirties went untreated.

I've had nice normal spells when I'm in full remission, and am looking forward to my next one.  I'll be on some sort of drugs forever, and I'll be on this fairly heavy duty dose of things that I'm on now for at least another year or so.  If I recover and stay healthy for a year or more, then we'll see about reducing some of my current cocktail.

At this point I regard the dysthymia and binge eating almost as if they were just bad side effects.  They're a pain in the ass, but my number one priority is getting rid of MDD.  I'll fool with the others later on.

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I'm just coming out of MDD episode number five, which wasn't nearly as bad as four since I know what to look for now.  The first three that I had in my late twenties/early thirties went untreated.

I've had nice normal spells when I'm in full remission, and am looking forward to my next one.  I'll be on some sort of drugs forever, and I'll be on this fairly heavy duty dose of things that I'm on now for at least another year or so.  If I recover and stay healthy for a year or more, then we'll see about reducing some of my current cocktail.

At this point I regard the dysthymia and binge eating almost as if they were just bad side effects.  They're a pain in the ass, but my number one priority is getting rid of MDD.  I'll fool with the others later on.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Um....I love that that's your sig.  lol

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