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Takin' the plunge....


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Well kids, I finally stopped staring at the Stupomax bottle like it was an unexploded package from the Unabomber and took my first dose.

I feel more or less exactly like i'm on thorazine. I think I dropped 60 IQ points. 

Durrrrrr.  ;)

So I'm titrating from 25 to 200 over 6 weeks. If I feel like this on 25, what's 200 gonna be like?

Anyone else titrate slowly, and anyone just dive right in at 200?

Am I ever going to grow my brain back again?

I have, however, stopped twtiching and wanting to break stuff. Maybe it's just the fatugue.

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Soda tasted like ass in the beginning - which I personally believe was responsible for the weight loss - but unfortunately no longer does (3 years later).

25mg kicked my ass, 200 didn't.  300 doesn't.  The "dumb-ass-ness" levelled out at about 100mg.  I get more stupid when my stress level is up, less when it is down.  No matter what, I will never have a certain, base level of nouns again.  Whatever.  I don't have the contents of my head trying to exit via every orifice 24/7/12, either - it's a trade-off. 

Dive in at 200?  How many ways can we count the NO!!!!

<insert many technical reasons why and horrible repercussions from Kassi and Jerod here>

The slower you go, the less likely you are to get the nasty shakes, tingles, rash, etc., and be able to continue on the drug.  The rule of thumb I was given when I started was this:  stay on one dose until the tingles/major side effects subside, and then move up to the next dose.  The thought was that, if one waited until this point, it meant one's body had become accustomed "enough" to the drug to move on.  YMMV.

Good luck, kiddo.

6

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I was kind of hoping to skip 500. Or in fact, anything over 200. But I get it about it being a sweet spot med...I just don't have to LIKE it. So...its like, keep titrating up until I STOP feeling stupid? Since I don't have big honkin siezures daily or even weekly, how do I measure that its working?

BTW my epileptic friend that had back-to-back siezures a few weeks ago? They whacked her with 200 right off, and she's....useless. Except like, once or twice a day, when someone's misplaced something, she'll resurface long enough to yell "It's in the closet by the water heater, next to the mop" (she's always right-before the Topa she always knew where everything was all the time), and then it's back into lala land. I take the intermittent resufacing of her original personality as hope that it will all come back eventually.

Edited to add: My mocha DOES taste odd....Uh oh....

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Alien mom who has been looking over my shoulder while she works on the other machine on the Church Resouce Directory for New Members: "Like you can't stand to lose a few I.Q points. You have 60 to spare".

Uhm....thanks mom?

BTW, is the tingling you get from the Topa like, an actual neuropathy?

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Okay, just wondering, cos I'm just getting over a hellacious fibro flare-up, one where I had to go to the ER and scream and cause trouble until they gave me morphine. And I was hoping the Topa would make this better as opposed to worse.  One of the docs suggested Morontin and Torradol and I told him to....nevermind.

Also, I discovered that I am allergic to morphine! I've only had it once before, and that was fine. But this time I got a rash to beat hell. Wierd!

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You know my former SO? The gender confused one with rapid cycling bipolar disorder and ADHD and BPD out the wazoo? His idiot shrink wants to put HIM on Stupomax in addition to Deblifify, Wellbutrin, and Klonopin. I'm like, dude, um, no. Why do I get the feeling that shrinks are less interested in us being functionl than they are in getting us to shut the fuck up?

Feel very strange and disconnected tonight. Found out that said SO's older sister has been snooping in my LJ and using it as ammo against him....this was just before med time, and I had a screaming flip out conniption. Then the Topa kicked in and it was like I could have cared less if someone tried to murder me with a pair of manicure scissors.

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Am getting strange moments of complete disconnectedness.

Just...*BLINK*, in, out. Now back to regular programming.

Very disconcerting.

Incedentally former SO's parents are threatening to string me up by my tonails and light me on fire, etc.

*sigh*

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Am getting strange moments of complete disconnectedness.

Just...*BLINK*, in, out. Now back to regular programming.

Very disconcerting.

Incedentally former SO's parents are threatening to string me up by my tonails and light me on fire, etc.

*sigh*

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

They created him; you just wrote about him!

6

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::::snort::::

How incredibly true.

BTW have discovered a thing of beauty for Topa coffee junkies in the woods: self heating low carb (and normally I despise that word but suddenly sugar is ICK) espresso mocha in cans. Self heating. Yowza. It's called Wolfgang Puck and it's hideously expensive (12 bucks a 4 pack) but at a 4H camp where mere running water means a hike, its worth its weight in gold.

Am up to 75mg. Had to MAKE myself eat this weekend. Food is totally gross. This is really wierd. And I am starting to drink water instead of soda all the time, voluntarily. Bizarre.

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Right now, I don't want to trust anyone or anything. I want to crank "Precious Things" real loud and smash shit.

Seriously. I was like this close {    } to ripping the antenna off the tv and putting a skillet into the set because my dad is too fucking cheap to get cable, and my mom is too fucking lazy to cook for him.

I wonder if this is how Nathan used to feel when he trashed the house when he was like, 14. That was TLE but at the time I didn't give a shit because he used to beat the crap out of me too. Now I care. Am I going to get pink slipped before I can titrate properly?

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Now I care. Am I going to get pink slipped before I can titrate properly?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hey baby, sounds like yer a cycling.  Badly. 

Do you have an adjunct that will knock you flat and not induce a seizure?

If not, now might be a good time to put in a yelp for one. 

It beats the pink paper.

6

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Now I care. Am I going to get pink slipped before I can titrate properly?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hey baby, sounds like yer a cycling.  Badly. 

Do you have an adjunct that will knock you flat and not induce a seizure?

If not, now might be a good time to put in a yelp for one. 

It beats the pink paper.

6

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Funny you should mention that. Remember how we said that TLE and BP can get mixed up sometimes?

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Right now, I don't want to trust anyone or anything. I want to crank "Precious Things" real loud and smash shit.

Seriously. I was like this close {    } to ripping the antenna off the tv and putting a skillet into the set because my dad is too fucking cheap to get cable, and my mom is too fucking lazy to cook for him.

I wonder if this is how Nathan used to feel when he trashed the house when he was like, 14. That was TLE but at the time I didn't give a shit because he used to beat the crap out of me too. Now I care. Am I going to get pink slipped before I can titrate properly?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

From what I've read of your posts lately, your frustration/FTW levels SHOULD be enough to send

anyone with ADD, TLE, or BP (duh!), totally ballistic.

#6 is right - it's a good time for that "Doc, as long as it doesn't make me look like a reject from the

Willie Wonka Factory Tour, I need something to get me through the next couple of weeks." visit.

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I am NOT Bipolar.

And what I need is cyanide.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I don't have ANY cyanide. 

But I bake an awesome loaf of bread, have a guest room, and tons of art supplies.

As a bonus, I'm cycling twice a day (boy, is this house exciting!).

But where I live, there are no women with green hair and black cats surgically attached to their heads.

Want to come visit? (seriously).  The weather is currently beautiful, and we have some awesome museums.  Oh, and culture... we got plenty.

6

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