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She was 13.5, on thyroid meds, on meds so she wouldn't pee in her sleep, and on eye drops because her eyes quit making tears. All that, and then 2 days ago she just wouldn't get up. And she'd been eating less and less.

The vet says we made the right decision, and that helps a little bit. But there is a big part of me screaming that I just killed the dog that has been there for me for 13.5 years.

I know in my head it was the humane thing to do - really, she wasn't getting up to walk, my husband was carrying her outside so she could pee.

I just hate that she's gone and it's my fault.

Oh, and please, no rainbow bridge or other hokey sentiments. I'm a cynical atheist and that shit just gets an eye roll from me on a good day.

I really just want someone to tell me I made the best decision, and I'm not a horrible person for paying a vet to kill my dog.

-hey on the bright side I must not be over-medicated, been able to cry just fine yesterday and today, and I must not be under-medicated because I also don't feel a black hole opening up to swallow me whole. I'm just appropriately sad - yay meds.

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So sorry to hear you had to go through this Lilac...one of the hardest parts of animal stewardship is knowing we will most likely outlive them.

I've been there a few times, and it never gets better but I am sending warm thoughts to you. You have done the most humane thing.

When a dog stops being able to be a dog it is time to help them out.

I will keep my spiritual stuff out of it as per your request but it IS the kindest thing you can do for a loved one. Having sat at my grandmothers' bedside for 2 days waiting for her to pass on her own, I can say that if there was an option we would have taken it.

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She was 13.5, on thyroid meds, on meds so she wouldn't pee in her sleep, and on eye drops because her eyes quit making tears. All that, and then 2 days ago she just wouldn't get up. And she'd been eating less and less.

The vet says we made the right decision, and that helps a little bit. But there is a big part of me screaming that I just killed the dog that has been there for me for 13.5 years.

-hey on the bright side I must not be over-medicated, been able to cry just fine yesterday and today, and I must not be under-medicated because I also don't feel a black hole opening up to swallow me whole. I'm just appropriately sad - yay meds.

One year ago I had to make this same decision. It is excruciating to make the decision. You did the right thing. You did the loving thing. You took care of your sweet baby. Now stop torturing yourself.

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I'm sorry you had to make that decision, and for the loss of your dog. Ours was 12 when she died, and we were doing the same- having to carry her so she could relieve herself. It was really a very distressing thing to watch, and if I could go back in time, I might have decided to do what you did. I feel bad for letting her suffer.

You DID do the right thing.

I'm sorry for the pain you're going through right now, it's so hard to lose them. You didn't kill your dog, you relieved her.

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Yes, I've had to do it also. My vet asked me what quality of life does the animal have? And if the answer is lousy or none---well, you're keeping the poor thing alive to assuage some need that's inside you. My animals died painlessly, in my arms. I hope I get to go like that.

You did the right thing.

olga

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Not feeding her tonight was weird - I'm sure I'll miss not giving her her meds in the morning, too.

Thank you all so much. I am feeling better about the decision. The logical part of me never doubted it was the right thing to do, but the darn emotional side kept saying "what if" and other stuff.

Having to explain it to the kids was horribly hard at first, but now, hearing them process it all helps. It's amazing that it helps me feel better when my 4 year old reminds me that she couldn't walk, or when my 9 year old does the "dog years" calculations to remind me she was "over 90".

We have another dog, too, and while I sometimes complain that he's a big dummy, right now I'm happy he is. He doesn't really seem to notice that she's gone - he's just going on about his day and it helps.

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I had to say good bye to my old bullie girl just a year and a half ago ..it was so hard but she was so sick ...I remember it all and was completely grief stricken afterwards ..but no matter what I know we are like God to our pets ..we domesticated them and made them dependent upon us to do what is fair and right ..keeping a dog alive that is suffering is not right ...

I would want the peaceful ending my dog had ..she played with the other two ..we went to the beach and the next day said good bye ...

I think for dog people in general you should ALWAYS have a back up dog to help you grieve!!!! I adopted two right away when I knew my dog had cancer (well I intended to adopt only one but the other one came along with her)

it sounds selfish and maybe it is but I can not be with out a dog in my life and with so many out ther being put down just because they are not wanted ..

you did absolutely the right thing..take care and yes grieve you loved her how could you not

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Take solace in the fact that she had a great 13 years with you-- was probably protector and playmate to the kids and she knew she was loved up until the last minute-- there are so many dogs that don't have such great lives or are left to fend for themselves because their "owners" can't do the right thing for them and simply let them go-- instead they abandon them in the woods or on roadsides. Remember all the choices that made her life happy including the one that ended her pain and suffering. Sometimes pet ownership sucks!

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  • 3 weeks later...

From another atheist -

You absolutely made the right choice. I lost my first dog last year during surgery, and it was absolutely the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I still have questions like "could I have taken him to a different vet?" and a thousand other what-ifs. In the end though, the thing that brought me peace was knowing that I did everything I could to help him, and everything I did was out of love. In your case, you knew the outcome, but what you did, you did out of love and compassion.

Dogs want nothing more than to make their humans happy. So try to think of the 13 years of joy, of stupid looks, of drool-encrusted toys, and all the happy times that you had with your dog. It will take a while, I know, but in the end you will come to peace with the fact that you were lucky to have known her.

If anyone's interested, here's the story about my dog Guy, here's a piece my girlfriend wrote after we lost him (pictures are linked in the story, they're in caps): http://cacodaemonia.livejournal.com/tag/dogs#cacodaemonia111572

The only "afterlife" we get is the memories and feelings we leave in those around us. I have no doubt that she's left you a better person than she found you, and that is her legacy.

Edited by Nikkuman
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  • 2 weeks later...

I see that this was a month ago, but I'll still respon if that's ok. You absolutely in now way killed your dog. You let your friend finally rest as I'm sure you would wish somebody would do for you if that sort of thing were legal for humans, KWIM?

I did the same thing for my most beloved, special 14 year old pal last night and am still so incredibly raw. And in shock because this was more sudden and the need for a decision was very urgent. I did have a bit of the loonies, and in the end 3 vets were consulted. I know I did the right thing. That's just fact. But it doesn't take away pain.

And anyone who loses a dog loses a family member, so I think we just need to let ourselves feel what we need to feel.

Now that a month has passed for you, I hope you pain has lessend some. I'll check back here in September and let y'all know if mine has.

Now that I've spit out that coherent thought, it's time for some pillz ;)

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  • 1 month later...

So, I said I'd check back...

It does get batter for like 98% of the time. I have a new dog and all. Peolpe don't aks where Sam is, everyone knows. And the shock is over. But I miss that dog with everything I am. I had him all of my adult life and really as dumb as it sounds had to learn how to be birdie without Sam. I went everywhere with him, sought out dog friendly restaurants, bars, hotels, everything.

I still can't took my new dog to the vet and being in that building where Sam died nearly made me have a nervous breakdown.

I guess you just have to learn every day and be happy about the time you had with your pet. And I've got a way to go yet.

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I have done mostly what most men do,

And pushed it out of my mind;

But I can't forget, if I wanted to,

Four-Feet trotting behind.

Day after day, the whole day through --

Wherever my road inclined --

Four-feet said, "I am coming with you!"

And trotted along behind.

Now I must go by some other round, --

Which I shall never find --

Somewhere that does not carry the sound

Of Four-Feet trotting behind.

Rudyard Kipling

You did the right thing.

And its okay to mourn.

Edited by mudpuppy
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  • 2 months later...

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