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Who am I? Good question


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Hello,

I am new to this forum, just found it today. I'm an obsessive reader of all things mental health related, but have never joined a forum before. I like the idea of a non-warm-and-fuzzy place for information and conversation (cyber-hugs don't do a thing for me).

I'm a female in my late twenties. I've been in and out of treatment for over half of my life (very much in and out, I've seen at least ten or twelve different shrinks, with the longest by a large margin lasting about three years...I recently dumped him, too). My current diagnosis is borderline personality disorder with depression, PTSD and what I consider to be a fairly severe case of obsessive compulsive disorder. I also have ADD and tourettes, but the worst symptoms of that (twitching, etc.) have lessened with time.

My daily drug cocktail includes 80 mg Prozac, 100 mg Pristiq, 70 mg Vyvanse, 75 mcg Cytomel (although my recent blood test indicates I am taking too much and today I took myself down to 50 mcg), 1 mg Klonopin and 2 mg Risperidone. I take a small dose of Ativan as needed to prevent mild panic attacks.

I have a pretty high IQ that I've never been able to capitalize on because most of my brain power seems to be wrapped up in morbid or self-destructive obsessions. Basically, I'm a genius when it comes to putting myself down and not a whole lot else. I graduated from a good college with a chemistry degree that it looks like I will never use. Frankly, I'd like my tuition back along with five years of my life. I have a boring job that I hate. I have absolutely no social life. I've consistently driven off the few friends I've managed to make over the years despite my social anxiety with cruelty and neglect. I think I unintentionally choose to associate myself with scumbags because they are convenient targets when I want to turn my inner hate outwards. Good, caring people make me uncomfortable. At one time I had a lot of potential, but now I am what you would call a loser with no life and no prospects.

I think if I go any further I'll be one of those "go write a blog" people, so that's all for now.

Oh yeah, and I'm grieving for the suicide of my very close friend and lover, making no progress in that arena.

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hmmm... brenda walsh?? I used to watch B.H. 90210. ;) Probably seen them all.

I got a kick out of it, till the later years...

My daily drug cocktail includes 80 mg Prozac, 100 mg Pristiq, 70 mg Vyvanse, 75 mcg Cytomel (although my recent blood test indicates I am taking too much and today I took myself down to 50 mcg), 1 mg Klonopin and 2 mg Risperidone. I take a small dose of Ativan as needed to prevent mild panic attacks.

How is this mix working? 80mg prozac and 100mg pristiq?? I'll be interested to hear how this is going for you..That is a lot of serotonin. Don't minimize that chemistry degree. That is good stuff. Very impressive to see that.

welcome... ^^

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my depression seems to be pretty unresponsive to the meds...last summer i was recommended for ect but i didn't go through with it...for a couple reasons. first, it doesn't have a great success rate with comorbid OCD and second...well, it's a hell of a time committment

it's been a long time that i've been on the prozac and pristiq...i guess it's hard to say if it's working or not because i've just been on so many things. hard so say what my "normal" state is.

i'm taking yoga every day now, this is day 9 of my 30 day Bikram Yoga challenge. I'm really hoping that once I've been doing the yoga for a while I can ease off all this medication. I can't recommend it enough, especially for those of us with mental illness. it's only been 3 weeks of classes, but I already feel less depressed overall. it's given me something else to focus on, at the very least.

thanks for your responses...i really like this site

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