itsbrendawalsh Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 Hello, I am new to this forum, just found it today. I'm an obsessive reader of all things mental health related, but have never joined a forum before. I like the idea of a non-warm-and-fuzzy place for information and conversation (cyber-hugs don't do a thing for me). I'm a female in my late twenties. I've been in and out of treatment for over half of my life (very much in and out, I've seen at least ten or twelve different shrinks, with the longest by a large margin lasting about three years...I recently dumped him, too). My current diagnosis is borderline personality disorder with depression, PTSD and what I consider to be a fairly severe case of obsessive compulsive disorder. I also have ADD and tourettes, but the worst symptoms of that (twitching, etc.) have lessened with time. My daily drug cocktail includes 80 mg Prozac, 100 mg Pristiq, 70 mg Vyvanse, 75 mcg Cytomel (although my recent blood test indicates I am taking too much and today I took myself down to 50 mcg), 1 mg Klonopin and 2 mg Risperidone. I take a small dose of Ativan as needed to prevent mild panic attacks. I have a pretty high IQ that I've never been able to capitalize on because most of my brain power seems to be wrapped up in morbid or self-destructive obsessions. Basically, I'm a genius when it comes to putting myself down and not a whole lot else. I graduated from a good college with a chemistry degree that it looks like I will never use. Frankly, I'd like my tuition back along with five years of my life. I have a boring job that I hate. I have absolutely no social life. I've consistently driven off the few friends I've managed to make over the years despite my social anxiety with cruelty and neglect. I think I unintentionally choose to associate myself with scumbags because they are convenient targets when I want to turn my inner hate outwards. Good, caring people make me uncomfortable. At one time I had a lot of potential, but now I am what you would call a loser with no life and no prospects. I think if I go any further I'll be one of those "go write a blog" people, so that's all for now. Oh yeah, and I'm grieving for the suicide of my very close friend and lover, making no progress in that arena. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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