Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Recommended Posts

I have just had fast food for diner and i ate a fair bit, and thanks to my new habit i tried the throw it back up again. However nothing happened

I feel so dirty on the inside i cant cope.

I have to revert to my old nasty habit of taking laxatives.

I hate having this, i want to stop.

But i cant get any medical advice, i wouldn't talk openly about this. This is my little secret.

My entire life is falling down around me. I cant shake the depression, i cant ignore the voices, now i am f***ing around with my food.

Link to post
Share on other sites

What are your reasons for not being able to tell someone?

It might be for your best interest that you couldn't induce vomiting, but laxatives are no good either. Both do a lot of damage to your body. My ED has given me 3 gastric conditions that are irreversible. I will forever have to see a GI doc. Its really not worth it. 4 daily meds to combat the effects of the ED. And I'm not totally out of the circle yet!

I know its hard admitting this stuff to people... it took me years and years... but find someone you can trust and tell them before you get in too deep! The deeper you go the harder it will be to get out.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I have just had fast food for diner and i ate a fair bit, and thanks to my new habit i tried the throw it back up again. However nothing happened

I feel so dirty on the inside i cant cope.

I have to revert to my old nasty habit of taking laxatives.

I hate having this, i want to stop.

But i cant get any medical advice, i wouldn't talk openly about this. This is my little secret.

My entire life is falling down around me. I cant shake the depression, i cant ignore the voices, now i am f***ing around with my food.

The Navy decided I had an ED (ana) when my weight several years ago dropped to 103#. They never understood the hopeless situation as a child I faced that left regulating my food as my only empowerment.

But as the Navy did not recognize ana as a problem of men (and they still don't), they decided it was a Uniform Code of Military Justice violation (specifically: Malingering, intentional self-harm, punishable by courts-martial). They gave me the option of getting my weight to a level they would accept (140# - my height is 5'10") or they would pitch me out. Although I never weighed that much in my life, and didn't reach that either, I gained enough to satisfy the Navy and keep them off my back - but no more. The rest of my career was spent expending an inordinate amount of time trying to find the balance of the lowest weight that they would accept without comment. Tricky to do at sea when there is only one place to eat and no one really knows what goes into those "mystery meals" in the galley.

They eventually found another reason to pitch me out (schizoaffective disorder and epilepsy), but as my recent elbow surgery shows, it is too easy to fall into the spiral of ana again: meds were causing me to "repatriate" everything I was eating for some days, and it was too simple to simply fall back on not eating as a result (or excuse).

Now it's the Veterans Administration on my case: I lost 15# in twenty days, and they are "unhappy" with my weight at 115#. And it is so hard to avoid the kind of thinking "Well, they think I lost too much weight, I'll show them what weight loss is." Yet knowing this, I still avoided eating much of anything yesterday beyond a can of soup and some crackers. Unless I make a conscious effort to eat "properly," I simply don't.

Am I sabotaging the VA's health plan for me, or simply comfortable with what I know (ana), or simply sabotaging myself?

Laxatives are certainly not the way to go though; did that, earned the medal. While I did not harm myself physically with long usage of them in the Navy, they sure cost a lot of money.

James

Edited by Anymouse
Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...