Kseudonym Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 So, short version. I'm depressed, it's pretty bad, and it has been agreed that drugs will help (and drugs are all the help I'll be getting for the forseeable future... that's another rant...). So, I started Citalopram (Celexa/Lexapro) 20mg. I had a pretty bad reaction to that... I was shaking, I was anxious, and I was having all the symptoms that my friends the Bipolar bears said reminded them of the not-fun version of hypomania. I was on it for about two weeks before I ended up spending the night in hospital for a pretty wound-up suicidal state - shaking and intrusive thoughts all over the place. The trouble is, I can't really blame all that on the drugs - a guy sexually assaulted me a couple of days before I started Citalopram. And the night I went into hospital was the night after I spent five hours in a police station going over and over what happened with two unsympathetic male police officers who ended up dismissing me completely. (I won't get into this, but it was the usual reasons - what do you expect if you allow yourself to be alone in a room with a boy, that sort of thing). So, I don't think it was all the drugs, or all the other stuff, more of a combo. So I start Sertraline (Zoloft) 50mg, after my GP agrees with me that Citalopram was making me too anxious and shaky (I'd been on it over a month at this point). This is still pretty soon after the sexual assault thing, and I'm dealing with the stress of producing a theatre show on my own, something I've never done before (I'm 19). Sertraline sent me into a really good impression of a bipolar person on an up - talking fast, not sleeping, nervy, slightly paranoid; essentially like I'd done coke or something. I freaked out and clearly my GP did too, seeing as how I only spent a week on them. I spent two weeks on Diazepam (Valium) 2mg, while the SSRI-produced symptopms went away, and my depression came back (I didn't realise until this point how much the SSRIs had taken away the depression, while replacing it with something that wasn't much fun either). Now I'm on Mirtazepine (Remeron) 15mg, and, while now after the first week I think I can feel it starting to take some effect, I am wiped out. I'm tired literally all the time despite getting more than enough sleep, and I'm used to being someone with a decent amount of energy. I hate to complain about it because I think it actually is starting to improve my mood, but I'm not sure I can deal with how tired I am. For me, one of the worst things about depression is the inability to do anything because of the crushing lack of motivation, and now I still can't do anything because I'm too tired. I'm starting to think things like, at least on SSRIs I got things done. The specialist put me onto Mirtazepine because he thought the bipolar-alike symptoms might just be what happens to me with SSRIs, but according to by bipolar friends, the state they saw me in on Sertraline was actually pretty mild, and something that you could manage with practice. More of a Cyclothymia-alike, perhaps. On the other hand, as I said, I think Remeron is kind of helping. But, I guess the issue is really that if I can have a drug that makes me not depressed any more, I'd rather go for the one that gives me energy even if it means I have to go play with my punchbag in order to not chew through the walls some nights than one that makes me asleep for twelve hours and half-asleep the other twelve. I'm the kind of person who thinks of insomnia as a chance for more 'me time', so milage may vary. So, internet, what should I do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.