really?still? Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 I have no idea why I am here other than finding some support, a place to vent (and apparently I can swear like a drunken sailor and not offend anybody and that appeals to me) and hopefully give some support and insight along the way. I have been - struggling - hey, that's it, for well, ever and everything has just gotten worse with age. I have spent my entire adult life (and really even before) in therapy and have had so many diagnoses and tried more meds than the AMA should allow and really other than becoming on top of everything else, great at over-analyzing myself and others, not any better off than I was 25 years ago. Wow, that sounds like whining - oops there's that analyzing thing again. Like many people here, I am pretty well educated (I have a doctorate in physiology - no I don't want to save anyone, my emphasis was molecular reproductive medicine), did the "real world" thing for as long as I could before hitting the proverbial wall and have been unable to work for years now. It's not just work, I have a hard time with the simplest of things - going out is really tough, requires a lot of gritting of teeth and force and I basically I am pretty damn worn out. While diagnosed with depression at one time, I have always considered myself to suffer more from battle fatigue. I am constantly scared - at a baseline level - very anxious to a level of terror that I have yet to find the right descriptor for. So ultimately I fall into the pdocs and tdocs having the - "I have really no clue what is happening and so I will give you the diagnosis of the month" which has ended up with , BP, PTSD, panic disorder, GAD, agoraphobia, DIDNOS, eating disorders, sleeping disorders, blah blah blah - and of course every med under the sun to no avail. Of course this is all based on what I tell them - I think I have trust issues - to go along with my sarcasm. I don't consider myself crazy because I don't think I'd be writing here if I were, though I have been and suspect I will be again. Mostly, I just try to get through the days (and nights) and hang on to the small things that keep me going. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laume Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 Welcome to the forum Most people with mental issues are smarter than the average bear. Too much introspection is quite common for many emotionally interesting people. Enjoy and looking forward to reading your posts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olga Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 Welcome to the asylum. We're all crazy here, so make yourself comfortable. Please PM a mod if you have an issue, and let us know if we can help you. We put Xanax in the coffee---just an FYI. olga Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Emperor Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 Welcome to the fucking boards! (I like to swear like a drunken sailor too!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rowen Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 Hello, and welcome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Velvet Elvis Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 Hi, sorry about your less than welcoming introduction to the boards on the DID board. With your own background in the sciences I'm sure you'll appreciate that we strive for empirical accuracy and try to keep up with the latest research when it comes to MI and treatments. We have to walk a fine line between making sure we're being supportive and making sure our users are reviving accurate information when it comes to DID. Anyway, welcome aboard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mudpuppy Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 Mmm... battle fatigue. I can haz. Welcome to CB. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emettman Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 Welcome. I know something of what you speak having a more than 25-year history myself, and a better than average mind and education too. (Though this is said more for empathy and identification purposes than competitive ones: I don't do that.) I had to abandon a 30-year career three years ago, as stress levels/depression became intolerable. " I just try to get through the days (and nights) and hang on to the small things that keep me going." What are the little bright spots and interests that help you? I have my books, from science-fiction and humour to history and philosophy, and then there's my model railways. Chris. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vanderk Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 In all my years in this biz, my toughest clients have been the bright, well-educated ones. Maybe to many intellectual resources and defenses. I seriously hope you and your treating folks happen onto a cocktail that restores you to something close to your prior level of functioning. Welcome to the Fun House! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
really?still? Posted July 21, 2010 Author Share Posted July 21, 2010 Thanks everyone for the warm welcomes. So many to meet and correspond with - looking forward to getting to know you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
really?still? Posted July 21, 2010 Author Share Posted July 21, 2010 Hi Chris - thanks for the welcome. I can really relate to your signature quote - after a lifetime of trying to make sense out of my "crazy" family, and in the end making myself crazy, I finally realized I was trying to make sense out of non-sensical behaviour. No wonder I felt crazy. That really helped me start focusing on me and my healing vs them and their nonsense. Anyway, I also get the empathy for the education/work - I kind of regret putting that out there, made me feel like I was being boastful - really just trying to give some disclosure. But it sounds like you understand the awful condition of reaching the point of abandoning your life style. I don't really regret it, but often beat myself up for it, like I have failed. The powers of perfectionism. How do you deal with the almost constant question when you meet people of "what do you do?" I still really struggle with that one. I really want to say, 'I spend most of my days just trying to hang on to sanity' but somehow that never really feels appropriate. What kind of work did you do, if you don't mind me asking? Like you, I do like books (syfy and philo. some of my favs too!) but often find it difficult to concentrate on reading - but have my times where it is mostly what I do. My main distractions are my animals - I just got chickens of all things this year and they have been better than any therapy I have ever had. I know it sounds weird - but they are very entertaining and soothing and can definitely bring me down a few knotches when it comes to stress. Kind of like watching fish. Other interests - gardening, watch a fair number of movies - trying to talk myself off the ledge - you know normal stuff. That and I have started writing - actually had a few things published - of course never under my own name - heaven forbid someone actually know about me! Sorry - rambling on here, mostly just to say thanks for stopping by and it is nice to "meet" you! Welcome. I know something of what you speak having a more than 25-year history myself, and a better than average mind and education too. (Though this is said more for empathy and identification purposes than competitive ones: I don't do that.) I had to abandon a 30-year career three years ago, as stress levels/depression became intolerable. " I just try to get through the days (and nights) and hang on to the small things that keep me going." What are the little bright spots and interests that help you? I have my books, from science-fiction and humour to history and philosophy, and then there's my model railways. Chris. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
really?still? Posted July 21, 2010 Author Share Posted July 21, 2010 No problem with the DID board - it is a difficult dx (or not dx depending on your view point - I know I struggle with that one) seems to stir up lots of passions. Empirical accuracy is a good goal - but a moving one as I am sure you know - I guess we just keep trying to do the best we can and stay as informed as possible, and obviously that varies depending on the person. So far so good, being here and I appreciate the welcome. Hi, sorry about your less than welcoming introduction to the boards on the DID board. With your own background in the sciences I'm sure you'll appreciate that we strive for empirical accuracy and try to keep up with the latest research when it comes to MI and treatments. We have to walk a fine line between making sure we're being supportive and making sure our users are reviving accurate information when it comes to DID. Anyway, welcome aboard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emettman Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 Hi Chris - thanks for the welcome... How do you deal with the almost constant question when you meet people of "what do you do?" My most common reply to the "how are you?" question is "Bits of me are excellent". which can sometimes be followed with something like "I can't answer for the whole shebang...." people can then take that as humour or ask more as they choose. As to the other, I'm happy with "I'm off sick" which again leaves people free to drop it or ask more. I can also chip in, which answers your " What kind of work did you do..?" question, "I put in thirty years as an optometrist." Then I'd go onto my hobbies... Playing trains in the garden is usually enough of a distracting topic. I do like books (syfy and philo. some of my favs too!) but often find it difficult to concentrate on reading Yes, I know that one, and the days where "butterflying" to different activities a few minutes at a time is the only thing that half-works: iron one shirt, vacuum one carpet, read a few pages of a book, weed two-foot of flower-bed... I've over-done it badly in the last ten days but I coped and I'm now trying to rest and lose the fatigue (Had my garden open for visitors on Sunday.) Sorry - rambling on here, mostly just to say thanks for stopping by and it is nice to "meet" you! Likewise... Chris. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scatty Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 Hello and welcome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nuala Posted July 23, 2010 Share Posted July 23, 2010 hello....i'm new here as well...just joined yesterday. i was going thru the "who the hell are you?" posts and found yours. just wanted to say hi and welcome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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