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hi.  been lurking for about 45 minutes and probably will continue to do so.  i'm a 22/F and have had a problem with "schitzophrenia" and (more acurately, IMO) bipolar 1 since I was 14 years old.

been hospitalized 3 times for acute psychosis, twice for depression and the last time (3 years ago) for a really bad manic episode.

i was on respiridal for 5 years.  in that span i was also subject to a wide array of meds such as neurontin, prozac, zoloft, effexor, trilepital, topamax, lithium, depakote, klonapin, adavan, celexa and a bunch more i cant think of at the moment.

ive also been stabbed with needles more times than i really want to remember due to my obnoxious and violent behavior when im in that state.  haldol, benadryl, i couldnt really tell you what else they used. heh.

most recently after 3 years of being off meds (i had a son) becoming somewhat of a lush, my group therapist noticed depression and mania returning a little, so i had to go see the doc.  and she started me on 5mg of abilify for 2 weeks, to be raised to 10 mg the next two weeks.

so i was researching the med on this site and stumbled across this forum.  anyway i rarely speak of these issues with friends/family/whoever so i figured this might be a way to find intelligent people to relate to, as far as experiences with living life with a mental disorder, being on all these pills, and that sort of thing.

so hi. ;D

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45 minutes?!! oh my god! FREELOADER!!!

KIDDING! ahahaha

(that was my idea of a little joke. i don't think 45 minutes quite counts as 'lurking' per se). anyway, hi and welcome to the boards. i'm grouse. pleased to meet you. i can give you some advice right off the bat for being on all those pills. you'll want to drink lots of water so you won't rattle as much. oh, wait. hold on, you were looking for intelligent people. rats. i'm silly people. sorry.

i can try to help though. i know how hard it is to hide all your mental problems inside and not tell anyone about them. i have major depression and hid it from everyone for about 15 years until i developed a nice drinking habit and had to finally bail out of school. i'm on meds now and occasionally in therapy. both of which help. and i finally opened up to my family and friends about my mental problems and then my drinking problem (which i've stopped).

i'm so sorry to hear of your long hard battle with meds and hospitals. i've only been an outpatient hospitalwise so i've been lucky. but you haven't and it sounds like much of that must have been scary for you.

but you're right, this is a great place to open up about what is bothering you. there are people here who can relate to many aspects of you and the problems you're going through. i know that it can be so, so hard to open up at all to talk about these things. but talking is SUCH a good thing to do. especially for depressive illnesses that can make you feel completely alone and isolated in a room full of your own friends.

but you've stumbled upon a diverse group of people here. and if there's one thing we can do, it's relate to living life with a mental illness.


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I was CT off a 5 year benzo use 3 years ago and I still suffer so much and not able to function. My liver still hurts and all the tests come back normal but not able to do much of anything and still cannot leave the house or talk to anyone.

I have thought about taking something anything but the hair falling out and skin coming off after I was CT off was enough to make me not touch another poison to help this.

at 42 my life is over as I knew it. my hair is still coming out in hand fulls and the rashes all over and the itch is horrific to say the least.

Help me anyone.....I am so alone and not one friggen doc believes this can be this prolonged.

I hope I am posting this in the right place.


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