etkearne Posted August 8, 2010 Share Posted August 8, 2010 So, yes. Most of you know me as the ragingly insane person on the forums of late. I'll try my best to keep this post rational and non-delusional, but be warned. So, since I have shown many signs of schizophrenia in addition to my bipolar disorder (that are independent of mood), I am starting to fearfully realize that I might need to take an antipsychotic to keep myself from murdering people or committing suicide. I have taken them in the past and hated every second of it. See, the problem isn't the weight gain or sexual crappola. It is the very clear and noticeable decline in the ability to form abstract associations and think properly. My whole life, since I was a child, has centered around my above-average intelligence. That is all I have ever been praised for, and therefore that is all I identify myself with. Without my intelligence, I am nothing. Just another idiot in the world. So, what is the point of living. Anyways, to the point of the topic. I have taken Zyprexa, Risperidone, Abilify, and now Seroquel. They rank 1)Zyprexa 2)Seroquel 3)Risperidone in descending order of propensity to destroy one's cognition. I left out Abilify, because it never actually worked well as an antipsychotic for me. So, what other ones would allow me to keep producing fresh research, intelligent mathematical proofs, etc. , while keeping my blatant insanity under control? The thing that confuses me is that I always hear about people with severe mental illnesses completing med school, law school, grad school, etc. How do they do it? How does someone honestly take 15mg of Zyprexa every night and pump out a doctoral dissertation? Fill me in, please, because I lose sleep over it every single night. I want to be remembered for something when I die. I don't want to just have my memory fade away in seconds upon my death. I know this sounds very egotistical, but this is the culture that America promotes and I am simply sucked into it. Please help. For now, I will take Seroquel since that is what my doctor gave me, but I have to learn how to time it so I can perform in school. THANK YOU Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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