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well, i always hate writing about myself (doesn't everyone say that?), so i don't really know why I'm here, but here goes anyways. i've been around the crazyboards for a few months but i still don't know that many people and only post sporadically. my name's hannah and i live in so. NH. I'm 21 yrs old (yeeha!) and have been diagnosed as either Bipolar or just plain old depressed, I don't really know (My pdoc is a total tool.) Either way, I've definitely been ill (or i guess the PC word is interesting) all my life, i just wasn't diagnosed til about 2.5 years ago. since then i've gone thru about five different meds, none of which really helped at all. i've just recently had really good results on abilify, except for the nasty side effect of akisthesia (sp?), which makes me super-energized and whatnot. eh, its a small price to pay for relative happiness i guess.

anywho, like i said i'm 21 and live in NH, the armpit of the country. I graduated HS in '02 and went off to college, my parents pride and joy, or something like that. I was a great student in HS and just an all around good kid, never got into trouble, nothing. when i got to college, everything fell apart. I transferred after one semester to another school, started doing mad crazy partying, basically dropped out of school while still living there, and failed all my classes without telling my rents. in the mean time, i developed a nice little marijuana habit which is still with me today. after one year of relentless partying, my parents dragged me back home and shoved me in therapy, convinced i was on heroin or some such BS. so now i'm living at home, going to school ( my third university), in therapy and on a cocktail of ADs and whatnot. for the first time in a loooooooooong time, i feel ok, but i would love to get out of my house again, because i never wanted to move back in in the first place. i love my parents but we only get along about 50% of the time, so its a semi-stressful place to live. i don't have too many friends around here either, so i spend a lot of my time by myself or online. i have a ton of interests, mostly music and art-related (I'm a commuications arts major with a poli sci minor). i have a huge music collection and would love to debate music, movies, or anything with anybody. hmmm....maybe later i'll write more, but somehow i think i've said too much already  B)

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hi sk8rpnk,

oh hell, how did you spell that again? i've seen you around but haven't said hi. so hi.

my gut reaction to your situation with staying at your parents' place? keep doing it. you've got weird brain shit going on and it doesn't sound like you're stable at all with the meds you're on so it is REALLY in your best interests to have people who love you to help look out for you. NOT run your life. OBVIOUSLY. but just watch out for you because as you'll admit your brain has gone completely wiggo on you, so in essence you can't really trust IT to have your best interests at heart. and you've got a nice little weed habit already. there's lots worse where that came from.

so, enough finger waggling. sorry. just wanted to put my two cents where they weren't asked for.  ;)

music i can talk about cos i like punk. movies i can't talk about too much cos i haven't seen anything new for the last several years. wanna have fun? put me in the middle of a packed movie theatre. that's all. flick the lights out, give it about 8 seconds and then flick them back on again. it'll look like a twister touched down and tried to make it for one of the exits. (panic attack - a rare thing for me, but a poignant reminder that i should just wait for things to come out on dvd).

artswise, i render the spartan, rigidly two-dimensional humanoid form with the skill and naivitee of a six year old.

so hi,

grouse.

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HEY SWEETS...n welcome so with your name does that mean you skate??? or am i just a dork??? nevermind even if i'm right i'm still a dork. ;)

i like everything from the dead to megadeath ta black happy n back again!!! just nothing rap or country!!!

so you like to debate things huh? is there a god ? me i grew up believing but only because i was taught to do so! not so much now days...but my best friend n my dad continually try ta change my mind. so what's your take?

glad to meetcha

good thoughts goin your way (especially living with your parents!)

flutterfly xo

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anywho, like i said i'm 21 and live in NH, the armpit of the country.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Have you ever been to Missouri?  It is an armpit sans deoderant and cleansing for several weeks.

I graduated HS in '02 and went off to college, my parents pride and joy, or something like that. I was a great student in HS and just an all around good kid, never got into trouble, nothing. when i got to college, everything fell apart. I transferred after one semester to another school, started doing mad crazy partying, basically dropped out of school while still living there, and failed all my classes without telling my rents. in the mean time, i developed a nice little marijuana habit which is still with me today. after one year of relentless partying, my parents dragged me back home and shoved me in therapy, convinced i was on heroin or some such BS. so now i'm living at home, going to school ( my third university), in therapy and on a cocktail of ADs and whatnot. for the first time in a loooooooooong time, i feel ok, but i would love to get out of my house again, because i never wanted to move back in in the first place. i love my parents but we only get along about 50% of the time, so its a semi-stressful place to live. i don't have too many friends around here either, so i spend a lot of my time by myself or online. i have a ton of interests, mostly music and art-related (I'm a commuications arts major with a poli sci minor). i have a huge music collection and would love to debate music, movies, or anything with anybody. hmmm....maybe later i'll write more, but somehow i think i've said too much already  B)

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Amazing how many crazy people are artistic.  Have you seen CrazySoprano's threads on crazyness and art?  Can't remember right now if you posted to that or not.  Anyway, I can relate to your story.  I am 28 and I still live with my parents.  They are at least supportive and they try to understand. 

Music debate number 1:  Tool is the best rock band ever.  Yes, no and why?

Music debate number 2:  I love progressive trance and that does not make me a loser.

Music debate number 3:  Aphex Twin used to be great, but now he is just annoying.

Any more?

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well well well, here we have arrived at part II of our saga...but first, to tie up a few loose ends:

1) never been to missouri, but i'll take your word for it about the deodorant bit, synth  ;) i think this country is 99% the same, anyways. it gets old, real fast, you know?

2) hmmm...i'm gonna have to disagree on Tool being the best rock band ever, but not because i don't like them. i went through a huge tool phase in high school. right now, however, my favorite band is a really obscure Seattle punk/rock outfit called the Gits, circa the late 80s and early 90s. anyone heard of them? they're excellent. Tool is really good to listen to whilst stoned and driving long distances, though. haha, thats just me though.

3) i am in love with trance as well, and it does not make you (or me) any less of a person! i listen to it when i do homework and stuff. i know, i'm a geek.

4) never really listened to Aphex Twin, sorry.

sooooo....i guess i've coughed up the shortened version of my life thus far, but the nitty gritty details? even i don't want to listen to those. basically, my diagnosis is for either BP or depression. i'm on topamax, effexor, and abilify (the cocktail of the week - it'll probably change again tomorrow). the pills have helped to a degree, but i know i'm still screwed in the head. as much as i'd love to leave my 'rents house, i know this is probably not the best idea, for a number of reasons. my illness, plus my weird childhood (too much to write about there, mostly involves my parents and the total lack of emotional display in my house) has rendered me a complete social moron. i used to have plenty of friends/acquaintances, plenty of people to hang out with, but as i got sicker and more depressed, they somehow just disappeared. something i'm working on now in therapy is trying to make better connections, find better friends and more meaningful relationships, you know? i have a small group of friends now, but i'm not that tight with any of them. so, yeah, i'm pretty fucking painfully lonely most of the time. but hey, what ya gonna do, except keep on trucking and trying to find those people who i might actually feel some connection to...

i could write more, but i'll spare you all. plus, i need to go to bed.  :)

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