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Guest needabrain

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Guest needabrain

I pretty much stay at home and avoid human contact with anybody unless I absolutely have to like school, home and outpatient. Although I do try to 'force' myself out. I don't know if I have an social phobia, but my anxiety gets worse when I'm around people.

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Guest Vapourware

I'm something of a hermit as well. Actually, I have found it is a vicious cycle:

1. I have difficulty making meaningful contact.

2. I become anxious around people.

3. I withdraw.

4. My social skills decline.

5. I have more difficulty making meaningful contact.

6. Repeat and rinse.

No advice here, sadly. I wish I knew how to break the cycle as well.

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Guest needabrain

What I don't like about it is that I'm losing contact with perfectly good friends. I want to keep most of my circle of friends. I don't mind being a hermit, but I do mind the backlash from being a hermit.

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Guest Llamanator

Ditto. The only people that don't get pissed at or insecure over hermits being hermits...are other hermits-by-choice.

Dammit.

The backlash certainly does bite.

Social skills? Huh? What?

Mimi

*gwar*

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Guest Llamanator

Good question. I know that for me, I actively enjoy my time alone. However, on the other side, I get very, very, very nervous about being around large groups of people and having to interact with people I don't know, especially in situations I'm not familiar with.

I'm aware that there are rules to follow, but I don't know what they are, and no one will tell me. They get mad when I ask. Because I won't stop asking until they give me a definite "I don't know," "Do *x*," or "Don't do *x*."

I like being a hermit. I would like to be able to overcome the hermitness when I really need to without turning into a nervous wreck. I can't do that, and it bothers me.

People getting mad at me for not initiating contact because I don't think about actually making contact with people (you mean you actually need to see people more than once every month or two? or more? huh?), and having other various bad experiences with them due to my own ineptness takes the base personality trait to new extremes.

To where I have trouble going outside, dealing with people, and talking to them even when I *want* to.

Did any of that make sense? How about anyone else?

Mimi

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The question is, is hermit-ness actually an MI issue, or just a personality trait?

There's a fine line between introversion and agoraphobia...or maybe not.  I enjoy spending a generous  amount time in my own company as long as I'm interacting regularly with people.  However, over the past couple of years I've gradually become more and more reclusive, and now Crazyboards is as close as I get to socializing (and even posting here is mentally exhausting!; it dredges up an unbelievable amount of anxiety--I have to will myself to do it).  But I just can't get out and interact, the panic/anxiety attacks are overwhelming and I feel like a prisoner in my own home.  No longer just introverted, I'm a hermit...though "introverted" may be a misnomer since I've always been socially anxious (at least since the 4th grade).  The term "avoidant" has been bandied about by t & pdoc...which I have to agree with.

I doubt there's such a thing as a mentally well-adjusted hermit.

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Guest needabrain

I know my hermitness started back when I was in preschool. I wouldn't interact with the other kids unless forced to. I didn't develop friends untill second grade and only because the other person initated contact. I still only make friends if they initiate contact. Maybe I really have been socially inept for awhile.

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Guest Llamanator

Socially anxious and high-strung since two years of age or earlier. I have photographs. Heh.

I was too hyperactive, talkative, and LOUD to *not* have someone take notice of me and decide to be my friend. Erm, bossy, too.

My problem was that I didn't realize that there were different rules for different situations...now I'm positively paranoid about it. Heh.

I don't know *how* I know most of the people I know, actually. I certainly didn't look for them. There aren't too many that can put up with me for very long, though. Most people don't like it when you either don't know, can't recognize, or don't play by "normal" rules. Parents attributed the lack of people skills to only-childness alone. Never resolved itself.

I like to be alone, independent of how much physical (text is another dimension altogether) human contact I've had. I don't feel trapped, exactly. What I do feel is frustrated that I come home shaking and nearly panicking after being forced to go interact with people, or when there's interaction beyond what I *expected* to have.

Blarg.

Mimi

*edit: decided to put one of those pictures up. Little blonde girl at the end of the table. Not my birthday party. Laugh at the cake. Find that one in particular amusing, for some reason.

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I pretty much stay at home and avoid human contact with anybody unless I absolutely have to like school, home and outpatient. Although I do try to 'force' myself out. I don't know if I have an social phobia, but my anxiety gets worse when I'm around people.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Certaintly sounds like it could be social phobia to me.  It really just depends on why you are isolating yourself from other people.  If it is because you are too afraid to interact with people for whatever reason, then it is probably SP or maybe even agoraphobia.  I've had times where I've been pretty close to being a hermit myself.  I've found that since my depression is being treated I'm also becoming less afraid of other people.

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Guest Llamanator

I know my hermitness started back when I was in preschool. I wouldn't interact with the other kids unless forced to. I didn't develop friends untill second grade and only because the other person initated contact. I still only make friends if they initiate contact. Maybe I really have been socially inept for awhile.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

That would be related to the Tiara of Asparagus (Asperger Syndrome).

The social phobia part is more like...

Before contact:

1) OMFG I HAVE TO SEE PEOPLE

2) *ruminate, panic*

3) Eeeee...

4) Do I have do? I don't want to. I *really* don't want to...

During contact:

1) *panic*

2) *think about how many ways you COULD run away*

3) *freak out and spazz over being around people more*

After contact:

1) IAMNEVERLEAVINGMYROOMAGAIN

2) *panic*

3) *ruminate over every detail of contact*

4) No, no more people. Please, for my own sanity, no more people...

5) *hide*

Heh.

As hollywoodfreaks said, it all centers around fear. In my opinion, it's possible to prefer being alone without much desire to initiate contact and to be scared shitless of people simultaneously.

*edit: Alternate example...like this thread. Agonizing over whether or not to post, being convinced that I had to have seriously fucked up somewhere, pissed a bunch of people off, and made myself look like a total idiot but not knowing where, ruminating on it, and being afraid to come back and read it*

Mimi

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The crap i go thru being alone so much is when i am around people i feel over bearing and too horny to speak.Then instead of playing the snappy patter chit chat game(pleasant small talk) i get really nuttso and talk about things that are too wierd or make people uncomfortable.

Everyone seems so afraid of acting goofy and having fun except for the socially accepted social scene of being mean because they see it on t.v. ;)

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Guest needabrain

I don't remember how far back the OHMYFUCKINGGODPEOPLE goes but I know I was compleatly unaware untill this year. Maybe it started this year. But here is an example of what I know now as social phobia:

Ok so the first day of school was horrible. Near suppertime I ended up curled up in a little ball or rocking myself back and foreth and I was wanting all people to go away. The second day was a little better but I still felt like shit.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

It took awhile to sit in and a response to register. I think that's because there was too much input all at once, I was in shock.

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The social phobia part is more like...

Before contact:

1) OMFG I HAVE TO SEE PEOPLE

2) *ruminate, panic*

3) Eeeee...

4) Do I have do? I don't want to. I *really* don't want to...

During contact:

1) *panic*

2) *think about how many ways you COULD run away*

3) *freak out and spazz over being around people more*

After contact:

1) IAMNEVERLEAVINGMYROOMAGAIN

2) *panic*

3) *ruminate over every detail of contact*

4) No, no more people. Please, for my own sanity, no more people...

5) *hide*

Heh.

As hollywoodfreaks said, it all centers around fear. In my opinion, it's possible to prefer being alone without much desire to initiate contact and to be scared shitless of people simultaneously.

*edit: Alternate example...like this thread. Agonizing over whether or not to post, being convinced that I had to have seriously fucked up somewhere, pissed a bunch of people off, and made myself look like a total idiot but not knowing where, ruminating on it, and being afraid to come back and read it*

Mimi

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Mimi, you rock.  You nailed social phobia.  And I totally do the agonizing over posting stuff.  Like this one.  Rewritten like 4 times.

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OK now I dont like people either.  I find them to be idiots, complaining over having to do one thing extra outside their job etc...  hey deal with my problems babe then let me know what a strain it is.

BUT yes, I prefer to stay inside with my cat, tv and books.  At work I have an ipod, put it on and ignore all others around.  I like getting out though - but as long as it is me in a big field all by myself.

I get very pent up shopping too.  The mass of others - argh, get out of my way I want to do this ASAP.

Question - does anyone else talk to themselves?  weather alone or if out in public?

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I don't talk to myself. I bore myself too much.

I don't know to what extent my introversion is a personality trait and to what extent it is a pathology. I do know that on Ritalin, I don't have trouble speaking, and become a little more interested in social contact- I feel a little less depersonalized. Clonazepam stops panic attacks associated with social interactions necessary to my work, but no more.

I think it's partly extreme lack of self-confidence, and partly the way I am easily drained by any interaction.

Even posting here is difficult. Communicating through writing is just as draining as communicating through other media.

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Guest needabrain

Even posting here is difficult. Communicating through writing is just as draining as communicating through other media.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I know how you feel. I think that's one reason I don't post much when I do post.

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Guest Vapourware

Question - does anyone else talk to themselves?  weather alone or if out in public?

Inwardly? Everyone does to an extent.

Out loud? Only alone. Mainly because I tend to talk aloud about very personal matters and I don't want others to hear.

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Low self esteem is my problem.  I mean, I can't stand being around myself most of the time.  When I'm around other people, I feel like I'm inflicting myself on them, and feel bad for making them feel obligated to have to deal with me. 

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