Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Upgraded from depression to bp?


Recommended Posts

Well, long story short, I got diagnosed with mild depression last year, and added on anxiety later (anxiety seemed to come and go). Went from 50mg zoloft, to 100mg zoloft, to 150 just recently (1 month ago). Well, it got rid of my anxiety quiet well. This past two weeks, I managed go to  the queer lounge (I'm asexual) at uni (it's this room for people to hang out and talk about gender issues, and just to socialise and stuff) by myself. I'd never dream of doing something like that before, walking into a room full of strangers, with no friends to back me up. I enjoyed it too ;) So, that's a good thing.

But the bad thing is, I am not as worried as what other people think. I mean, yes, I do care, but not 'in the heat of the moment'. An example is that I carved a neuron into my leg. Yes, I cut a nerve cell shape on my leg. I did it because I thought it would be a good thing to do at the time. Like a tattoo type thing, only it's a scar. It didn't really hurt either... it sort of did, but like, I didn't care, I guess. I wasn't paying attention to it, just laughing along. After, I realised it looked like SI, and got quiet depressed later. I showed my mum, who talked with friends from her work (old folks home) about it. People were baffled, because it was self mutilation, but not for the standard reasons. It was funny, but it wasn't. This is when her friends started suggesting that I had a type of bipolar or something.

I've always had 'mood swings' I guess, but it's hard to tell what the hell is normal, and what isn't. I can definatly account for periods of depression, but mania? I try to ask my friends about it, and they reckon I'm not normal, but not abnormal either. That, yes, I am quiet hyperactive, but because it is part of my personality. But sometimes I have to get up at 2:00am and draw a picture or something. Or, clean my room. Or continue on my story, and clean my room, maybe do some homework. Sometimes, I want to do it all at once. I can stay up all night, and nobody would be able to tell at uni the next day. But sometimes I can sleep about 13 hours, and still be so tired the next day >.< Or, I don't feel like diong anything at all. Everything is boring. Bloody hell.

Anyway, I have not been diagnosed with bipolar. I am going to see a psychiatrist soon (instead of the GP). My dad has been diagnosed with bipolar though.

Now, I'm yapping too much here. The question here, I guess, is how do you know if you're this 'manic'? How do you know if you're manic, or just normally crazy?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Nervous Neuron, when you go to the pdoc, he/she will ask you a million questions which will hopefully show if you are bipolar or some other flavor of crazy.  Often the diagnosis of bipolar shows up after a person takes antidepressants which send them into hypomania/mania.

My best advice?  Try to get an appointment with a pdoc as soon as possible.  The longer bipolar (or for that matter depression) goes untreated the worse it gets.  You are young and have so much life ahead, please don't let untreated MI issues get in the way of that.

By the way, welcome to our community of crazies of all flavors.  Sulu

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey Nueron:

I'm not sure if you are bipolar or not (not enough info) like others have said it is up to a pdoc to decide.  What I can tell you is how I got the big "upgrade" from depression to bipolar 1. 

I had been depressed for many years until a year ago.  Then I started doing weird and distructive things.  I had little need for sleep.  I became promiscuous.  I was at times extremely angry and destructive and other hysterical and despondant.  I took a trip to California on my boyfriends credit card (without his permission).  I won't make a list of crazy-out-of-character things I did, but it surely was a big manic episode, not hypomania which perhaps you may be having.

I've been having a very difficult time accepting that I have a brain disorder and not merely depression.  It's weird, but somehow depression was a label that I had less of problem with. 

It seems like December 15 is a long time to wait for an appointment.  I'm not sure how badly you symptoms are interfering with your daily functioning, if they are or they get worse maybe you should call back and try to explain your situation and you might get squeezed in earlier.

Take Care

Lili

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, long story short, I got diagnosed with mild depression last year, and added on anxiety later (anxiety seemed to come and go).

thing is, I am not as worried as what other people think. I mean, yes, I do care, but not 'in the heat of the moment'. An example is that I carved a neuron into my leg.

I take this as a sign your antidepressant is working--makes you calm, stress-free. In this instance, perhaps you were too anxiety-free. Scarification is a respectable practice in some circles, but it should be done under hygenic conditions. And don't get depressed thinking it looks like and hence might have been SI. You know that at the time, you meant scarification, period. Moral of the story: anxiety has its purpose, a little does us good.

But sometimes I have to get up at 2:00am and draw a picture or something. Or, clean my room. Or continue on my story, and clean my room, maybe do some homework. Sometimes, I want to do it all at once. I can stay up all night, and nobody would be able to tell at uni the next day. But sometimes I can sleep about 13 hours, and still be so tired the next day >.< Or, I don't feel like diong anything at all. Everything is boring. Bloody hell.
To be honest, this doesn't sound too different from the lives of many active, restless college students--at least the ones I've known. They pulled more than a few all-nighters and still kept going the next day. Average bed-times probably ranged from 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi,

This happened to me today....that I got the official "upgrade" from depression to bipolar version 2. (i like writing it that way because it looks like techy computer lingo that I totally suck at).

what are the things ive done when the opposite of depressed - bought more clothes than i can wear, bought gifts for others, made several cross country trips on a "whim," drank 2 bottles of wine in only a couple of hours, etc.

But I have known I was bp with some variation for a while.

tonight - the husband made me cry. and then 10 minutes later, im laughing. thats NOT normal...especially for me.

I agree that dec 15 is way too long to wait for an appt. Honestly I think that is unacceptable (unless you live in canada or norway where they have freaky messed up socialized health care....just ask around).

oh the problems of health care.....but there are other threads for that.

Good Luck!!!

december

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guess this whole upgrade thing is going around.  I too had been diagnosed w/major depression.  and then i went hypomanic on celexa (but strangely, not on prozac).  Have had some other incidents lately as well that lead me (as well as my therapist) to the conclusion of BPII.  Have to get an official dx from a pdoc, but it seems VERY likely that I am bipolar.

I've been having a hard time accepting it or even thinking about myself as bipolar.  I had a hard time even w/depression.  But depression seems like a "normal" MI that many "normal" people get.  BP is viewed (society) as a whole 'nother animal, i.e. You're totally fucking crazy. 

And i've been thinking about how this changes my life.  Depression I saw as a temporary episode.  Sure, it was likely to recurr, but there would be an end.  With bipolar, there is no end.  It doesn't just go away.  I'll likely have to be on medication for the rest of my life. and that sucks.  the medication now is not a problem, again because i see it as temporary.  I HATE making lifelong committments.  I'm 25 years old and i don't like to think of something sticking around with me until i die.  Right now i don't have any lifelong committments.  Sure, I'm in grad school, but i could leave if i really wanted to.  I could move across the country and become a chef or whatever else I wanted to do.  I feel (I guess now, felt) free.  I can't leave this or run away.  And it majorly fucking sucks.    And that it will affect everything that i choose to do.  Should I have kids?  Should i take a stressful job?  How will I tell someone that i'm seeing seriously (if i ever find him)?  For that matter, when in a relationship should you tell someone that?  My mind is swimming with too many questions (as if you couldn't tell)

Sorry for the supersized rant. To everyone else that is going through the same thing, remember that you're not alone.  PM anytime if you wish.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi All:

Moody - yeah, we are fucking crazy!!!!

I guess i saw depression differently - that i would always have to take meds. and then from talking to others about MI's as well as my own experiences - i know the meds are always gonna change. Hopefully some day Im able to have to magical combo. But right now, im just waiting. waiting for life. it sucks. oh well.

december

Link to comment
Share on other sites

How I got the "upgrade." (I like that! I'll steal it!  :) ). How I knew whether I was "normally crazy" or not. Well, first off, I never knew I was ever manic until around the time I was diagnosed. Bipolar was ruled out by my previous doctors, with one question which they all asked: "do you stay up all night, you know, painting the house or anything?" And I'd say: "HELL no! I hate painting!" And they'd smile and wham bam, I had Major Depressive Disorder. If anyone thought its episodic nature was at all odd, or that the anti-depressants they kept prescribing made me by my own description "agitated" and generally wacky, they never put two and two together, and frankly, neither did I. I just thought I was sensitive to anti-depressants. I never darkened a doctor's door when I was manic, just when I was depressed.

When I was manic, whether it was euphoric, dysphoric, or some weird mix, I never once thought I wasn't normal. I thought everybody ELSE was off their rockers! Everything I did made sense to me, at the time. And if it didn't, I just didn't care. I could never understand other people's reactions to Manic Me. (Kind of like Mini-Me, but way sexier and more socially outgoing lol).

It wasn't until I ended up in the psych ward due to the whole suicidal "Thing" and had all these really detailed questions asked and had people observing me 24/7 that anybody realized I was bipolar. And once they did, and I learned more about it (I knew next to nothing about it before then), I realized that wow, it fit me. I really had been manic. And I'd been cycling for so long at that point, probably since I was 15 or 16 that I can remember though I can remember experiencing depression and suicidal ideation as young as 10 or 11, that I no longer even knew what I was like stable. I still haven't been stable long enough to really know what I'm "like" when I'm not either swinging from the rafters or trying to hang from them. It's kind of scary. And now I'm back on the med-go-round 'cause I'm preggers. So who knows when I will find out.

Not sure if that helps you out any, but gives you one more experience for comparative purposes.  ;)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...