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I want my hypomania back!


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I'm pretty quiet on here but mostly becuase my lithium usuall maintains me a decent level, not manic to where I can't function.  The depression hasn't been much of an issue with me for years, pretty much since I started lithium, and it never really came back much (except for after having my daughter, in spurts), even when I was off meds. 

This last week has sucked ass.  I know what to expect with my highs, have a way of managing them that works.  But this depression, I don't know what to do, and I'm fighting to make it through work, through studying and my classes.  My next appointment with the pdoc wasn't until November, but I finally stopped being so chickenshit and called up this morning. Thankfully, an opening tomorrow. 

But I'm scared. I don't recall feeling this low in over five years. I've never taken anything but just lithium. It's worked for SO LONG, and I've read so much of multiple meds that I'm worried.  I was so happy to get my meds on discount (he gave me a 3-month Rx) and now I'm wondering how I can afford something else.

Eh, nothing specific, not really looking for answers, just needing to explode to others who'll understand. I write on my own site but I know most of my readers haven't a clue what I write of. I just need to know it's not me by myself now.

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Thank you, Spike!  You'd think I'd be used to the unusual with this bp stuff but this is way from my norm.

Is it normal for vision to get a little wacked? I'm having difficulty seeing things today, more than my regular myopia (aka nearly blind without contacts or glasses). 

And just now I made a phone call but had to repeat myself a couple times because they couldn't understand me. I wonder if I'm mumbling or slurring.  Not good for work. 

I think I'll drop my paper off in class then go home.  I was doing somewhat okay, staring off into la la land out my office window. But I have accomplished so little it's about what I would normally do in 30 minutes. 

I want my bed.  And I even want to call my mom and talk to her, but I know it'll just worry her so I won't. 

Even the man I'm dating (still doing okay, not sure how, keeping it simple I think) is out of town so I don't even have a body to snuggle against. ARGH!

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Saltiest, that's a tough place.  I don't know if it will help, but I recently went through a forced med change, and on my new meds I feel better than I ever did on the med I thought was working so well for so long.  The change was rough, but I wouldn't trade this new health for the world.

It's possible you may just need an additional stabilizer to help the lithium out.  There are lots of cocktails out there, so have hope and let us know what the pdoc says.

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Dunno know what's going on right now, I'm in such a daze.  My depression seems to be lifting with just an increase in my lithium (up to 1200mg now).  Just shows how this crap is soooo chemical, 'cause I feel better today after getting laid off from work, than I did last Thursday, the morning my best friend showed up from out of town.

Just going to try and ride this out...see if maybe my breakdown happens later.

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That's great, saltiest.  Hang in there.  It just might stay better.

When I crashed last summer, my mantra was "it's only a mood it's not me; it's only a mood it's not me."  Still, I was absolutely fucking amazed when the lamictal kicked in.  It was the weirdest thing, feeling so much better from a little orange pill.

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