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When thinking of breaking up with my boyfriend I suddenly snapped and started beating him and my mom up, then ran down to this local bridge and tried to climb it to kill myself. I really wanted to die at that point. Thankfully my boyfriend dragged me down and held me down until the police came. I have no idea why they didn't send an ambulance, but whatever. So I was sent in handcuffs to the local psych hospital, because I was very violent. I tried to run away and I tried to burn myself with a lighter there. They finally gave me some valium and I calmed down.

Then they drive me to this local hospital/home for the mentally ill. The first few days I kind of liked it, they gave me lots of valium and sleeping pills and I was just chilling, trying to think about my fucked up life. They decided to change all of my medicines, which made me feel like crap for about two weeks. I was a dizzy, constipated, tired, insomniac, manic, depressive, rapid cycling mess.

They changed me to: Lithium, Abilify, Zoloft and some Ativan at night.

I gotta go out and smoke, I'll update this later.

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I only have a minute because I have to get the girls ready for school (which means first taking a shower!)  But I wanted to send you a humongous HUG and tell you I've noticed your absence and worried about you.  I'm glad you got some help, and I'm glad to see you back.  Love, me

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Hi Helena, I'm glad that you didn't manage to do the bridge thing and I'm glad you're back. I kinda did the same thing, got freaky and tried to saw my wrists and then came back to the house to get a sharper knife, was snagged by my BF, who I was trying to beat up at the same time I was trying to stab myself. He managed to pin me, and call the cops who hauled me away in cuffs to the nearest ER and then the loony bin....I SO understand. *Hug* I hope the meds help. Keep us in the loop k?

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Thanks for the concern, guys. ;)

Ok here goes the continuation...

I stayed there for a total of two weeks. My memory is a bit fucked up because of all the tranquilizers they gave me, but I do remember spending a lot of time in the smoking room. I became a total chainsmoker and met some very interesting people there too. Almost everyone smoked and in the smokeroom people got together and talked about life, their diagnoses, and their medicines. This was heaven for me, I never have anyone to talk about medicines too (except you lovely guys, i mean in real life). I drank a lot of coffee, then asked for Valium to calm me down again. Finally got switched to Xanax so I didn't walk around in a cloud anymore. Listened to music especially Placebo, Grateful Dead and hrrmm... this is embarassing, Mariah Carey.

It was calm and nice most of the time, except this time this schizophrenic woman freaked out and they had to give her a Valium injection and she wanted to sue the state.

I couldn't get regular painkillers there, dammit.

-Can I get a Xanax please?

-Sure here you go.

-Could I have an Aspirin too please, I have period pains?

-No, that's not on your list of medicines sorry.

Gahhhh!!

I remember the manic woman who gave everybody advice. Like "pee after sex", "you can use deodorants as dildos, that's why they look like that", "some people descend from the apes and some from the angels/aliens".

Now I'm home and the new medicines are working pretty good. I broke up with my boyfriend because I need to think about myself for a while. I only study at half-time right now, so I have a lot of free time which I really need right now.

Oh yeah I also found out I'm Bipolar 1 instead of 2.

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I'm glad life is calming down for you. Take it easy your first couple weeks back home  B) Life has a way of sorting itself out. You don't need to have all the answers within a nice neat efficient time frame. Take your time and take care of yourself.

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hey,

  glad you're ok. when i went to the hospital, it was the same way. i got to talk to people about medications and stuff. some really interesting people that i wouldn't normally run across in everyday life. i met this kid who had an IQ of 140. he was always putting 1000 piece puzzles together and finishing them. i think going to the hospital was the best thing because you get 3-4 months worth of psych visits done within a week and your set with meds. its nice. you never have to worry about the way you act because no one is judging you, unlike the outside world, its awesome. good luck and one day at a time. matt  ;)

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