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Guest PinkToo2grrl

OK, so I really, really thought i had my sexuality all straightened out by now.  Years of denial, realizations, epiphanies, coming out, falling in love, finding my soulmate, blah blah blah.

So, why do i all of a sudden find myself powerfully attracted to men!?  I mean like lusting after strangers on the street.

I still love my wife, still find women attractive both intellectually AND physically. 

I just want to know what the hell is going on here!?  I mean I am married.  I am settled in for the long haul with this woman.  This is really throwing me for a freaking loop here.

perplexed pinky

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To be honest, I don't think that it's that abnormal to find yourself attracted to people of the opposite sex (that sounds weird...) What I am trying to say is that, in my opinion, most people are not exclusively gay or straight but just sexual. I occasionally find myself attracted to young women with shaved heads. Maybe it's a Shenaid O'Conner (sp?) thing.

I wouldn't worry about it though unless these thoughts are preoccupying your mind. Then you may want to talk to someone about it or check that your meds aren't making you overly sexual.

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P22G -

Tell me about it.  Ye gods, the confusion.

Growing up gay but utterly repressing it, having girlfriends, noticing guys but looking away, falling in love with a gorgeous woman, marrying her for ten years and having kids, then realizing that what it was I was feeling about men, splitting up, then suddenly realizing that this or that woman is attractive, then finding myself lusting after this guy... I'm gay -- no, bi -- no, wait, gay -- I could be happy straight, couldn't I? -- gay as a June picnic -- bi -- wow, she's beautiful... wait -- whoa, definitely gay -- GAH!~~~

It's part of what I've taken to calling my Triple Curse: Depression, Gayness, and Lonerism.  All three are inherent parts of me, and none of the three can really be changed.

Likewise, it may be that part of you is very much attracted to women, but another, discrete, part of you finds men attractive.  The two are not mutually exclusive, except for the fact that you happen to be married and must not dally with the objects currently of interest to your libido.  And I do draw a distinction there; I believe that a person's appetites are not necessarily always reflective of that person's core feelings or beliefs.  Biology gets in the way, in ways we don't yet fully understand.  Numerous studies have been done on human arousal, and I find it fascinating how much is, quite literally, chemistry.

I would encourage you to read

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well said Cerberus ! that's pretty much the succinct version of what i wanted to say, but ya beat me too it. don't let your fantasies get the best of you, pinky - cause that's all they are. Unless they're seriously getting in the way of your life and, more importantly, your relationship to your wife, i wouldn't be too concerned. I think people make way too much of sexual classifications, anyways. I think of myself as on a continuum, and i'm always sliding back and forth between "straight" and "gay". Most people would call that bisexual, but I like to be different. The point is, all it means is that your brain is waking up to the possibility of other interests. That's it. Welcome to the club!  ;)

- hannah

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um, ok, so that was a really intense post there hannibal ...

biologically, your body is saying "fuck men! procreate! maintain the genetic line!". it's hard to argue with biology.

i get the same too. i put it down to the fact that there are some things that are just right and tweak your mind. like hearing a passage of music, or seeing a painting, and you get this incredible response, but someone else would have  no response to it at all, it would be just another piece of music, another picture. and maybe that's what you see sometimes and it buzzes your brain on an organic level. we are attracted to things of beauty, no matter who or what they are. we can't help that.

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If you don't like a particular thought, associate it with something unpleasant.

example:- everytime the thought comes to mind think of having spew rubbed in your face or better still your most dreaded fear. It takes practice! Reprogramming your valves is difficult but not impossible. ;)

robot1.jpgDanger, Will Robinson.

I don't quarrel with Hannibal's premise that negative conditioning can alter your perception of some things

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'I'm a bricklayer not a doctor!' readers can just ignore me like most other people and they are perfectly capable of shooting the crap out of me all by themselves..  'Insatiable curiousity Jim'  How can aversion therapy be dangerous? Try anything before Meds. How many suicides and murders have been attributed to illness instead of reaction to Meds by doctors that don't know when or how to prescribe them. ;)

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Guest PinkToo2grrl

biologically, your body is saying "fuck men! procreate! maintain the genetic line!". it's hard to argue with biology.

hmmmm wondering if being in by early forties this might have something to do with ye olde bio clock!

as far as aversion therapy/negative conditioning, sure fine it's a viable option for any habit or phobia you'd like to break ....

but it can cause the hackles to go up when seen in association with any "gay" issue, because of past conditioning associating it to negative judgements of being gay.

Cerebus .. do you move your arms around when you say "danger, danger will robinson!?"  I sure do lol!  Its amazing what gets retained from our childhoods.

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