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Hey all. New to these boards, but not new to the diagnosis. For the longest time I haven't come across anyone with the same illness, which I actually think was for the best because thinking about my experiences too in depth tends to set off triggers and panic attacks. In some moments, it feels like I'm back in the worst of it. Kind of difficult putting these thoughts into words, since I don't want to think about it too deeply.

For years I had more of the disorganized type and flat effect of the shizo part of my illness. What a wonderful hell that was...still is a hell, but not to the level it once was. Not being able to think in the abstract, barely able to hold a thought in my head, and not even being able to believe that the 1960's happened nor in the legitimacy of my childhood experiences.

One thing I constantly experienced during that time was fear. More like the stark fucking terror of an 8 year panic attack. After that time, I started having more normal emotions again, including but not limited to anger at all the time and years I had already lost. This is what gets to me the most these days, and is something I don't think I'll ever get over. It's that cycle of thought that ruins me now.

Smoke like a chimney though. For some reason it's in those little bits of time that I somehow feel unaffected by all my cares.

Anyway, good to be here.

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Welcome to Crazyboards! It's often a little slow here on the weekend, so I don't want you to think that people are ignoring you if it takes a while to get some responses.

Be sure to read the rules when you get a chance, and contact a mod if you have a question. We don't bite....much. heh

I'm glad you found us and I hope we can help you in some way.


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