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Quest. for the girls


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First of all sorry to waste your time.

Second, this kinda has to do with my OCD. 

Third, I've been married almost 18 yrs. in a couple weeks.  I have obsessed about wanting a larger diamond in my setting for about 15 of the 18 years.  Almost every year at this time (and in between) I think think think about it.  I'm not talking a honker of a stone, just something at least 1 ct.  Hubby laughs it off.  He is not the buying type.

Fourth - my dilema.  I feel guilty about it. Not about wanting it (I hate all the years obsessing about it), but the $$ part and the am I worth it part.  Do I work?  Yes, part time though (so I feel like I have less of a say since I bring home less).  Work my ass off at home though.  Do we have bills? Yes, more than we should, American dream you know.  Do I shop for myself?  No, not really.  Bought jeans from the Salvation Army, got a jacket from a garage sale and I wear my clothes much longer than I care to admit it (okay sometimes I wear out my clothes).  Do I have the $ to pay for it?  No.  Will I in the near future?  No.  I have a son who will be graduating in 2 years, and one in 4 years so the we'll have the college woes.  We don't travel, own expensive things, eat out often, shop often, etc.

Will getting it make me happy?  Yup.  Will I be over my obsession?  Yes.  Will I want a bigger rock and obsess after like I am now?  Don't think so.  I wear very little and own very little jewlery so a much larger rock would be awkward for me. 

Fifth - will my husb. be mad?  Probably.  Do I care, not really.  I get little, if anything from him usually.  Can't rem. last time he bought something. 

So, bottom line, what would you do if you were me?  Sorry for the length!

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Kris, I don't think it was a waste of time

and I say go for it!

I used to always put everyone else's needs/wants before my own. No matter how important it was to me, I thougth theirs was more important. It caused me grief and anger and made me feel worthless. Honestly, it was quite a battle that raged inside of me.

Finally, I bought something I wanted very badly. And, you know, the world didn't fall apart. I was damn proud of myself. Did it cause some anger, etc.? Yes, but it was worth every penny. 'Cause it was the first time I did something I really, really wanted to do...get something for me. Just for me. No strings attached. No guilt.

And how soon will you be doing it? ;)

spike

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To be honest, this sounds more like a psychological thing than a material thing.  Just my little opinion, but you mentioned getting very little from hubby, and maybe that dissatisfaction rattles around in your subconscious and manifests as a desire for a larger stone around your wedding anniversary because your mind is on your marriage.  I would think that if you really wanted a larger stone it would gnaw away at you year-round.  Maybe you're really wanting a better, upgraded, version of hubby?

I suggest you keep the ring you presently have (for sentimental reasons) and buy a new ring of your dreams with the diamond you love.

I second this.  Or earrrings, or a necklace.  Something special from you to you that isn't mixed up with your feelings about your marriage.  Like the L'Oreal commercial states: You're worth it! 

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Go ahead and get it.  My test (especially for larger purchases) is always, do I persistently think about it and am I willing to give up other luxuries (dinners out, movies, new clothes, etc) for it.  I think yours meets that test. 

It took forever for my mother to convince my dad how important jewelry is to her.  On her 60th birthday she announced to both Dad and me that she only wants jewelry or clothes for presents--no more practical items.  At a certain age you have a right to announce that.

There are lots of places to find reasonably priced pieces that are pretty.  TJ Maxx is one of my mom's favorites--they have great real gold on clearance...also the Ross-Simons online clearance section has some deals. 

The stones in one of my rings came from an estate sale--a much cheaper way to buy-- and then I just bought a stand-alone setting from a jewelry store.

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