mammakanin Posted November 21, 2010 Share Posted November 21, 2010 for the last four days my anxiety has gone way over board. i used to have a day or two where i almost felt "normal" (whatever that means, but basically how i felt before i woke up one morning and siad "hmm, somthing's wrong here") no need to take stesolid (found out the rest of the world calls it valium), no need to pick at my cuticles or scratch myself raw and most importantly, no panic attacks! i am allowed to take 2-4 mg 1-3 times a day as needed, so we're not talking high doses here. ihaven't slept for more than 2-4 hours a night unless medicated for a couple of months. and i'm not tired the next day! (not sleepy tired, at least - normally, i should be dead by now. i get killer headaches from lack of sleep, that can only be cured by sleeping. but i haven't had one since this started. unfortunately, i can't medicate every night because of my work situation. i have a comute that is over an hour and i drive. until wednesday. everything changed that day. i was literally so tired i don't know how i got out of bed and myself to work. i woke up with one of those killer headaches. i thought i should just go drown myself in the sea at lunch, it hurt so bad. i was counting the hours until i could just lie down. and when it was less than an hour to that time, my headache disappeared. and suddenly i was hyper. knew that there was no way i could sleep. did the stay awake until you pass out thing and work up after only a couple of hours as usual. couldn't fall back asleep. and not tired the next day. and when i wok up at middle of the night, i knew that thrusday would be a bad day. was so anxious i took stesolid just to be able to go to morning coffee. had two panic attacks during the day. and one at night in bed as i was falling asleep. no attacks on fri. but so nervous that i took more stesolid. took some yesterday because i knew we had to go shopping and shops are a huge trigger. had one at the pharmacy (while picking up more stesolid, how ironic!) and another at home. more stesolid. imovane for sleeping, but woke up after only 4 hours! more stesolid today and two more panic attacks, one triggered (library, even bigger than shops) one at home just sitting in the sofa watching tv. the problem is that since thrusday i have felt like i am sliding into a deep dark hole. each day worse and worse. today was awful. just wanted to hide in the corner. couldn't even more to get myself a glass of water, even though i was so thirsty. i'm beginning to believe that i am depressed. (it has been suggested to by by an irl friend who has a diagnosis and ad, so i trust she knows what she is talking about) as well as several persons here. that i can be depressed even though i don't feel sad or cry all the time. i know you can get depressed from benzos. i wondering if this downward spiral is because i am taking them every day and more than once, or if something happened wednesday/thursday that brought on more anxiety, more panic attacks and this feeling of not being able to do anything? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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