Rob_R Posted December 11, 2010 Share Posted December 11, 2010 Well, let me see. I am 37, I come from Melbourne, Australia, I have CFS and have done for almost 10 years, and it has been a hectic time in the meantime. I, incredibly and unexpectedly, found love along the way and without question my soulmate, and since i was unable to recover from my illness we have of course been force to go our own ways and this has absolutely and utterly torn me in two. But that was a story in itself, though it has left me in a deep depression, one I just cannot escape from and am finding it very hard to continue. She was, and still is, absolutely everything to me even though she has moved on after I told her out of compassion it was best she did. But she waited for me as long as possible. The pain from my illness compounds things tremendously so there's nothing but 4 walls and memories to taunt me and remind me. I suffer also from Hyperacusis which is an extreme sensitivity to sound also, and there are other things but I think I need not go on. When I was on such painkillers as Tramal and OxyNorm I was able to write and record a lot of somgs; by band - Norwegian Celery Farmers - has actually had some success and that was something I was really glad I did whilst I could. I put a few of the albums up on Jamendo now for free as well as a few other places since I cant really do too much with it anymore, and am too weak to record since the painkillers in the end only made me weaker, but I am proud of what I was able to do considering most songs I played all instruments and with what I have it was never easy. I also draw comics and have a couple published but I havent drawn for some years. Panic attacks dominated my life from the age of about 16 to 28 - I was a total slave to it and I suffered tremendously at the hands of it, basically daily and it stopped me from doing a lot of things and going out to a lot of places. I conquered them completely, on my own without any external help whatsoever when I was 28 and have not had a single attack for 9 years straight, and I consider this my greatest accomplishment of my life. I will explain more about this in the relevant section of this forum because perhaps it may be of benefit to some people. Exploring the inner landscape whilst defeating panic enabled me to find a new passion that I hitherto never even realised I had; a thirst for the truth and about exactly who I am and what everything is about. This is gradually coming to the forefront of everything I do now in my life, and although I never really knew what I wanted to do in life - I was in computers when I worked - I feel I am finally finding out what exactly it is. In te meantime though I so miss what I had with my ex-partner than I also wish I could meet or even communicate with someone on that level again, at least once more in my life. That honesty, trust, openness was just so beautiful and I miss it so much. I dont know if I will ever find it again but well, I will see. At the moment though I really am utterly heartbroken and have never done anything like this before, never come onto a forum like this and talk this way. But anyway I will make the most of it and explain a bit about what I did to overcome panic attacks and curb anxiety. Thanks for listening.. there's so much info on this board and I think its great, lots of places to dip into and check out. : ) Rob. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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