Hello. I'm Rob

[Rob_R]

Well, let me see. I am 37, I come from Melbourne, Australia, I have CFS and have done for almost 10 years, and it has been a hectic time in the meantime. I, incredibly and unexpectedly, found love along the way and without question my soulmate, and since i was unable to recover from my illness we have of course been force to go our own ways and this has absolutely and utterly torn me in two. But that was a story in itself, though it has left me in a deep depression, one I just cannot escape from and am finding it very hard to continue. She was, and still is, absolutely everything to me even though she has moved on after I told her out of compassion it was best she did. But she waited for me as long as possible. The pain from my illness compounds things tremendously so there's nothing but 4 walls and memories to taunt me and remind me. I suffer also from Hyperacusis which is an extreme sensitivity to sound also, and there are other things but I think I need not go on.

When I was on such painkillers as Tramal and OxyNorm I was able to write and record a lot of somgs; by band - Norwegian Celery Farmers - has actually had some success and that was something I was really glad I did whilst I could. I put a few of the albums up on Jamendo now for free as well as a few other places since I cant really do too much with it anymore, and am too weak to record since the painkillers in the end only made me weaker, but I am proud of what I was able to do considering most songs I played all instruments and with what I have it was never easy. I also draw comics and have a couple published but I havent drawn for some years.

Panic attacks dominated my life from the age of about 16 to 28 - I was a total slave to it and I suffered tremendously at the hands of it, basically daily and it stopped me from doing a lot of things and going out to a lot of places. I conquered them completely, on my own without any external help whatsoever when I was 28 and have not had a single attack for 9 years straight, and I consider this my greatest accomplishment of my life. I will explain more about this in the relevant section of this forum because perhaps it may be of benefit to some people.

Exploring the inner landscape whilst defeating panic enabled me to find a new passion that I hitherto never even realised I had; a thirst for the truth and about exactly who I am and what everything is about. This is gradually coming to the forefront of everything I do now in my life, and although I never really knew what I wanted to do in life - I was in computers when I worked - I feel I am finally finding out what exactly it is.

In te meantime though I so miss what I had with my ex-partner than I also wish I could meet or even communicate with someone on that level again, at least once more in my life. That honesty, trust, openness was just so beautiful and I miss it so much. I dont know if I will ever find it again but well, I will see. At the moment though I really am utterly heartbroken and have never done anything like this before, never come onto a forum like this and talk this way. But anyway I will make the most of it and explain a bit about what I did to overcome panic attacks and curb anxiety.

Thanks for listening.. there's so much info on this board and I think its great, lots of places to dip into and check out. : )

Rob.

[The Emperor]

Hi Rob! Welcome to CB, I hope you like it here.

Excuse any typos I may make because I'm too tired to give a damn.

I'm raelly sorry about your relationship and that you're depressed, I really hope it gets better for you.

I suffered from panic attacks fairly often, however I'm on medication to keep them under control, so I don't have them very often anymore. I find it interesting that you were able to conquer them on your own. Anxiety totally takes over my life, so I know how much that sucks.

Anyway, I babbled. Again, welcome and I know you'll find good support here and plenty of people to relate to. It's a great place.

[mcjimjam]

Hey Rob!

Welcome to CrazyBoards

It sounds like you're really doing it tough since the break-up. I'm sorry to hear. I can sympathize with feeling heartbroken. It's truly the worst there is.

I'm from VIC also. The shitty weather at the moment doesn't help much with depression does it?

I don't have any pearls of wisdom but I hope you find this site useful and supportive. I certainly have!

James.

[Rob_R]

Thank you the Emperor. I think thats the most unreal Avatar Ive ever seen! : )

I wrote up on what i did to defeat panic. I hope it can help someone, that would be just wonderful if it could even just help one person. Panic is just... so hard to live with.

Thankyou James. Yes Ive never felt this before.. whats worse is that we never ever fought and we were forced to split. its like a death every single day. I defeated panic but

i cant defeat heartbreak like this. And no... the weather sure doesnt do much good. : ) But its ok. Melbourne's always been like a Mr Bungle song, changes every 4.5 seconds.

Thanks again guys, thanks so much.

[SashaSue]

Welcome to CB. I'm sorry, but I'm a bit confused. If things were so great with your ex, why did you break up with her?

[Rob_R]

Welcome to CB. I'm sorry, but I'm a bit confused. If things were so great with your ex, why did you break up with her?

I have CFS and she lives overseas. Nearby her house was an institute claiming a 98% success rate of recovery. Basically wasted all my money on it and had to return home. But I had to take the chance ; it seemed like fate and i desperately wanted to be with her. In the meantime she found work, I told her to move on after some years, but I still remain heartbroken. Just keeps getting works actually.