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Zimmie

Too crazy to be in a relationship?

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So, I got out of my first relationship, which lasted two years but was not too serious, a few months ago. Recently, a really awesome-looking girl contacted me on a dating website (which I had forgotten I was on). She looks super interesting, we have a ton of things in common, and I'd really like to meet her. I'm not one of those people who has to be in a relationship to feel fulfilled or secure – I have good friends who fill that gap – but I do miss it. And she looks like a great person to get together with.

But... then I look down at myself, and I still have healing cuts. I'm going through medication changes that can make me mercurial. Due to mental health stuff my future is entirely up in the air – I have no idea when/if/where I'll go to college, or how. I'm at a point where my therapist wants me to consider going in-patient and my psychiatrist wants me to consider a day program. I have no sex drive due to medication.

I started dating my last girlfriend before everything went to shit, and she was an absolute star and stayed through it, touched me when I had cuts on my body, visited me in mental hospitals, understood when I had to retreat into myself from the depression. She was a solid, and having that relationship that I could depend on helped me enormously. I just... don't know if it's appropriate for me to start a relationship when I'm dealing with all this stuff. I really want to say "yes" and see where it goes – heck, she might not even like me in person. But if she does... I don't know. I'd feel like I was suckering her into something bad, I guess.

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To me, it mostly sounds like you need to be focussing on your own stability, before getting into a relationship.

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Guest Vapourware

Being in a relationship takes a lot of energy and effort, which is why it's better to be stable first before going into it. I think maybe you can just take the attitude of meeting this girl and seeing what happens - because you don't know what might happen. Maybe a relationship might occur, maybe you'll just end up as good friends. It depends on how you perceive your current state at present and whether you think you can handle having a new person in your life.

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I'd agree.

It's one thing if you're in a relationship when the #$%$ hits the fan, but I think if you're at the point of maybe going inpatient now might not be the time. Can you stay friendly and see what happens when you're more stable? :)

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Thanks very much to everyone! I guess I was looking for confirmation/advice, and you gave it wonderfully. :) I'm going to write her back and suggest we just hang out... and hopefully gain a new friend.

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I agree with Sashasue. You need to start anew within yourself. You should help you before doing anything else. Once you're established and then everything will be just fine. I believe your last girlfriend greatly loves you. For all of her moral support she deserves to be loved.

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I can relate to feeling like you're suckering someone into a bad thing. I think if you tell her you've you have some issues before things get serious then it's up to her and it won't be a shock when you are ill. I can understand the feeling though. Sort of like selling a used car and not mentioning it's got problems. But I think.. If you tell them it's up to them whether they are ok with it or not.

I agree with what others have said about not getting in deep with someone while you're unstable. If it could stress you out it will just make things worse. I'd wait until I was coping well and could deal with a new relationship and all the complications that come with that.

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Candy, please stop resurrecting old threads.  This one is over two years old, and the people involved are no longer interested in perpetuating it.

 

Thank you.

olga

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