Don't make me cry at you!

[Smorky]

Hi, I'm Smorky. I'm a 19-year-old uterus-- I mean, woman-- and while I am skeptical that there is anyone I'll feel comfortable talking about my problems to, I often do anyway. I don't feel too hopeful at this time in my life. I have attempted suicide 3 times, and as you probably guessed from me typing here, I survived each attempt. I haven't attempted all that recently, the most recent being January of this year. I have been hospitalized 4 times for depression, 5 counting the one time I didn't let them send me to a treatment center after a suicide attempt.

I know there are people out there that have it worse than me, and it honestly does not make me feel better when people tell me that. I would in fact say I end up feeling like total shit when they try to make me look at the bright side of things. I have been diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, some sort of anxiety disorder, Tourette's Syndrome-- which was triggered by some quack who was switching my meds around suddenly and often without rhyme or reason-- Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, a pituitary microadenoma which is benign but REALLY inconvenient in other ways, and a learning disability known as Nonverbal Learning Disorder. Those are just the main ones if that gives you any idea how long my disability checklist goes on.

I started my second semester of college this fall, and was attending full time so I could stay on my parents' insurance until I'm 25. The semester before I was attending part time, and finished with an A and a B as my final grades for the two classes I was taking. This semester I stopped attending half way through, because I was overwhelmed and was generally feeling full of myself about starting my life, and scared shit-less about not being able to perfect every little detail in my assignments. I have trashed my GPA, I will probably not be going back to college on my parents' dime.

I don't know what to expect from this site, but I'm gonna stick around to find out.

[WinterRosie]

Hey. A close friend of mine has a pituitary microadenoma, so I get the inconveniences that you're (likely) thrown.

Looking forward to seeing you around.

[Smorky]

Hey. A close friend of mine has a pituitary microadenoma, so I get the inconveniences that you're (likely) thrown.

Looking forward to seeing you around.

Hahah, thanks for posting WinterRosie. :] Truth be told, they are fairly common from what I hear. I always feel a bit awkward telling people I have a pituitary tumor because their instinct is usually to go "OH MY GOD!" right before I'm about to tell them it's not deadly. I will be honest and say when I got those test results a few years ago I pretty much had the exact same reaction. XD

[Stickler]

Tourette's Syndrome-- which was triggered by some quack who was switching my meds around suddenly and often without rhyme or reason

Well, shit.

Hey, welcome.

[Emettman]

Welcome.

Other treatments having failed, I'm on the waiting list to have my scepticism [uK] surgically removed. But apparently there's a long queue

And as a former optometrist a range of things that lurk in the pituitary area are familiar to me, but being congenitally uterus-deficient I don't have such a great understanding of that perspective.

Chris.

[Smorky]

Hey guys, thanks for all the replies!

Stickler-- yes. Shit indeed. It was even worse because the symptoms came on suddenly, severely, and without warning, and the kids at school thought I was faking it. Thanks for the welcome!

Chris - I really hope that goes well for you. I can't tell what you mean by having the skepticism surgically removed (I couldn't tell if you meant you were having a brain abnormality removed or were just telling a joke), but I know I feel like I've been through the medical treatment ringer, too. Also, you can have my uterus if you don't want to feel like you're missing out. :]

Mackie-- I look forward to looking around the community a little more today. Most people I tell can't really tell I have an autistic spectrum disorder, but I think I had most of my autistic traits regarding social awkwardness beaten out of me by the teens at the school I was going to. I don't know about you, but my tics do get worse when I'm in a social setting, which if most people knew that anxiety and tic disorders liked to feed each other, would probably make them realize just how socially awkward on the inside I am. But luckily for me, they don't. I am still affected by other traits of NLD, like getting lost easily, horrible decision making skills, not being able to apply the same learned concept to different applications, asking way too many questions to the point of annoying the shit out of people, and being too descriptive and imaginative for my own good (what part don't you understand about my head feeling like there's an elephant dancing on a bowling ball inside?).

I appreciate the welcomes, I hope I get to know some of you all a little better too.

[weordmyndum]

Welcome, Smorky.

I'm also a survivor of multiple suicide attempts who has trouble connecting to people. FWIW, I've found people at this site are very knowledgeable and easy to talk to, in general.

I kind of giggled when I read what you wrote about freaking out when they find out you have a tumor. I have weird brain stuff too, though of a different flavor--was born with a congenital neurovascular defect, had some micro-strokes, had brain surgery--and people freak out on me when they find out, too. Your scenario was just so familiar: "OMG YOU HAD BRAIN SURGERY?!"

Anyhow, hi, welcome, hope you manage to feel comfortable here.