I'm new here, is this where I start?

[humanoid]

I'm not sure how to start this...I feel a bit awkward giving an introduction but I assume this is the best place to begin being new and all!

My name is Jess, I recently turned 19, and I'm a girl. I'm not sure if I feel comfortable enough to spew my whole story right now, nor do I think anyone really wants to read all of that but I'll tell some basics.

I have dealt with mental illness since I was 12 years old. I was originally diagnosed with clinical depression, but found out earlier this year that it was incorrect. I am diagnosed bipolar, and suspected borderline, but I've not been in to get an official diagnosis yet. I was told that I had this when I was hospitalized at age 15 but they can't officially diagnose a minor, so I've been waiting. Tried to get in for a visit to a specific BPD treatment facility but my appointment got canceled and I didn't try again. I'm not sure if I want that diagnosis. I also have trichotillomania, though am lucky enough to not have the urge to pull out the hair on my head so no one knows unless I tell them. And a diagnosis of social anxiety disorder but this hasn't been as big a problem for me in many, many years.

I recently, about a month ago, went off all medications. I guess I got sick of always having to remember to swallow down several pills morning and night, and I guess I felt like it wasn't giving me much of a benefit either. It's nice not to experience withdrawal after missing one dose and it's nice not to constantly have to get refills and make trips out when all I want to do is sleep. I know it's not the right thing, and I know my mood has changed for the worse, but I also feel that it's my choice whether I want to be medicated or not and I've never really had that choice until now. I figure I'll eventually go back to the psychiatrist and get back on track but life un-medicated isn't too terribly miserable.

I'm not sure what I'm looking for here...a bit confused on that, but I could always use someone to talk to that knows what I'm going through. I tried a support group, but I'm bad with commitments. Same deal with therapy and seeing my psychiatrist...just so sick of it all.

Is there anyone around with similar issues that wouldn't mind sharing experiences or just listening to me? There aren't many people in my life that I feel I can share everything with without being judged or called crazy, something.

[notfred]

I recently, about a month ago, went off all medications. I guess I got sick of always having to remember to swallow down several pills morning and night, and I guess I felt like it wasn't giving me much of a benefit either. It's nice not to experience withdrawal after missing one dose and it's nice not to constantly have to get refills and make trips out when all I want to do is sleep. I know it's not the right thing, and I know my mood has changed for the worse, but I also feel that it's my choice whether I want to be medicated or not and I've never really had that choice until now. I figure I'll eventually go back to the psychiatrist and get back on track but life un-medicated isn't too terribly miserable.

If you felt like they were not doing anything perhaps that were working. Ideally you should just feel well if the meds are working. You are only a month out from stopping so you will know if stopping them was a bad idea shortly.

nf

[Indigo 'n dye]

Hi. Welcome. Come on in, the atmosphere is relaxed and supportive. Indigo

[LunaRufina]

Hi, welcome.

I just saw a while ago that you very briefly stopped into the chat.

You should try to come in again soon. I kind of hang out in chat but don't always know that people are in there because I check out other windows too.

If people really want to talk, they can try private messaging me to see if I'm there and then give me a couple minutes.

A lot of people periodically check the window and then check something else and then come back, so it may be a few minutes of hanging out after you say hello to get a response at first.

Lately it's been a bit slow in there but it's slooooowly picking back up.

Glad you joined.

I've been "officially" crazy since I was a kid too. I was dx'd at first as depressed when I was nine and then later it was changed to bipolar when I was quite a bit older.

It's really a great place here.

I hope you find what you are looking for, whatever it is.

Going on your meds...

Well, look:

A RAPID CYCLING bipolar has at minimum 4 episodes a year. And rapid cyclers, despite what may appear to be otherwise, are not very common.

So what I'm saying is that it may be a little while before the consequences of your actions are fully realized.

Even if you are a rapid cycler, it could be months.

And by the time you hit an episode, it's too late to back-peddle.

You have to start your meds again, titrating up on some of them, and some of them may not work as well or in the same way.

Plus any potential damage that may be done to your life.

It IS your choice to be unmedicated, but the consequences are never immediate.

That said, you are welcome here, so I hope you don't feel driven off or anything.

Do try chat again, too. It's a nice place.

If you have any questions or need anything, feel free to PM me or any of the other admins or mods.

Luna

And... as I was writing that you came into chat.

Heh.

Sorry.

[humanoid]

If you felt like they were not doing anything perhaps that were working. Ideally you should just feel well if the meds are working. You are only a month out from stopping so you will know if stopping them was a bad idea shortly.

nf

Yeah maybe they were working, but I don't know if I want to settle for just feeling not bad. I want to feel good, and the meds weren't doing that for me.

Going on your meds...

Well, look:

A RAPID CYCLING bipolar has at minimum 4 episodes a year. And rapid cyclers, despite what may appear to be otherwise, are not very common.

So what I'm saying is that it may be a little while before the consequences of your actions are fully realized.

Even if you are a rapid cycler, it could be months.

I don't know what sort of cycle I have with my episodes as I wasn't even aware I had episodes until earlier this year. Once I got the diagnosis I started considering events in my life that could be classed as manic. I don't think I cycle rapidly though, I think I've had one a year for as long as I can remember. One or two? I don't know, it's possible there's more I can't remember, or less severe episodes. I should start keeping track.

Thanks for the welcomes everyone

[olga]

I'm going to add my welcome to the crowd. I'm glad you found us, Jess, and I think there is a lot of information in this place that might be helpful to you.

We have a very active forum for the bipolar crowd, and the debate about going off meds is one that I've watched for several years. If you look through the list of topics, you'll find several discussions about it.

Be sure to check out the chat room again. There are several people who hang out there a lot and it's fun to talk with them and get to know your fellow crazies a little bit.

I hope you like it here.

olga

[PipD45]

Hi there, I'm new as well, and obviously this is where we start right?! Won't go into a whole big introduction yet, but wanted to say that I freakin love the titles of all the forums - haha the "who the hell are you" thread - classic!!!