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Friend who turned out to not be one!


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I have had a friend for about 23 years. We used to spend alot of time together but hadn;t seen each other fro about 10 years. This is a friend I had before the onset of major bp symptoms. He helped me out of a few jams

through the years. I moved back to Richmond last year and spoke to him in January. Hadn't called in about a year

and looked him up on facebook and sent a friend request. No responce. Called and left a message/no responce.

I haven't tried anymore because the facebook snub pretty much says it all doesn't it? I checked his page and there

is recent activity so I know he got my request. I haven't tried anymore and I won't call anymore because it doesn't

get any more obvious than this. It makes me feel bad but I don't let it bother me because I believe it's because of

the bp and not some character flaw.

Anyone else experienced this type of behavior? Are real friends supposed to just bail like this? I just chalk it

up to another thing bp has taken from me.


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Never, ever, ever judge the state of a relationship based on social networking sites.

Facebook isn't that important in the greater strata of social interaction - he might not check his Facebook that often, or he might, like myself, just not care that much about FB in general. It's just not that important to some of us.

People's lives change. They shift and turn with experience, and in ten years he may have experienced some growth and change of his own, just like you have. Don't take it personally that he hasn't responded yet, it may mean that he's busy with other aspects of his life...or it may just mean he hasn't had a chance to get back to you or isn't sure what to say to you after all this time.

Don't blame anything for it. Don't blame the BP. It doesn't have to be something's fault. People change and fall away from one another, there doesn't have to be some scapegoat or end cause for any of it, it just happens sometimes and there's no need to give that more weight than it deserves.

Try to remember that your idea of a 'real friend' is an internal set of expectations, not a universal that everyone follows. For me, what constitutes a 'real friend' is probably very different than your own ideal. This person has been there for you in the past, and the past doesn't change, that person has stood up for you and helped you out of situations you say, then respect him for those things and try not to take his silence personally.

No one took him from you, nothing shoved him away, it's just the way your lives have flowed. Hopefully he reconnects with you, but if he doesn't, there are other friends to be made for the asking, right?

Anyway, I hope thinks look up either way.

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What you said made alot of sense to me. It's just that we were the kind of friends that I thought would last forever but like you said that's how I see it. That doesn't mean he will feel the same way.

However I do know that he is active on his facebook page so I know he got my message. I'm not really that upset about it because I do see my BP as a reason for it and not just some character flaw. Some people are just put off after awhile having to deal with a friend who is always down or hyper etc. Hell I've had it with myself so I can imagine how other people see me. Like some people say he was not really a friend if he can just end the friendship

like that.

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Like some people say he was not really a friend if he can just end the friendship like that.

I'd judge whether or not he's a friend by the things he's done for you in the past, really. Going by the way he's helped you historically speaking, he's a friend, whether or not he wants to talk to you just right now. Hell, even the desire (or lack thereof) to talk to you may change in time. He's probably still a friend, but after so long, it might be hard to know what to say. I'd just take it for face value, say, 'he's a friend, but right now he's occupied' and just put him on the back burner. Something may put you two back together later on, who knows?

I try not to expect too much from people outside of my marriage, which colors my interaction with other people. I talk to my very best friends every few weeks, but we aren't grafted together at the ass, that's really my husband's exclusive province. Other people may see things like that much differently - keep in mind, I'm a bit of a shut-in.

Also, I fake activity on my Facebook page by linking it to my Twitter. I don't have to even log onto Facebook to update the silly thing, which creates the illusion that I actually attend to it and post on it. He might be doing the same thing, who knows? I'm glad you aren't tearing yourself up over this, but I truly don't think even your BP deserves blame for it...people are just people, y'know?

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With guys it's a brother thing. When you tell someone you love them and they also tell you that's the kind of friend I'm talking about. We had done things together that you only do with someone you would trust with your life.

Those kind of friends don't just stop communicating with you! They would at least tell you something if only to tell you that they would not be your friend anymore.

There has to be some real drastic reason for him to just drop our friendship. The only thing I can think of is Bp

or he was just not what he said he was.

It bothers me a little but I'll get over it so the hell with him. I can't change the past so I will just focus

on the future and try not to do things that deviate too far from the norm. I'll put on a mask like everyone else.


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I'm not going to even try to speculate as to what is going on with your friend. But I can't help thinking that, rather than just chalking this up to yet another thing bipolar has taken from you, it might be more useful for you to think about how you could better manage your bipolar disorder, and maybe not allow it to have so much control over your life.

Bipolar isn't a character defect, of course, but it is your responsibility to manage it as best you can.

Looking at some of your recent posts, it just seems like you have a lot of chaos in your life - dui arrests, going off seroquel without discussing it with your doctor, amd now this.

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Dude, you have no idea what's going on in this guy's life. Just because he's "active" on his facebook doesn't mean anything. I have friends who go on, check one thing, ignore EVERYTHING else, including the hundreds of friend requests they have, and log off. You don't know why he hasn't friended you. You don't know he got your request or even if he knew it was you who requested being friends. He could have just deleted all of his friend requests without looking at them (some people do, you know).

The point is - you don't know. Stop calling him a bad friend, and stop blaming it on your BP. It's something that happened and, while it sucked, you can only speculate on why. Since you sound bummed, you're gonna pick the worst reason, "it must be me." Fuck that shit. He could be going through some stuff in his life right now that just doesn't allow for letting old friends back in. Really. Since you haven't spoken with him personally (in over a year at least?) you just don't know. So stop guessing.

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I would like to thak you all for "sticking" to your guns and just telling it like it is! After my first post I

read each response and tried rationalze ways to defend my position which was "It has to be me" until the last reply

which changed my entire perspective. I've been going along my whole life always assuming that it's me who is somehow

responsible for whatever happens.

Well thanx to you all I don't feel that way anymore! It could be that he has turned gay and can't stand for me

to see him because he has had a crush on me all those many years.ROFLMAO! It could be all part of of the goverment

conspiracy to stop me from producing offpring by altering social situation and wreaking havoc in my life because

my child would create world peace which is bad for the government because the 'WAR MACHINE" OR.... LOL

T will never look at things the same way again. I now really dont think it's always me so the hell with all of em!

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