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I need help, I want to help myself, I can feel myself crashing and want to stop the fall.

I had a situation last weekend where I confronted someone who was excluding my girlfriend from a group event just because she's my girlfriend. Huge blowup, huge fight. So I'm told I was delusional about the exclusion and being out to get me, but she sent nasty emails to my girlfriend, so what was I supposed to think? It blew up into worrying about the utility guys watching the house, and then the airplanes.

Anyway, lots of crying, lots of bad thinking, lots of getting yelled at by my husband about how self centered I am and that I never listen to anything he has to say, that I can't look at him when he talks. Lots and lots of him yelling.

So now, I haven't been able to sleep. I'm taking my meds, but I can't sleep, and I'm not going to work. This is BAD.

I'm not having mood issues at all. I *feel* perfectly fine and barely remember the weekend. I just can't force myself to leave the house, not even to go to the grocery store. I tried to help myself and made a pdoc appointment on Tuesday for today, but missed it (couldn't leave the house). I set up four therapy appointments for February. I'm trying to help myself. But I just keep on crashing.

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It very much sounds like you are in fact having mood issues. Call your pdoc tomorrow. If you can't make it to an in person appointment, at least you can let him know what's going on, and get some help that way.

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He might skype with me. We're all set up for it, and he dearly loves technology, and we've talked about it previously.

I don't feel like I do when I'm manic, though. I don't have the mile a minute breakneck reckless destructive thing going. Okay, maybe a *little* destructive. I felt it as I typed it.

It just feels different because I'm sooooooo much calmer than an unmedicated or partially medicated mania.

And my meds are usually just fine. I am dealing with a breakup with my live in partner whose son is my fifth child, and so it stands to reason that I'd be a little nuts (she's still living with me and will continue to live with me). I don't know what could happen pharmocologically that could help me through, but I will definitely call my pdoc in the morning, apologize for not coming today, and see what he says.

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Guest Vapourware

Firstly, take a deep breath because it sounds like you have a few issues happening here.

I think it's a great idea to get in touch with your pdoc. Having bad thoughts and crying, and not being able to leave the house are issues, and most likely are mood-wise. Even if they aren't, they are something you should not be dealing with alone. You may need a tweak of your meds.

What sort of coping skills do you have for your thoughts about the utility guys and the planes? Do you think you can implement them?

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Firstly, take a deep breath because it sounds like you have a few issues happening here.

I think it's a great idea to get in touch with your pdoc. Having bad thoughts and crying, and not being able to leave the house are issues, and most likely are mood-wise. Even if they aren't, they are something you should not be dealing with alone. You may need a tweak of your meds.

What sort of coping skills do you have for your thoughts about the utility guys and the planes? Do you think you can implement them?

My coping skills consist of having talked through with my spouse that the utility guys were just out in the street selling something. Talking it out, about why they'd be here and why they'd be watching me helped. They were gone, they didn't come back, it was a coincidence that they were there. Same with the surveillance planes. Talking helps. I can push it away and attribute it all to coincidence, feel better, take my meds, and move along.

Three day weekends mess me up. I've noticed that the extra day at home screws me up and knocks me out of my pattern. So that's another issue.

I'm just issue laden. Yum.

I'm trying to make myself go out the door to my office today. I really really really want to go in and work. I have to water my plants.

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