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schizoaffective me

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I guess people in my family would have guessed me to be least likely to have a pscychotic break a few years back... but now I've had two. The onset of these episodes tends to be pretty sudden and without much warning. My first psychotic break was very severe and the second was moderate. I was hospitalized for both. I feel like I actually have PTSD from the first break... it permanently shook my perception of reality and my sense of self-confidence...

Like a lot of people who are schizo-affective, I can be very isolative and have difficulty relating to most people... I have a lot of difficulty coming out of my shell. Emotionally, I can have a tendency to stuff things and let resentment build up... I was in a bad relationship with someone who was probably bipolar (but who really refused to seek any help) and that caused a lot of trouble for my self-esteem... I have problems with feeling alienated and can at times feel painfully shy.

I've felt like my mental illness has very abruptly made me have to grow up...

I've been doing well since being hospitalized last fall but think that I may have some seasonal depression. Depression, if it is severe enough, seems to be the trigger for my psychotic symptoms, so hopefully everything is fine right now.

In the future I hope to not have any more episodes and to move out of the South...

"A man who has not passed through the inferno of his passions has not overcome them."

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Hi there. Welcome to Crazyboards!

Yeah, the first bad episode messes with you on so many levels, and does redefine you to a degree. I'm sorry it's been rough.

Are you in therapy? A good therapist can really help with esteem and interpersonal growth and general MI issues.

Have you told your pdoc that you are feeling some depression? This is important to do at first clear signs. The sooner you treat an emerging episode, the less likely it is to become severe and the sooner it goes away.

Anyway, take a look around. We have blogs and chat in addition to the boards. Moderators and Admins are here if you have questions. Feel free to PM any of us.

Again, welcome.

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Well hello, fellow Schizoaffective.

I can relate to the feeling of having PTSD from the first break -- I absolutely could not believe that I had a mental disorder. I was in shock for months & months.

You're lucky to have only been hospitalized twice. I've probably been in the psych ward 7 or 8 times since 1996, I think mainly because my original diagnosis of regular Bipolar Disorder was wrong and I was therefore being medicated incorrectly.

Anyway, I'm pretty isolative too. But I'll be your friend here. :)

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Guest Vapourware

Welcome to the boards. There's quite a few of us schizoaffectives on here so hopefully you'll find people whom you can relate.

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Thanks for all of the support! It makes me feel better to find so many people with the same diagnosis.

I do have a therapist, etc. Maybe I should call my doctor from noticing depression, though...

Thanks everybody.

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