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I don't know whether this should go here or in ocd, but I think it's mostly about depression. I have ocd and depression together in a cozy little reactionary relationship. Things have been tolerable with medication for the last few months, but ocd's been getting worse this week and today I managed to totally set it alight. I was working on a circuit board for an electronics project I have going. I managed to give myself a mild shock, and dropped the soldering iron onto a plastic bag. Now most of my obsessions are about contamination from chemicals in plastics, so I panicked and fled the room.

The worst depressions I've had in the past have been after incidents like this, where I seem to stop the doubting and accept what I fear as real. I'm really worried about the same thing happening again or would be. But I'm already getting apathetic. And all the comfortable patterns of thought I'm used to are out of reach. One of them was thinking about electronics projects, which won't help much now.

I suppose what I want to know is, is there anything I can do to fend off an episode of depression? I don't want to end up suicidal and wandering through the night crying like the time I thought I was responsible for poisoning my best friend.

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Pdoc. I don't have a therapist. I've been to a music lesson so I'm focusing on that. The only way I have of dealing with this kind of thing is getting something to be interested in, even if it feels disgusting to do.

I'm still agitated but I'll be able to cope with getting up and going to college tomorrow. Things started to go wrong in the morning today when I hung around in bed instead of getting out of the house.

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Well I seemed okay yesterday, if incredibly agitated. But agitated is normal for me. I feel like I've been bracing myself for a blow that hasn't come. Which is probably thanks to meds doing their job and attenuating these happenings. I have an appointment in a few days where I'm going to ask about the constant pacing and writhing that comes with any kind of anxiety.

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I'm glad you're feeling a bit better, but it seems to me that anxiety is often a part of depression, and maybe if your treatment gets a little better you won't have so much of it.

Meanwhile, take the best care of yourself you can.

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