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The therapist I had last year mentioned "minor PTSD" in a comment to me but I was never actually diagnosed with it.

I feel like I definitely do have some symptoms but I'm not sure if it's overlap of depression and GAD.

I was molested a few years ago. It was a brief, nonviolent experience but it has definitely continued to impact me.

I have cried after the 2 sexual experiences I have had since. I feel like I may have dissociated during the second.

The other day while watching a movie with a friend who I suspected of having interest in me, we started getting a little physical but nothing actually happened (we just were laying close to each other and he was being touchy) and I had racing thoughts, some difficulty breathing and felt like I was going to cry during the entire time. I let it all out once he had left. But he wasn't a threat at all and I knew that.

I just want to function normally in and maybe even enjoy these situations like everyone else my age. I tend to attract a lot of people of the opposite gender who I am not interested in without meaning to and then I get anxious about it. I try to tell them how it is and cut off any potential for them to fulfill their romantic desires with me, but sometimes I don't have enough evidence to do that so it gets to be a situation like the other day.

Getting a little off topic...

Now I kind of wish I had gone through with it the other night and I'm regretting it because he is nice and cute I guess. I don't have a preexisting crush on him though. But we spoke and I told him he shouldn't expect anything big from me because I can't deliver that. We decided just to see what happens because he doesn't want anything long term anyway. Telling him I changed my mind would a. ultimately put me in what will probably be an uncomfortable position and then b. make me regret that decision. So I guess it's best if I leave it alone. I'm not ~dying~ to be with him or anything. I should just work on myself before forcing potentially unhealthy situations.

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I have been following your saga, albeit it at a remove. I can only reiterate what has already been said. Especially, "Not every bad experience that leaves you with lasting aftereffects is PTSD. It doesn't mean it doesn't impact your life or that it wasn't a traumatic event."

You are so young, and yet you seem to be grasping at experiences far beyond what you are ready, or capable of, to explore. Take several steps back, shed ALL your ideas about what sexual contact and sexual intimacy that you hold dear, and STOP trying to _force_ both yourself and your male companions into an obviously cRacKeD mould.

Give yourself time to mature, understand, recognize, and accept what your sexuality is compose of, and to where it can take you.

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I guess I'm just puzzled because last semester I was pretty confident that everything was in control for the most part. And I felt like I was basically done with that incident haunting me. Now that my depression is mostly taken care of, I guess now these little bits of things are becoming more prominent. I suppose I just have to accept it and work with these things as they come. huh.gif

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I suppose I just have to accept it and work with these things as they come. huh.gif

I disagree with your supposition. In your vulnerable position I would avoid compromising situations with men like the plaque: I would seek out both professional and peer support. I WOULD refuse, a la dianthus' sage counsel, to put myself in ANY situation with a boy/man/male.

Your posts seem to indicate that you actively seek out trouble with boys...STOP, get some professional help, and stop discounting and demeaning yourself.

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I'm with indigo and di here, this is good for no one, including yourself. As I already stated.

Why are you forcing yourself?? is it maschocism? sadism? Ask yourself that question. it could be a desire to punish either the guy involved, OR yourself.

and get some freaking therapy....

Anna

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