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Why is self care so darn hard when down


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I read an article yesterday that was talking about how parents need to be selfish - that they need to find a way to take time to care for themselves. It was written by a father, but I've read similar stuff over and over. Yesterday, reading that article, I started to sob. I kept thinking "but I CAN'T!" wtf?

Is it feelings of worthlessness manifesting in this way?

Is there any science or reasoning behind why I stall taking a shower, or why the thought of finding even one hour a day to do something that is just for me, left me a crying mess?

I know from reading other posts that it is a common situation, I'm just wondering if anyone knows or would like to discuss the why behind it.

PS I see pdoc in just 11 days, and I'll call her if any of this gets worse.

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For me, it's hard to imagine I'm worth the self-care at all. But I find I can do a little at a time. Doing laundry is overwhelming, but putting it into a pile and picking the clothes I'll likely need works.

I like to take oil baths... that's pretty easy and feels good I'm taking out some time for myself.

Basically, baby steps...

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I want to answer this is some fashion whether it's from personal experience or just my opinion, but I'm afraid it's going to be terribly stupid. Just warning you ahead of time.

The taking time for yourself thing sounds like it's a matter of feeling guilty. Maybe you feel worthless and feel that by taking time to yourself, you WOULD be acting in a selfish manner and that makes you feel more guilty because you already feel worthless and being selfish would make you feel even worse? Does that make sense? Maybe being a crying mess over it is your way of expressing that you want to do something, but feel like you CAN'T.

I stall taking a shower too. That's one of my big things right now. When I'm depressed, any small task seems overwhelming. My house is a mess, I get panicky just thinking about cleaning it. So cleaning myself isn't easy either. I don't know, this is probably all common knowledge and anything I said is stupid or kind of like "Duh, I wanted to have an INTELLIGENT conversation about this" so, sorry if I can't provide that. I was just throwing my two cents in.

I hope things get better for you soon, and hopefully you can learn to take time to yourself, because you DO deserve it.

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Wow, thank you all!

Baby-steps - I like that idea. Like I can unload the dishwasher now, and maybe later I can find the energy to load it again and run it.

The Emperor- - YES, I think that's exactly what I'm dealing with - feeling worthless means I can't take care of myself, but not being able to do that makes me feel guilty (because GOOD mothers know how to be selfish and take time for themselves, so if I can't do that, then on top of everything I also suck as a mom) it's like a horrible self-worth destroying cycle.

creepy and exl - thanks for the well wishes.

Suzie - I get all or nothing thinking too - like I said before I should vacuum the house, but maybe I should really take the babysteps idea and vacuum just the playroom, then see how I'm feeling.

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Feel better lilac.

I find it to be as simple sometimes as "everything I do feels horrible so why do anything." This is where an external motivator helps me, such as HAVING to go to work, for example. i can't go there lookign like total ass....

but, there have been times.... very bad times indeed.

feel better.

anna

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Hi lilacoutsidemywindow. Unfortunately, I don't have anything to add, but I just want to say that you are not alone. I'm going through the exact same thing. I hope you get through it and feel better soon.

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