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Decided to do the introduction thing...

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My name is Linda. Linda means pretty in Spanish and although I need to lose about 100lbs I tend to hold true to my name. Now don't shoot me.

That was a positive attribute. Now what other things can I say about myself that are positive?

I am analytical and good at "reading" people and situations, kinda like in that TV show called The Mentalist but not as extreme. I am just highly observant and open.

As for negative attributes and there are many, I am overly-analytical to the point of not having "feelings." I feel like a computer sometimes. I used to be highly passionate and emotional but those days ended over 2 decades ago. Now I am semi-frozen, like emotionally paralyzed or something that I can't quite understand fully. Perhaps its a coping mechanism or it could be, as my Pdoc suggests, negative symptoms arising from what might be mild schizo-affective disorder.

I indeed have some issues with MI.

It started with the dx of ADHD/ADD at age 11 and from there spiraled downwards.

I am now at the ripe old age of 30.

In my own humble opinion, I had reactive bipolar as a kid/teen caused by being bullied and having controlling parents who were sometimes a bit borderline, but I'm mostly blaming the bullies who picked on my eye disorder- My eyes shake back and forth involuntarily sometimes. Its a condition I was born with and there is no cure but it stays basically the same forever unless it gets better. I feel mine might've gotten better.

So i think it was reactive bipolar w/some psychotic elements.

Now, me, as an adult, without bullies and school- I feel dysthymic - aka mildly depressed, and I have too many inhibitions. The inhibitions make me lack a social life and act awkwardly. When I get drunk I realize what I am missing but I am also exceedingly euphoric when drunk so I can't say its realistic. I am not really a drinker though. I tend to abstain and have become allergic to wine and beer to some extent- My face turns beet red after just one sip and feels hot, hot, hot.

I take Abilify 20mg and Prozac 10mg and don't know what to say during therapy. Its hard to find things to say when I feel bionic.

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Welcome to CB :)

I fight with the bionic feeling from time to time. Well, I'm either blah emotionless or crying quietly in my office. Mostly crying but I do fight with the robotic feeling in between bursts of emotion.

As far as not knowing what to say during therapy, my therapist has a sneaky little way of latching onto something and getting it to come out. Even though I don't know what I SHOULD say I generally end up saying too much and she latches onto it like white on rice.

I think you'll like CB. I find it helps to read other people's posts and step outside of yourself. Look forward to seeing you around!

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Linda, you sound like me. It's so weird. Like even the eyes. It may not be the same thing, but I only use one eye at a time and the closest I get to using two eyes is rapidly going back and forth between each eye. Also bullied, borderline, bipolar, psychotic at some point. Social problems...thought I was aspergers or something at one point. Logical, mathamatical, alalytical. Not to say I couldn't be irrational during episodes of crazy! Sorry, this is not about me, it's about you, but I wanted you to know that you're not alone, and that I am glad that the very first message I have ever read has also allowed me to not be alone too! Wow!


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